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Original poster

If you could go back and tell your first-time-new-mother self one thing...

147 replies

JessePinkmanYo · 08/08/2019 23:46

...what would it be?

Mine would be you won't be this lonely forever. You are crippling lonely and isolated and depressed, go and speak out and ask for help.

OP posts:

Misskg1982 · 09/08/2019 07:27

That you're doing just great.
To just smile and not getting into it really isn't worth it, your gut instinct is the best.
(To my OH) to not just let things go and to speak up and let him know his taking the piss. Let him get away with far too much for far too long!

Branster · 09/08/2019 07:31

Sleep when the baby sleeps

shadyzadie123 · 09/08/2019 07:31

Just because you're not 'at work' don't put yourself under pressure to be a 'perfect' Instagram sahm, with a spotless home and dinner on the table. You ARE working, you're keeping a small human alive, and it's the hardest, most all consuming job there is. Don't beat yourself up because you're still in your dressing gown at 5pm and the breakfast dishes haven't been washed up. Stress less about perfection and enjoy your baby.

azulmariposa · 09/08/2019 07:41

Don't buy so much useless crap!

user159 · 09/08/2019 07:44

Take all advice with a pinch of salt, all babies are unique.
Prime example- according to my friends HV my bedtime routine is all the no's in her book yet DD sleeps 10hrs a night pretty consistently at 6 months.

Neolara · 09/08/2019 07:50

Just stick her in bed with you. You'll all sleep better. You'll be doing it in a few weeks anyway when you're desperate so no need to suffer until then.

Goingtoexplode · 09/08/2019 07:52

Get out of the bloody house woman!!!!!!!

Alliumlove · 09/08/2019 07:59

She is fine. Everyone worries. She will be taller than you one day.

Kwackerly · 09/08/2019 08:00

It's worth it. But you'll never be thin again!!!

EssentialHummus · 09/08/2019 08:06

Don't expect your crap parents to morph into amazing grandparents - they won't.

Move house a bit sooner. A week or two would do it.

Go to a sling library, you've got no more chance of doing up that fecking ErgoBaby than walking on Mars.

RobinsNest17 · 09/08/2019 08:13

Follow your instincts- he is poorly, it is not 'just colic', its not 'all newborn babies cry a lot', so don't wait to go back to see another Dr.

DingleyDells · 09/08/2019 08:18

Don't take everything the health visitor says as gospel, especially if your gut instinct is telling you otherwise.

If your dc is playing with Lego then wear slippers, because the pain from stepping on a discarded brick in bare feet is something else!

You won't necessarily have anything in common with other mums apart from their dc being the same age as yours, so don't assume that you will become friends with them any more than you would with any other random collection of people.

BillywigSting · 09/08/2019 08:23

Tell dp to crack on if he wants a clean and tidy house you are busy trying to feed his poorly son.

Take him to the gp so he can have some calpol. He's teething that's why he won't stop crying.

Also, it gets a million times easier by about three months.

Aus84 · 09/08/2019 08:24

To not have so many rules for other people around my new baby. Especially my inlaws. It's an exciting time for all, I wasn't the first person to have a baby and it wasn't all about me. I was much more relaxed with the next two and it was a happier time all round.

Rarfy · 09/08/2019 08:27

Mostly ignore the health visitors they scare the life out of you and seem to make everything so much harder than it needs to be.

Don't panic about everything. I remember being all consumed about sourcing dd some grobags as she had grown out of her newborn one. They had to be grobags as they were the only safe suitable ones. They're all the same really.

It really does go so so fast. Try and enjoy as much of it as you can. Dd is 7months in my head it's all still very new yet here I have a little character. I've already forgotten the sleepy newborn. It's crazy!

Aus84 · 09/08/2019 08:28

Mine is the opposite
Buy a better pram. It will help get you out the house and save your sanity.

@thejudgesaidhewasatitandIagree

Totally agree. The cot, high chair, clothes and the rest don't really matter. But get a good pram. The easy it is to handle the more likely you'll want to be out and about with your baby, which is really important in those lonely early years.

LettuceP · 09/08/2019 08:31

Don't worry about everyone else's judgmental crap! She's not their baby, she's yours and you love her more than they ever could so do what you think is best. I let other people's opinions influence me far too much.

LettuceP · 09/08/2019 08:34

Also sleepsuits are comfy and practical, you really don't need to put them in frilly dresses/cool outfits until they are at least 6 months.

Shockers · 09/08/2019 08:34

Invest ALL your love and time in that beautiful little boy. He’s going to need to draw on that security and self worth when you separate from his dad.

IntoValhalla · 09/08/2019 08:38

You really don’t have to put the baby down if you don’t want to, just because your mum/sister/neighbour etc tells you that you’re making a rod for your own back
Your baby doesn’t have to be in a strict routine from birth.
Your baby is not broken because they don’t follow the rules of said routine!

(I spent the first few months of DC1’s life extremely stressed, feeling like I was doing everything wrong because she didn’t like being put down, and routine simply wasn’t happening. I quickly learned with DC2 that all the behaviour DC1 displayed was perfectly normal, and pretty much everything can be solved with a sling and a boob! )

myusernameisnotmyusername · 09/08/2019 08:40

It won't hurt to give her some formula as well as your breastmilk. Don't listen to the health visitor.

Robotindisguise · 09/08/2019 08:45

Don’t let your MIL make you feel like shit, swallow down your upbringing and stop smiling and being polite. She’s being AWFUL and no amount of being nice to her is going to change that. Also when she gets a bit bigger, stop reading all those Mumsnet posts about PFB mothers getting hilariously stressed about milestones and go to the health visitor. You’re right, but you won’t discover this for years.

bottomflannel · 09/08/2019 08:52

I needed to read this today. Eight-week-old DS2 needs to be held all the time, during naps and at night, and though I know from my first son that you can’t spoil babies or hold them too much, I’m terrified that I’ve buggered things up already by not putting him down.

Polestar50 · 09/08/2019 08:57

Get a cast made of his little hands or feet. I thought they were a bit naff/weird at the time but now he's one, and big and strong, I wish I had something to remind me of how tiny he was. Babygros and photos are not the same as a cast of his actual newborn hand.

While you're at it, get casts made for his grandparents too. They would have loved them.

Even a little footprint would be lovely to have and you can buy print kits for pennies. Just do it!

Babdoc · 09/08/2019 08:57

Get used to the loneliness and learn to cope by yourself. Your DH is going to die before your second baby’s first birthday.

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