To be embarrassed by my friend?

[MrPoppersPenguins]

Whenever we meet for coffee she has her 2yo with her and proceeds to whip out snacks and drinks (for the child) brought from home. These aren't even subtle... think large pastries, sandwiches, yoghurts etc

I'm cringing in the coffee shop hoping the staff don't notice. This week they clearly did (although they didn't say anything). She doesn't have special dietary needs so could eat food from the cafe. My friend isn't struggling for money (she's relatively well off). I'm really embarrassed!! Am I BU to think you don't take your own picnic to a coffee shop?? She does buy herself a drink though.

These days I tend to carry snacks but will order him something normal and have the snacks in case or refusal or if still hungry afterwards.

This is a sensible approach (and keep the snacks until after you leave the cafe...). The child is far more likely to learn to eat what's on offer this way - if you always bring food, the DC is getting the message that the food served isn't suitable for them and there's no need to even try anything different.

STOP going out with her in such a setting. If she mentions it, tell her why.

Another vote for Kerala. It can easily happen. Life is busy. You forget that the child is a year older and that you should adapt. She should adapt.

YANBU, they're a profit making organisation, not a drop in centre

Anyone else who would rather buy their DC something from the cafe? And perhaps just throw a snack in the bag?
Less to lug around

I have a friend who used to feed her DS in cafes etc. She used to give him Ella's fruit pouches. Fine for a baby, but she did it until he was 4

In my local Costa there's a couple who are in every lunchtime and bring lunch from other local shops which they openly eat, only buying a drink from Costa. Every single day, one of them is our local Tory councillor. I don't know why the staff don't say anything, but I'm embarrassed on their behalf.

I think it's rude and haven't even done this when they were weaning.

Why do these children need constant snacks?
Why are they allowed to be fussy eaters?
Why can't they behave by the time they are 5?

It's fine to bring a rice cake for a teething baby but not to bring a meal to a cafe. It's not fine to hog seats in Pret/Starbucks for a coffee morning or toddler group. It's not fine to allow children to run around in coffee shops - they should be sitting at the table or on a knee.

Agree if you bring snacks it gives the message they need special food.

The idea that because you have a child normal rules don't apply is ridiculous.

I do this in the interests of being able to have some sort of conversation with the other adult! Get over it or meet somewhere child friendly

I think a there is a middle ground.

When I have been out in a large group and my dc was the only small child I wouldn't feel bad giving her food from home. E.g. Large family meal in an Indian 10 adults eating a full meal and one toddler who only eats plain fucking pasta eating out of a Tupperware box, ok.
Also in placers where kids in high chairs eat free, that is also ok as it's actually saving them food, providing the adults are also ordering.
However the situation u describe is a bit cringey yes.

I think it's for the cafe owner to take a view about. If it really makes you feel self-conscious, suggest going to one of your homes or a more child-friendly place/the park when it warms up.

Totally cringe and embarrassing.

I have a friend who does this, I hate it! She brings a picnic for her 4.5 year old when we meet up, a full on lunch box full of sandwiches, fruit, cheese and crisps as well as a fruit drink! It's completely out of order. I said to her the last time that I didn't think she should do it but she couldn't see the problem.

When I go out with my 2 and 4 year old everyone orders from the menu, even if it's just a piece of toast for the 2 year old!

There is a café near me which is next to a park. It's not huge and gets really busy. I was in there the other week and two mums with four kids probably ranging in age from 1-5 sat down with their two cups of coffee and then got sandwiches and snacks out of a bag for all of them including the adults. People were stood waiting for tables with their food. Thought it was very cheeky of them. Guess they couldn't have been asked to move as we're technically paying customers but if I worked there I would have told them not to eat their own food

'Why are they allowed to be fussy eaters?'
As if it was as easy as that! My 2 year old is fussy, we still order her stuff from the menu- we just try and go somewhere with food she'll eat (pasta or sausages). We will sometimes take something and give it to her if she point blank refuses what is bought but we'll always pay for a meal first.

I'm guessing you don't have kids crumbs1?

Thing is, rather than being an extension of your own self, the pesky little blighters have ideas of their own.

