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To never leave my house again, never ever ever.

(269 Posts)
Megatron Fri 05-Aug-11 19:01:17

OK first of all can I just say that I am not some mentalist who normally does this kind of thing but both DC's are out for tea tonight so DH on our own.

DH has a habit of running through the house bare chested beating his chest shouting instructions (I know, I know). It's funny. Sometimes. So this evening I thought it would be hilarious if I did the same, so I duly stripped to the waist and ran downstairs into the living room waving my arms in the air shouting ....... to find DH sitting talking to the plumber who had kindly popped round to discuss the new central heating we are having installed.

I don't know which part of this whole debacle is the worst. The fact that DH just sat there with his gob wide open, the fact that I just kept running through to the kitchen then hid in the utility room until he was gone, the fact that this man is going to spend almost a week in my house shortly, or the fact that he lives directly across the road from me and his wife cuts my hair.

DH cannot look at me without pissing himself laughing and if he keeps this up I'm he's going to rupture something vital. Does anyone think there's the slightest chance that perhaps the plumber did not notice? Please?

RunAwayWife Sat 13-Aug-11 16:20:16

mumnotmachine I have just started to choke reading that and now DS2 and DPs mother are asking me whats so funny hmm

mum47 Sat 13-Aug-11 15:38:47

That beats the time when our plumber was here installing our new bathroom and I was walking about with my skirt tucked into the back of my tights. I decided to the moral high ground and said nothing, whilst silenty dying inside.

StayingDavidTennantsGirl Sat 13-Aug-11 11:57:58

Megatron - I owe you much gratitude for this thread. I used your story to distract dh when he was getting cross about the amount of money I spent on school uniform yesterday. You are a star!

duckdodgers Sat 13-Aug-11 11:31:47

Just sat and read whole thread tears streaming down my face grin Oh dear grin

And just as the tears were starting to dry I unfortunately I read yours mumnotmachine about trying to drown your vibrator and Ive started all over again!!!!! grin

MarinaIvy Sat 13-Aug-11 10:25:50

I don't have time to read through all 11 pages, but so I may not be the first Mumsnetter to suggest the following:

"Girlfriend, if you don't get a discount on that plumbing project, I don't know what to tell ya"

TheMagnificentBathykolpian Sat 13-Aug-11 08:58:04

Oh gawd, between this thread and the 'Fess Up' one linked from it, I have laughed so much I swear I've bloody ruptured something.

The minge one is going to have me laughing for weeks, I know it is!

I have humilliations aplenty and it always makes me feel better about them to read other people's grin

Spamspamspam Fri 12-Aug-11 16:41:33

Megatron you have given my family the best laugh in ages, I can't stop laughing...I have been coming back to this thread all day and everytime I laugh like I did the first. It's brilliant!!

SecondComing's Minge episode still makes me laugh every time I read it so to have both in one thread is fantastic!

LadyClariceCannockMonty Fri 12-Aug-11 15:39:41

Thanks anyway, Staying! Thought that counts, and all that.

mammalion Fri 12-Aug-11 13:41:35

Wow! Just read this thread all the way through on my lunch break. Couldn't stop! Made my day thank you!

StayingDavidTennantsGirl Fri 12-Aug-11 13:26:14

Damnit - bananapirate beat me to it. grin

StayingDavidTennantsGirl Fri 12-Aug-11 13:25:28

Here's the 'Your minge' story, courtesy of TheSecondComing, just over half way through this thread.

"this has been on here before but it is my most shamefilled moment and i burn red thinking about it...
32 weeks pregnant with dc3 we went swimming, i had put my tankini on at home so i could see if i had a bad bikini line hanging out the bottom of my bottoms.
we went to the baths,dp got dd2 changed and gave me the armbands and rubber ring to 'sort' and so i just took my out door clothes off and 'met them on poolside' i was dutifully inflating the barbie rubber ring\armbands when dp started advancing down the side of the pool mouthing frantically 'wtf are you doing i can see your minge' i was puffing up the inflatables glaring at him as he gestured and mouthed 'your minge,i can see your minge' i looked on the little chair by the poolside and there,neatly folded,underneath the rubber ring were my tankini bottoms.
i don't know why i took them off,but i was stood inflating shit,by the pool while 'family swim' went on beside me."

