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If you could go back and tell your first-time-new-mother self one thing...

(148 Posts)
JessePinkmanYo Thu 08-Aug-19 23:46:03

...what would it be?

Mine would be you won't be this lonely forever. You are crippling lonely and isolated and depressed, go and speak out and ask for help.

Pipandmum Thu 08-Aug-19 23:48:17

‘This too shall pass’

JessePinkmanYo Thu 08-Aug-19 23:48:39

Also, it really doesn't fucking matter what sort of pram you have grin

SailorJerry13 Thu 08-Aug-19 23:51:06

OP are you the woman who writes on the rocknrollmother Facebook page ?? She wrote two posts about both those points !! Haha

Evilmorty Thu 08-Aug-19 23:52:16

Ignore those fucking bastard IL’s.

DippyAvocado Thu 08-Aug-19 23:52:39

Spend more time just cuddling. I was constantly trying to get my first DC to "do" things - shaking rattles in het face and singing nursery rhymes. I wish I'd spent more time just snuggling on the sofa with some good TV or a book.

doleritedinosaur Thu 08-Aug-19 23:53:18

Enjoy the lying in bed watching Netflix, he will sleep (after a year.)

But enjoy the doing nothing.

user1486131602 Thu 08-Aug-19 23:53:30

Relax.
Do what’s right for you, not anyone else and listen to your instincts they are ALWAYS right.

Cobblersandhogwash Thu 08-Aug-19 23:55:24

Be brave. Ignore the constant intrusions.

You're doing the right thing just hugging and cuddling your baby.

Randomdogbite Thu 08-Aug-19 23:55:57

Just really really do whatever makes you happy or you think is best. Honestly the hours I wasted with my first trying to get him to sleep in a Moses basket, second time round I just had them on my lap watching tv, everyone sleeps the same now but I was trying to do the 'right' thing

JessePinkmanYo Thu 08-Aug-19 23:56:19

OP are you the woman who writes on the rocknrollmother Facebook page ?? She wrote two posts about both those points !!

I'm not! But will be sure to check that page out - intrigued smile

Oberonunder Thu 08-Aug-19 23:58:11

Stop trying to put the baby to bed. She does not want to go to bed. Just sit on the sofa and chill with her. She will end up going to sleep at the same time as your "bedtime routine" takes and the tv is better.

I at least took my advice for the second child.

Seeingadistance Fri 09-Aug-19 00:09:41

Just give him a bottle.

ElizaPancakes Fri 09-Aug-19 02:05:03

Enjoy being slim coz you're going to get reeeeeaaaal fat reeeeeaaaaal fast.

(I lost two stone during my first pregnancy and gained it all back).

Pantsomime Fri 09-Aug-19 02:12:09

Relax it’ll all be fine

Dogsaresomucheasier Fri 09-Aug-19 02:12:20

It’s okay to not be okay and you are being let down. Your mental health is the most important factor in her well being and it’s okay to see that your needs are met.

mamakoukla Fri 09-Aug-19 02:16:51

If they want to visit in the early weeks, don’t do anything. Visiting in those few weeks = make yourself useful and don’t expect to be waited on

powershowerforanhour Fri 09-Aug-19 02:32:00

Don't wait till you need the nipple cream. Start using it right now and lash it on at every opportunity. Don't accept a crappy latch and don't let her crunch, it'll batter your nipples faster than you would think possible. Break the latch and then grab hold of your boob to funnel it and stuff as much of it as far down the back of her gob as you can. The good news- battered nips revive with good care and handling very quickly.

Oh, and by the way- 3 years into the future having mostly stuck to the cosleeping guidelines you haven't squashed her; also the first couple of times that she has a proper purplefaced hyperventilating ragefest you will vaguely worry whether it is possible for her to overheat and faint or seizure from pure rage....well it hasn't happened by the age of 3 so it probably isn't going to.

lavenderbluedilly Fri 09-Aug-19 02:52:47

Don’t let the midwives browbeat you into persevering with breastfeeding, when it’s clear DS is becoming progressively more jaundiced and dehydrated. Might have then avoided the subsequent 5 day SCBU admission.

Frith2013 Fri 09-Aug-19 03:27:30

Get divorced immediately. Don’t give it a year to see how it goes.

MrsTerryPratchett Fri 09-Aug-19 03:37:46

She's not going to sleep, nothing will help, it's going to be a couple of years so just do whatever gets you through the nights and day.

Vagndidit Fri 09-Aug-19 03:41:08

Put those child development books away and stop comparing your child to everyone else.

Sashkin Fri 09-Aug-19 03:45:26

Don’t worry about getting back to exercise (it was for MH reasons not weight loss). Go for some walks instead, you’ll enjoy them just as much as going for a run and you won’t need to stress about DS.

Also don’t worry about classes until he’s six months plus, go to stuff like Mum and Baby Pilates and Lattes for yourself but he won’t care.

Sashkin Fri 09-Aug-19 03:48:36

Oh yes and while the sidecar cot was great, you’ll end up doing some cosleeping for naps so just embrace it.

GailTheFish Fri 09-Aug-19 03:51:10

Ignore the people who tell you to “love every minute”, they are deluded. And if someone offers to look after your baby while you shower/eat/sleep accept their help, they are not offering because they think you can’t cope.

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