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Original poster

If you could go back and tell your first-time-new-mother self one thing...

147 replies

JessePinkmanYo · 08/08/2019 23:46

...what would it be?

Mine would be you won't be this lonely forever. You are crippling lonely and isolated and depressed, go and speak out and ask for help.

OP posts:
thejudgesaidhewasatitandIagree · 09/08/2019 05:35

Also, it really doesn't fucking matter what sort of pram you have

Mine is the opposite Grin
Buy a better pram. It will help get you out the house and save your sanity.

sittingonacornflake · 09/08/2019 05:56

Break up with 'not so D' P before baby arrives.

Learn to safely bed share from the beginning. Don't even bother trying to get DS to use the Moses basket.

Don't turn guest room into nursery as it won't be used for about 8 months. Use guest room to have friends to stay, frequently!

BobTheFishermansWife · 09/08/2019 06:10

It's ok to call him a dick, he doesn't understand yet, and he is a dick sometimes!

Gingerkittykat · 09/08/2019 06:19

Don't almost kill yourself striving for perfection.

Don't get sucked into competitive parenting.

Tobebythesea · 09/08/2019 06:22

Don’t be a doormat with my DH and stick up for your needs. Just because your job is 10 hours paid doesn’t mean it trumps my 24 hour unpaid job caring for our DD. I need some sleep as well.

Same with visitors- There is the kettle. Help yourselves!!

AnnaMariaDreams · 09/08/2019 06:23

Cuddle more, it will be gone in the blink of an eye. TBF I did cuddle him a lot and he napped on me until he was 2. But I miss it!

No guilt about not bf, it’s not worth thinking about ever again- he’ll be fine!

Daisychainsandglitter · 09/08/2019 06:32

Your daughter has CMPA. Do not accept the GP's explanation of baby excema, reflux and just bad colic. Her milk is making her ill. Insist she is switched to Neocate before 8 months old.
Don't be taken advantage of by the GP and HV insisting you're a worried first time mum you are right. There is something wrong.

Dinosauraddict · 09/08/2019 06:41

This thread is amazing! I'm pregnant with PFB and it's so helpful to read, thank you!

RoxytheRexy · 09/08/2019 06:47

Don’t bother trying any sleep ‘training or strategies’. She doesn’t like sleeping (still doesn’t!) just accept that and do whatever to get you through. And don’t give any ‘sleep consultants’ any cash as they are all snake oil merchants preying on vulnerability

RushianDisney · 09/08/2019 06:49

LTB it will be easier in the long run

665TheNeighbourOfTheBeast · 09/08/2019 06:51

Stop being nice to people and not stopping them using you when they are draining your time energy and mood.
E.g.
Your Mil's constant visiting is entirely for her benefit not yours.
&
You DH needs to put in some spade work when his is around so it is not so hard when he goes abroad with work every other month.

Bubbletrouble43 · 09/08/2019 06:54

You don't need a clean tidy house ! I've learnt this second time around. Also, it doesn't matter when baby is sitting up/ sleeping through/ walking/ crawling / eating solids/ talking.... just chill! Also learnt this second time around.

Parker231 · 09/08/2019 06:57

Don’t bother trying to get into a routine for anything - they will sleep, feed, cry when they want whether they are eight weeks, eight months or 18!

TalentedMsRipley · 09/08/2019 07:01

Just enjoy it! And enjoy having big tits.

plugsock · 09/08/2019 07:03

Leave your husband.

goodthinking99 · 09/08/2019 07:05

Don't worry about feeding to sleep. If only I'd known it makes no difference in the long run I could have spent the first six months watching box sets in bed eating biscuits. Instead I was a sleep deprived ball of anxiety failing to get my screeching baby to self soothe...I couldn't even think about having another child after that experience so didn't apply the learning.

Blankiefan · 09/08/2019 07:06

It won't always be shit. You haven't ruined your life. She'll grow into a great kid who'll make you laugh and amaze you with what she can do. You'll find you again and will love family life. Just push through this first bit.

BertieBotts · 09/08/2019 07:09

Parenting camps or styles are bullshit. There is a whole thing obsessing over "what other people are doing wrong" and it doesn't help to get caught up in this. Most ideas have some merit, children will (honestly) be OK whatever "style" you pick and it's OK to decide that an idea doesn't work for you without feeling personally attacked that someone suggested it to begin with.

pennypineapple · 09/08/2019 07:11

Just give her formula, you'll give up breastfeeding in a few weeks anyway and wonder why you tortured yourself persevered for so long. The "benefits" everyone is always banging on about don't outweigh the risk to your mental health.

In second place would be newborns don't get bored! Stop waving rattles in her face and wasting money on classes, save it until she's older.

And in third place is if she's crying and you've recently fed her, she's tired.

orangesandlemmens · 09/08/2019 07:11

Don't let family take the baby so you can 'rest'.
It doesn't work you need the baby with you to sleep.

I spent so long desperately trying to sleep and feeling overwhelmed with tiredness when this happened.

I read the other day that our hormones often mean we are unable to sleep without our baby close. Makes sense!

Newbie1981 · 09/08/2019 07:13

It's not as bad as everyone makes out

orangesandlemmens · 09/08/2019 07:13

newborns don't get bored! Stop waving rattles in her face and wasting money on classes, save it until she's older

Yes to this! I used to spend hours reading and playing with my new baby. I've now realised that sitting them in the bouncer whilst I crack on with jobs is just as much entertainment sometimes.

boosterrooster · 09/08/2019 07:16

Don't let your MIL near you or have very limited contact

You're doing great

If I could have a 3rd thing - disable your Amazon account, he does not need all this shite you're buying!

AnnaBegins · 09/08/2019 07:20

Not every health professional is experienced with babies and it's ok to question their advice or ask if there's another way.

AnnaBegins · 09/08/2019 07:20

Not every health professional is experienced with babies and it's ok to question their advice or ask if there's another way.