School holidays with 2 working parents??????????

[Tom]

How the hell do you manage school holidays????

My boy, Cole, is eligible for State Nursery this September - between 1 and 3.30 pm. After payin gover £200 a week for nursery, this is a blessed relief, and it's not hard to figure out how things can work in term time...

My wife and I both work from home, with complete flexibility... so she can look after our boy in the morning until he goes to nursery at 1pm, and I'll work early morning until 3.30, then pick him up and take over until bedtime... easy. BUT.

What the hell do you do in the school holidays? I get 5 weeks holiday a year, and she is self employed, so if she stops working, she stops earning. It's about 13/14 weeks in the year when there's no childcare provision whatsoever... or at least none that I know about.

So it seems like we'll have to keep him in day nursery until he goes to school proper in a year's time, which will cost us loads, but he'll get decent educational input and there's no problem with holidays... OR... another solution that I've not heard of yet.

And anways, when he starts school, the same problems remain - what the hell do you do in the school holidays?????

Hey, Tom, don't knock the 16yr olds!! My own 16yo dd is very responsible - how much are you willing to pay and are you in Scotland?

I'm a bit glum, though, that you think I haven't done my best for my four, by being a SAHM. Surely there's more than one way to skin a cat?

I'd love to be your baby motherinferior! Knew I'd missed some people out but it was SUCH a long thread and couldn't keep scrolling up to the top and seeing who posted...

sorry about the name, now you can imagine me as a medieval wessex princess with daisies in my hair romping across the field to .... hang on there must be a castle in wiltshire... can't think of one. anyway, my castle.
I'd like a moat, that would be nice.

and I agree about the feminism point. and it is even more of a vicious circle, because childminders get paid what working mothers can afford (because there is little point in working if childcare costs take up all or most that precious after tax income) and women generally get paid much less than men for similar jobs....

motherinferior, Naomi Wolf says childcare workers are poorly paid because they are competing with the ultimate slave labour (she prob says labor actually) - mothers. She might have a point I think.

princesspeahead - Farleigh castle near Limpley Stoke?

GRmum, don't know it, has it got a moat?
Are you actually GR or do you just live there? My maternal family are from the Cyclades...

The research on mothers mental health is interesting. Good mental health actually correlates to doing what you want to do...

So if you WANT to be a SAHM, and you are, you are likely to be much happier than someone who wants to work, but has to be a SAHM. And if you want to be a working mum, and you are, you're likely to be happier than someone who wants to be a SAHM and has to go out to work.

High depression levels:
Non-employed mothers
Employed mums solely responsible for childcare

Low depression levels:
Employed women without children
Employed mums who have no problem finding childcare (and whose partners share responsibility for sorting it out) (1)

Source: Ross CE & Mirowsky J (1988) Child care and emotional adjustment to wives? employment, Journal of Health and Social Behaviour 29: 127-138

There is Definitiely more than one way to skin a cat - and I'm sure the differences to children are marginal.

There is no way in hell I'd let my wife be a SAHM though - it would mean that my sons relationship with me would suffer badly and I'd have to do all the breadwinning - and I'll be blown if I'd allow that. One of the best things that happened to me as a dad was my wife going back to work. It gave me space in his life that I didn't have before.

And before anyone says "!How dare you tell your wife what to do!", what would she do if I suddenly declared that I was leaving work to look after our son, with no consultation... she would have to do all the earning and she'd be in a pickle - it's exactly the same for a bloke. These things have to be a joint decision but I'd veto the SAHM option every time - I just wouldn't want to lose out as a father like that.

How would you react if you overheard your hubby discussing with his mate whether or not to return to work after the baby is born!

Tom, Just to add my sympathies to everyone's else's - you seem to have all the options covered now - although you may need to allow more than six months organisation time to actually get all these things to slot into place! I've just sorted out holiday care for my 5yrold - he'll be spending several weeks with me, a few with his dad (I'm a single working parent), a couple of weeks with my parents in Wales, when I'll only see him at the weekend, a week with his auntie and uncle in Essex and a week on a playscheme costing £150. I think myself lucky that my parents are keen to help out. I'm not really sure about the playscheme but don't have any choice but to try it out.

It's a shame that this thread seems to have become a bit judgmental about what different parents have chosen to do - surely all parents are trying to do the best for their kids and keep themselves sane at the same time.

Anyway, good luck Tom - you'll need it...

Thanks Kazbaz - that sounds like exactly the kind of solution that I'll have to put in place!

a mix of...