DorothyGherkins Fri 12-Aug-11 13:08:56

The plumber, he's a man, yeah? a) he wouldnt have noticed and if he did b)he wont remember.

ExitPursuedByAGryffin Fri 12-Aug-11 13:08:49

Congratulations - I think I have just peed myself laughing for the first time.

LadyClariceCannockMonty Fri 12-Aug-11 13:03:03

Thanks banana! For some reason it's the phrase 'I was stood inflating shit' that made me giggle the most. [grin grin

bananapirate Fri 12-Aug-11 12:59:15


I hope thesecondcoming doesn't mind, she talks about it openly

nickschick Fri 12-Aug-11 12:55:48


I once whilst heavily pregnant walked naked through my 'empty' house(after a shower) to get a glass of I poured the milk i became aware I was being watched - the plumber (hope hes not the same as yours) was trying to attract my attention so i would let him in...he had his nose on the window blush ......I ran away.
Got dressed and opened the door like nothing had happened to be greeted with a big grin and a 'your hair looks nice' comment blush.

Dh pissed himself laughing.

The plumbers wife was a hairdresser too blush and she told me he thought I was the most beautiful pregnant woman he'd seen.

bananapirate Fri 12-Aug-11 12:50:05

the original minge thread has long gone, which is a shame, but will find a thread where is discussed

LadyClariceCannockMonty Fri 12-Aug-11 12:08:12

OP, thank you thank you thank you! That is one of the funniest things I've heard in ... ever.

feckless, love the WI and kittens story as well. grin grin

Zanywany Fri 12-Aug-11 12:02:35

I am now crying at work and I think I want to be yuor best friend Megatron

Loving the vibrators stories too


NewbeeMummy Fri 12-Aug-11 11:27:37

I've just snorted coffee all over my keyboard - thank you for cheering me up smile

If it helps when I moved house many years ago (in my early 20's - this is important to know once you read the rest of this story) I asked my best mate and her boyfriend to help me move. I wasn't very organised, so suggested that they (my bf and hers) just load my bed side cabinets and chect of drawers straight into the van without me having to unpack all the clothes.
All was going well until while shifting my beside cabinet, the bottom drawer fell out and spilled its contents all over the floor, cue mates bf standing in the middle of a pile of vibrators, handcuffs and various dress up style clothes.
He still can't look me in the eyes blush

Grockle Fri 12-Aug-11 10:29:52

Someone, please link to the minge thread. I've searched but am not entirely sure what I'm looking for!

CamperFan Fri 12-Aug-11 09:18:11

That vibrator story is very funny too, the shame. As for the "your minge!" story, I was paranoid every time I went swimming for the whole of my pregnancy with DS2 thanks to that little tale. After worrying that I might accidentally do the same, I then started worrying that subconsciously do it because I had been thinking about it so much!!! MN affecting my RL? Not much!

bananapirate Fri 12-Aug-11 00:05:29

Absolutely the funniest thread ever. Off to find the "your minge " thread to compare!
Is your name Miranda?

Taffybird Thu 11-Aug-11 22:57:05

Oh that is amazing! Best thing I've heard in...well, possibly, ever!

I imagine you just want to move to Saturn right now but trust me, the time will come when you can look back and laugh. You've put a smile on a lot of faces today and you will liven up many a dull party with that tale in years to come.

You're my hero! Be proud! wink

Fecklessdizzy Thu 11-Aug-11 22:24:19

Oh God! ( Just spat tea all over the keyboard due to uncontrolled hilarity ) grin

Much, much better/worse than DP's pit-of-shame moment when he strode down the stairs stark-bollock naked and found my Mum and her WI group all gathered in the hall admiring the kittens ...

The worst thing was they all fell about laughing! His ego's never recovered.

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