Spoonyfucker™ has Spoonyfucked AGAIN, and this time he's Fuckered the Kenwood<<ranty super duper serious thread of rantness>>

[HoneyDragon]

He wanted to juice oranges to make some weirdy made up concoction to cure his cold.

Pointed out the juicer and kitchen machine. Offered to show him how to use in a helpful fashion, as you would with any appliance someone hasn't used before, but as a qualified engineer he elbowed me confidentially out the way and then dutifully applied eleventy tonnes of unrequired brute force and smashed off the base.

Why? Why do I cohabit with a SpoonyFucker, it's an incurable condition. Lord knows we've tried.

You Spoonyfuckers just can help Spoonyfucking.

Whoever is actually cooking is right stillfrazzled. The other person needs to butt out!

Dh is a FaffyFucker. We get ready to leave the house. I walk out and get in the car - and he vanishes. Sometimes he comes out to the front step, stops, and vanishes back inside, and sometimes he doesn't even come out. I have NO idea what he does whilst he's faffing round indoors and I am sitting in a cold car waiting for him.

Ha ha, I knew I was right! I never touch anything when he's cooking (don't care what happens as long as someone else is doing it).

He is also a huggyfucker, although secretly I like that.

I had a revelation this morning. DH is a Driveyfucker. He grimaces as I turn corners, tells me to change gear, generally makes a meal out of being a passenger.

All these years I just thought he was a twat, but nooooo!

My DH is a huggyfucker. I have just informed him that there's a name for his poorly-timed need for physical contact. He is now making sad faces and saying that I obviously don't love or want him. Sigh.

Ha. I have a loofucker (subcategory: restaurant). I'm quite happy to sit for a bit after eating but he generally wants to go as soon as we've finished. So we pay, get our coats on, gather up bags and umbrellas, leave the table, and as we head for the door he says 'I'm just nipping to the loo'. So I'm left standing there in the middle of the restaurant like a muppet instead of sitting comfortably at the table reading MN on my phone enjoying the atmosphere. I now ask him very time if he needs to go before I stand up.

He used to be a driveyfucker as well (despite not being able to drive). I've trained him out of that one by offering to let him walk the rest of the way every time he winces, grimaces, or sucks his teeth.