Several weeks where I work until 2pm and my wife starts then, so we can both take care of our boy in shifts....

A couple of weeks with friends (in a swap for looking after theirs with the above)

A couple of weeks of family holiday when we all take a break and go away

A week or two (hopefully) with my mum, who is retiring soon and is willing to take our boy for a week or two

And possibly some paid options....

A 16 year old who can introduce my three year old to the delights of Eminem and Marilyn Manson (We only play Eminem in the house when he's asleep!!)....

Plus a holiday club if I can find one!

Some other options with honourable mentions...

For single parents.... if the non-res parent is available... time with him/her...

Term time working....

Becoming a teacher....

Any I've missed?

Is there scope here for a Mumsnet/Fathers Direct campaign in conjunction with the Daycare Trust, perhaps?

That's interesting, Tom - and yes, I'm sure people are happiest when doing what they want! I suppose it depends on the definition of a SAHM, too. My style of being a SAHM is very different to my sister. She's lived in the same house for over 30 years and you could set your clock by her - laundry done at 8am Monday, left over Sunday roast for tea; clean the windows 10.30 Tuesday, sausages for tea etc. The door was locked after school on a Friday and not opened again until school on Monday. She was very rigid but surprisingly, her children have grown up to be very normal. Menawhile, we've moved a dozen times, I've always had interests outside the home and done loads of voluntary work, plus for years had a very sick child to care for.

We've been fortunate wrt to DH's input as he has rarely had a 9-5 job, mainly working offshore, which meant he had two weeks at a time at home. I'm sure our children benefited hugely from this because we were able to do so much with them.

How bizarre to be lectured by someone who works as much as me - the only difference is that I have someone young (30s) energetic, creative, caring and cheerful to take ds to the zoo, the park, swimming, playgroups, do drawing and reading with him etc etc (she even buys him presents if she goes away for the weekend) .... but she's not a blood relationship and I pay her money - shock horror!! Why does using unpaid childcare make you feel so superior? But of course, she's a monkey, eh? Why do you feel the need to be so insulting both to other mothers and everyone who works in childcare? And bitchy comments about posts on other threads doesn't do you any favours either.
I must say, I love the assumption that I live in luxury because I have a three bed terrace in SE London.
And no, i couldn't afford not to work for 13 plus weeks a year - how else do you think I afford the staff on the yacht?

BTW, just how much childcare does your husband do, with his fulltime job? As much as wicked Tom who doesn't prioritise his children? Does your husband take six weeks off every summer? I very much doubt it. Does that make him a bad parent?

Tom you missed M2T's idea - that Serafina would mind your son for you.

Excellent point about teachers being strangers, Batters.

Marina - absolutely. It is, of course, what the Minister for Children should be starting to deliver (if she did, aloha, could we forgive her)?

I can't see how it can be possible to be as judgemental and snide as Serephina unless you continually feel the need to bolster your self esteem by putting the choices of others down. It smacks of insecurity to me, particularly if you need to state that you've worked hard at your relationship with your parents in order to ensure that they continue to provide free childcare.

My dd's key worker at her lovely nursery recently gave up her Saturday evening to come and watch dd perform in a ballet show. Some monkey.

Tom, it may not be much comfort yet, but I bet any money that you'll find there are more and varied playschemes available than you think. We get Families newsletter up here, and there are far far more holiday clubs in there than I could ever find through Google and so on. You'll be able to ask parents of older children when your ds starts school.

It's Serephina, not Serafina! They're two different posters!!

Serephina was only here yesterday, Serafina has been around for a month or so.

motherinferior - do we have a minister for children? must keep a very low profile, never heard of him/her. who is it?

I said serephina, honest

It's Margaret Hodge, PPH - see 'cabinet reshuffle' thread under 'other stuff': but I bet you anything she just keeps mouthing platitudes. Maybe some things will change in the UK and start bringing us into line with virtually every other European country. But, I have to keep wondering, why oh why did my great-grandfather have to leave Sweden?

ahh, thanks. missed that. not sure about margaret hodge - she never seems very enthusiastic about anything and a bit of a remote character. interesting to see what she does (if anything!)

I think Tom is great...

Motherinferior, if she apologised to those children and showed the faintest trace of remorse, then I might consider forgiving her. But I think she's essentially wicked.

I'd forgotten she was part of that appalling islington scandal, you are quite right aloha.
but that's what I meant on the prev thread - she is very remote and distant and somehow reactionless, I find her very odd

good detective work sd