Try to think about the situation but with a cat. How do you get a cat to eat something it doesn't want to? Force feed it like a foi gras goose maybe? How do you get a cat to sit still? Strap it down? Hope the comparison gives you some insight. Apply it next time you're tutting and judging a Mum struggling to eat her own lunch and have an adult conversation in a coffee shop, see if it offers some clarity.

HTH

My DS is 10.5 months I can't wait until he's old enough to eat food I've ordered and I don't have to lug it all around with me! To actually just need nappies and wipes etc in his changing bag rather than it bulging with a full banquet (he's quite the eater!) would be bliss!

a lot of people are very savvy with money ( the more they have, the less they spend in my experience) so they would rather do this than buy a cake or drink from the place they are actually in! Unfair to the owner of course. Depends if you can get away with i suppose!

I have 3 small kids and can see both sides. When we are heading out I pack lunch for them all. Partly because especially if meeting people you can't control the time and you might find yourself at 12.00 somewhere you can't easily get food and the kids start making life very miserable indeed. So having sandwiches, yogurts. Fruit on hand means I can feed them, even in a traffic jam. If we are in a cafe, the other thing is I don't want to spend £15 on drinks and food when it mostly ends up on the floor. I don't tend to take out food I've brought, maybe one small item, but I'd buy them their juice as a treat along with my coffee. Or a biscuit along with my bun or whatever. It's really hard though because you can end up with them not having a suitable lunch because the £5 sandwich would not be eaten even if you bought it. I don't pander to my kids much, I guess a little bit when I'm exhausted and trying to avoid an embarrassing scene (they would be getting a serious talking to back home if there was a scene but they really are little). But it is a bit soul destroying to spend loads of money (because one type of food would never keep the quiet while you chat to friend) on food in a cafe that ends up on the floor.

Wow Pinequeen your 6 month old must have done amazing at baby led weaning then eh? If they could happily eat food ordered from a menu wherever you went at 6 months old?! Crackers!

I have had funny looks TBH but assumed because she was throwing food and making a mess
DS 5 is only just learning that other people don't appreciate his noise

What is wrong with you people. Don't take your DC to cafés if they can't behave at least a little.
Throwing things on the floor, eating a packed lunch past 1yo because too fussy for anything on the menu, making enough noise to disturb others... And then you wonder why café owners try to ban children...

Try to think about the situation but with a cat. How do you get a cat to eat something it doesn't want to? Force feed it like a foi gras goose maybe? How do you get a cat to sit still? Strap it down? Hope the comparison gives you some insight. Apply it next time you're tutting and judging a Mum struggling to eat her own lunch and have an adult conversation in a coffee shop, see if it offers some clarity.

I wouldn't bring a cat to a coffee shop.

If I am paying for an adult meal and drink, and I know my kid won't eat what is on offer, I don't see the problem.

I'm not wasting money buying cafe food just for that sake of it when a frube or bag of cheese puffs or a mini sandwich brought from home will suffice.

The cafe isn't losing out. I'm not bringing food instead of ordering for them. I'm not buying food full stop for a child that won't eat a full portion or I know won't eat what is on offer.

It takes the piss when parents hog tables nursing 1 drink and produce a full packed lunch spread out on her table. Then leave the mess. But giving a baby/toddler/young child their own familiar snacks while you eat a cafe bought meal shouldn't be a problem.

I never leave the house without some fruit and their drinks bottles, but always buy something from a cafe. I would never turn up with lunch for my 2 year old. These places have to make money.

I still never forget the time I was in a supermarket cafe and a woman came in with her DD who looked about 8, and demanded the staff heat up a microwave meal for her DD that she'd just bought as her DD didn't want anything off the menu. She couldn't understand why they refused!

I'd be embarrassed, too. Taking cheaper sandwiches and pastries to a cafe that sells sandwiches and pastries is pretty bad. Would she bring Tesco Pizza to Pizza Hut or fish fingers to the chippie?

It is also crap for the two year old to need special food like a dog or something. If nothing appeals, I'm sure the child won't perish without nourishment whilst mum drinks a coffee.