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Spoonyfucker™ has Spoonyfucked AGAIN, and this time he's Fuckered the Kenwood<<ranty super duper serious thread of rantness>>

(133 Posts)
HoneyDragon Sun 16-Feb-14 11:58:08

He wanted to juice oranges to make some weirdy made up concoction to cure his cold.

Pointed out the juicer and kitchen machine. Offered to show him how to use in a helpful fashion, as you would with any appliance someone hasn't used before, but as a qualified engineer he elbowed me confidentially out the way and then dutifully applied eleventy tonnes of unrequired brute force and smashed off the base.

Why? Why do I cohabit with a SpoonyFucker, it's an incurable condition. Lord knows we've tried.

You Spoonyfuckers just can help Spoonyfucking.

<<sobs gently over poor innocent long serving Kenwood, that's only crime was to mix stuff and be useful>>

YouStayClassySanDiego Sun 16-Feb-14 12:00:29

Make sure SpoonyFucker buys you a brand new piece of Kenwood loveliness.

Get thee to Currys immediately.

Gruntfuttock Sun 16-Feb-14 12:01:00

I can't quite imagine how he did that. How and why do you apply brute force when juicing oranges? Sorry for the demise of your poor innocent, mortally wounded Kenwood.

hevak Sun 16-Feb-14 12:01:03

Your only solution is to LTB! grin

RIP Kenwood sad

ForgettableTampon Sun 16-Feb-14 12:01:05

ah yes I too have an engineer in the family

mucho sympathy

HoneyDragon Sun 16-Feb-14 12:02:07

Have checked the website, it's one of their replacement parts.

I couldn't bring myself to bring home some shiny innocent new appliance and then watch it get fuckered.

HoneyDragon Sun 16-Feb-14 12:03:32

Because you switch on and the Kenwood does the work. Your only task is to hold the orange in place. But Spoonyfucker™ decided to work as if juicing an orange and pushed down on it with all his Spoonyfucker weight.

tinkertitonk Sun 16-Feb-14 12:56:18

I had hoped that, since he is an engineer, he had thought to achieve some leverage or other mechanical advantage over the Kenwood in order to smash it intelligently. So I was disappointed to read that he had merely pushed the orange directly.

Really we cannot compete in this world if our engineers do not properly think through their task of destruction.

Fluffycloudland77 Sun 16-Feb-14 14:23:36

Kill him.

Buy a kitchen aid with the life insurance money.

ISeeYouShiverWithAntici Sun 16-Feb-14 14:26:20

Stick the broken bit right up his arse.

rub it all over with chillies beforehand.

phantomnamechanger Sun 16-Feb-14 14:27:38

<psst, can someone please explain the origin of spoonyfucker, I see it often and am confused>

Binkyridesagain Sun 16-Feb-14 14:27:43

My DH is an engineer. He does not go near any of my kitchen equipment without undergoing training first. He knows if he does I will be testing the equipment on him. Not all engineers are fuckwits.

Drag spoonyfucker to the nearest appliance shop and demand he purchases the best Kenwood YOU can find. I would not be letting this one go!

HauntedNoddyCar Sun 16-Feb-14 14:29:56

Kill him and buy a decorative man to juice oranges under close supervision.

<shares woes of engineering type DH>

minouminou Sun 16-Feb-14 14:39:46

A spoonyfucker is someone who comes into the kitchen to "help", and generally does quite the opposite.

They do this repeatedly, despite the death threats.

phantomnamechanger Sun 16-Feb-14 14:43:57

Ah, OK, thanks min

ISeeYouShiverWithAntici Sun 16-Feb-14 14:46:45

Why spoonyfucker?

I had assumed it referring to that horrible suffocating habit some people have of crawling all over to in bed

<orders barbed wire PJs>

Nomama Sun 16-Feb-14 14:49:03

I too live with an engineer.... much brokenness is endured and shoutiness abounds.

He hasn't managed to spoonyfuck the Chef (yet) but has hand strengthed a number of door latches, curtain/curtain rails and even the washing machine door, to death.

Step the spoonfuck away from the [insert name of precious object here]

froubylou Sun 16-Feb-14 14:54:47

I am just starting to put right the kitchen after 9 weeks of spoony fuckery. It's a mess. There are teaspoons where the knives live. Tins where pasta lives and the oven smells singed.

He only got in there as he can't bf. We're through the cluster feeding so he can fuck off out of it now.

ExitPursuedTheRoyalPrude Sun 16-Feb-14 14:56:38

Poor poor blameless Kenwood


sadbodyblue Sun 16-Feb-14 15:01:50

I have a dh and 2 dss like this. if it doesn't need brute force they apply it.

ds 1 pulled the curtain rail off the fucking wall by closing them. how?

get your dh to go to the shops right now and get a new one and wall mount the old one for all to see.

HauntedNoddyCar Sun 16-Feb-14 15:01:53

Spoonyfucker originated from the habit of wandering into the kitchen and stirring whatever is cooking whether it needs it or not. A subtle interference that asserts their dominance. Hence spoony from the stirring utensil.

DH Spoony fuckers with the contents of the fridge. Last week he threw out the lemons as they looked a bit old. Yes but I was about to stuff them up a chicken's bum to make centerpiece of buffet for family do.

Stropzilla Sun 16-Feb-14 15:08:49

Last week my Spoonyfucker threw away all the cheese because it was a little cracked with white patches and smelled.

YES. it was MATURE you twat. Now I have no cheese for cheese on toast. Why don't they just leave these things alone or ask first? ??

Nomama Sun 16-Feb-14 15:12:38

And mine has just proudly announced that he has chucked those rotten bananas in the bin....

... I was about to make banana loaf out of them, I had been forcing them to ripen for a week!

I shall drown him once the bath has run! Would someone stand alibi for me, please?

HauntedNoddyCar Sun 16-Feb-14 15:13:50

Getting into mu stride now.
He then threw away the salad dressing I had made because there wasn't very much of it left. Well no there wasn't because you don't make pints pf the stuff so there wasn't much to start with.

And whilst taking 45 minutes to cook a frozen pizza accidentally managed to restart the just finished washing machine and not notice.

TheCuntingPigeon Sun 16-Feb-14 15:19:43

Coo coo. sad

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