If you could go back and tell your first-time-new-mother self one thing...

[JessePinkmanYo]

...what would it be?

Mine would be you won't be this lonely forever. You are crippling lonely and isolated and depressed, go and speak out and ask for help.

That the most important 9 minutes a day will make a HUGE impact on their lives.... the first 3 minutes of the day... the 3 minutes after school/nursery... the last 3 minutes before bedtime... i know it sounds simple/achievable - i failed at this completely in various ways... my temper/rushing/not listening/being totally preoccupied - am honestly paying the price now... I know it's not always possible in that format because of work/real-life etc etc... but the basic principle of consistently giving each one unhurried/relaxed time where every second was about THEM😌

Babies cry a lot. Don’t be frightened to put your baby safely into their cot and walk away, if you’ve tried to settle them and you are getting upset. A baby is more likely to settle in their cot, than being held by an upset mother.

Use formula from the start.

Go back to work straight away and hire a nanny for the first year. Take parental leave when the baby is a year old.

I love the idea about the nine minutes a day. I think I've always tried to do it like that subconsciously anyway, but of course have failed on many occasions I'm sure.

My own advice to myself would be 'DP isn't going to change for the better, in fact he'll only get worse. Don't put yourself through years of trying to change him/yourself. The selfishness and control issues that appeared when DS1 arrived are who he is. And he is not a good father. Get out now.'

Let them spend time with as many people as possible if you don’t want clingy needy kids

Stop feeling like you are not allowed to enjoy your "easy baby" just enjoy the time you have with your baby. (Who is now 21 and still a easy personality it's just who she is)

Let mil keep her over night sooner so she gets used to it. You will need her to be happy been away from you at night and it's going to be less upsetting for her if shes used to it early.

Let them fall, and let them fail - learning resilience is more important when very young than any other time.

Carry on breastfeeding.
Don't listen to the stupid bloody health visitor and give her a bottle in case you get depressed and later don't give her food just because she chews her fists. All babies chew their fists, they're not trying to chew them off with hunger!
Both times I felt the HV was wrong but she was the professional and I was a 19 yo first time mum.

Persevere with breast feeding & also to admit how you're feeling sooner. Ask for help from professionals & do not be ashamed of this.

@Mother87 I LOVE that 9 minutes advice! Thanks!

DH is never going to tell the ILs to stop dropping-in in the evenings, however upset you get. You need to pull up your big girl pants and tell them directly yourself. You will feel so much better when you have taken back control.

Daffodil2018 - it definitely falls under advice I WISH i'd had... or that i'd have realised it was SO obvious...

Pop on FB and join that local mum's group two years earlier. Lifesaver.

Stop putting so much pressure on yourself!!

It’s perfectly okay to spend your day at home cuddling on the sofa. No need to be out socialising and at groups with the stress of a baby that cries a lot.

It’s normal for babies to breastfeed all the time, not sleep and want to be held. Embrace the 4th trimester!

Oh and don’t buy all those ridiculously expensive outfits. Cute baby grows for 6 months is all you need. Never buy anything new like Moses/ snuzpod/ £1000 pram. Second hand all the way.

Enjoy it because you won't have anymore children and he won't sleep until he starts school, so stop wasting your time trying to get him to sleep

Screw the housework woman and take a nap!
You'll be thankful at 3am

Trust yourself and chill the fuck out.

You’ve had major surgery, ache from head to toe and don’t know you’re brewing an infection.

You think you’re resting as much as you can but you’re not! Get other people to pick stuff off the floor for you, take the bin out, make the meals. You’re lucky you have people to lean on. Lean on the people!

Don't move house when she's 6, stay put.

Enjoy it!! Really enjoy it because they are only little once. Mine are grown up now and I rally regret not making the most of the time when they were small.