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Original poster

If you could go back and tell your first-time-new-mother self one thing...

147 replies

JessePinkmanYo · 08/08/2019 23:46

...what would it be?

Mine would be you won't be this lonely forever. You are crippling lonely and isolated and depressed, go and speak out and ask for help.

OP posts:
theorchidwhisperer · 09/08/2019 19:05

Listen to your inner voice, you know best.
Sleep whenever you can.

PhillipeFellope · 09/08/2019 19:09

You're good at this. It will be fine.

Don't be fobbed off with "just give him a bottle" off HV, you are right, he is tongue tied, it will be diagnosed and divided, even if it takes five fucking months, and you will reach your goal.

Wearywithteens · 09/08/2019 19:14

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

SukiPutTheEarlGreyOn · 09/08/2019 19:15

Travel loads before they learn to crawl.

Fitch77 · 09/08/2019 19:26

Listen to your instincts particularly about controlled crying. It never worked, just left us both VERY distressed. She's 8 and still doesn't self settle cause she's autistic.

Fitch77 · 09/08/2019 19:28

Most Health Visitors talk shite. Don't take their word as gospel. Trust your own instincts first!

Sagradafamiliar · 09/08/2019 19:44

You're young but you're a great mum, stop trying to prove yourself to that horrible HV and pack the breastfeeding in.

HavelockVetinari · 09/08/2019 20:02

One day, your baby will sleep.

And later, it's ok to sleep train earlier than 19 months (!) - both you and DS will be so much happier and so much less chronically sleep deprived.

CaptainJaneway62 · 09/08/2019 20:05

Leave the abusive bastard NOW.
Just take what you can carry and get out and don't look back.
It's just you and DS now and you will be absolutely fine.
Ask for help from your family do not keep quiet about any of the abuse any longer.

Your Grandma wants you to go and live with her so do it now and you will be so happy when you do it.
You will go on to have a brilliant career and DS will have a great life too!
So do not worry about any of the stuff that is going round and round in your head right now.
You can go now you do not have to wait another 4years.

dottycat123 · 09/08/2019 20:05

Be willing to change your mind about how you think you're going to do things. Feed to sleep if it means you get more peace and sleep yourself.

MamaFlintstone · 09/08/2019 20:06

Breastfeeding is not worth this. Just give her a bottle and take her home.

LisaSimpsonsbff · 09/08/2019 20:07

Don't believe anyone who tells you that there is only one right way to parent, or that any (non-abusive or neglectful) one decision made about an infant will have predictable and inevitable consequences. This is as true of the 'if you don't get them on a routine they'll still be in your bed at 16!' as it is of the 'if you do any sort of sleep training they'll have an attachment disorder!'. Across the world, people are parenting in incredibly different ways - no one is producing universally dysfunctional children, but nor has anyone yet started producing children without flaws or hang-ups!

On that note, one of the most helpful parenting books I read (which I wish I'd read before I had DS) was this, which gives you exactly no instructions, but makes you realise just how massive variation in child-rearing is. It makes the 'mummy wars' stuff in the UK feel so silly when you see just how tiny the differences in parenting styles that we argue over are. I wish I'd realised that when DS was a newborn - I read that book when he was 10 months and it really did massively change my outlook.

AlpenCrazy · 09/08/2019 20:08

Those envelope necks on vests and babygros are so you can roll it down over the body, instead of smearing shit all over your baby's hair.

Sagradafamiliar · 09/08/2019 20:11

Alpen that has just blown my mind 😂 great advice indeed!

LooksLikeImStuckHere · 09/08/2019 20:13

Complain to PALS now. By the time you are able to process what happened, it will be too late.

Also, it isn’t just the ‘baby blues’; ask for help now. It won’t get better until you do.

Original poster
JessePinkmanYo · 09/08/2019 20:13

I'm loving all of these.

OP posts:
Vix20678 · 09/08/2019 20:13

It won’t be like this forever, and no there is nothing wrong with you or your baby. Some babies just don’t sleep well! Just go with the flow and stop trying to fix him.

Buyitinbamboo · 09/08/2019 20:35

Take care of yourself. Eat well and exercise. It makes your mental health better which makes you a better mother.

Dont bother with baby sensory/massage/sing and sign. At a push go to mum and baby exercise classes. Otherwise just do what you fancy doing as an adult whilst you can

fleshmarketclose · 09/08/2019 21:10

Enjoy they grow up so fast.

WonkyDonk87 · 09/08/2019 21:44

Trust your instincts. You are not in 'early stages'. You are not being a wuss. You are about to deliver... call the bloody midwife and tell her to come back!

Get someone to take pictures of you with DD. You will be sad that there is no record of you together.

Thecurtainsofdestiny · 09/08/2019 22:50

Your baby is your priority. Don't do what others say just to avoid offending them. Do what's right for your baby.

And that relative who always arrives just when baby is asleep and you are trying to get a nap? Stop answering the door to her!

BoswellsBollocks · 09/08/2019 22:54

Let him run and fall sometimes, you need to let him learn and be free, no one will judge you as a bad mother if you’re not right next to him at all times.

bumblenbean · 09/08/2019 22:56

It’s going to be ok

Lyingonthesofainthedark · 10/08/2019 04:58

They sleep better after 3 months (all mine anyway).

Pinkout · 10/08/2019 08:38

Don’t worry about the housework, it really doesn’t matter.