School holidays with 2 working parents??????????

[Tom]

How the hell do you manage school holidays????

My boy, Cole, is eligible for State Nursery this September - between 1 and 3.30 pm. After payin gover £200 a week for nursery, this is a blessed relief, and it's not hard to figure out how things can work in term time...

My wife and I both work from home, with complete flexibility... so she can look after our boy in the morning until he goes to nursery at 1pm, and I'll work early morning until 3.30, then pick him up and take over until bedtime... easy. BUT.

What the hell do you do in the school holidays? I get 5 weeks holiday a year, and she is self employed, so if she stops working, she stops earning. It's about 13/14 weeks in the year when there's no childcare provision whatsoever... or at least none that I know about.

So it seems like we'll have to keep him in day nursery until he goes to school proper in a year's time, which will cost us loads, but he'll get decent educational input and there's no problem with holidays... OR... another solution that I've not heard of yet.

And anways, when he starts school, the same problems remain - what the hell do you do in the school holidays?????

term time is the ideal solution, sadly I can't afford the drop in cash that would go with it and its not availaable in my job. My real problems kicked in when my dd was about 11 and didn't want to go anywhere but wanted to stay in on her own. I did cover 2 lots of school hols by having other babies and being on mat leave! Not a solution you can follow thru every year tho'!!

Personally I use paid childcare because I think that being in a group setting with other children develops my sons social skills. And I think he has demonstrably benefitted from it. I personally wouldn't put him in full time childcare, because I think he needs a certain amount of time with mum and time with dad to develop the emotional security that gives him the confidence to grow in social situations where there is less security. We chose not to give our boy too much paid childcare OR too much time with just parents, as we didn't like the effect of either of those options.

There isn't anywhere cheaper in London, Seraphina, believe me. I live on the Peckham Camberwell borders and it is walking distance to my husband's office so he can be home in 15 minutes to do ds's bath every night. If we move further out he will see less of our son. Is that your solution. My mother (my only close relative) lives nearby, but surprise (because we are obviously are not as rich as you and your family) still has a mortgage at 63 and still works pretty much full time. She's not our free unpaid childcare worker, as yours is - I presume that because your mother doesn't need to work while my mother does that makes my mother a bad person too. Why do I have a nannyshare? Because it fits around my hours - I am on a waiting list for a nursery and my childminder (who cost £10 a day less) retired from childminding. Is that OK by you? Also, my nanny adores children, loves looking after my ds and cares very much for him. Funnily enough, I was a stranger to my son when he was born and we got on well enough. I hardly think anyone who looks after a child three days a week for a year can be called a 'stranger' to him, do you? I joked about getting a four bedroomed house in an even grottier part of London because we have two children between us and an au pair at £60 a week is a hell of a lot cheaper than our current option of paying £160 a week. However, as we are mortgaged to our financial limits I doubt this will every happen.God I really hate being lectured by the sanctimonious types who don't know how lucky they are to have what they have. I bet you're not so perfect as you make out, either. And how much childcare does your husband do anyway?

I also work three days a week. How much less SHOULD I work Seraphina, in order to make you happy?

have been searching around and finally found it!

this work of genius comes from scummymummy on a previous thread entitled "is working full time harming my kids?"

Watching sproglets on her webcam
Is unnatural Mum Pamina.
She's abandoned them to baby jail
Just like evil witch Marina.

Such miscreants, such vile scum
To thus neglect their role as Mum
And waste their time with workplace natters.
On the net they chat to Batters-
Another baby hating stinker
Who won't stay home. And then there's Tinker-
(Don't get me started on her badness
For that could truly lead to madness.)

And on the net they also see
Mums who are more truly bonded
Enid, Callie and Liza V
Proper mums who've not absconded.
Better people through and through
Fond of games and snot and poo
And talking slow and high and sweet
And kissing baby hands and feet.

But wait a second, what is this?
A child abandoned in mid kiss?
The perfect Mummy disappears
To post on Mumsnet all her fears.
The child whimpers, whines and pouts
Mummy tuts and types and shouts:
"You're really getting on my tits!"
And suddenly the benefits
Of child care are quite quite clear.
Perhaps there is a nursery near?

hope you don't mind me copying this work of art here scummy - though it was high time for a soh injection!

go aloha!

So Serafina, as a single parent who pays for childcare during the school holidays, what exactly would you do in my position? Give up work? Take a term time job with half the salary I am on now, which we struggle on at the moment? I, along with many others on here, do the very best that we can for our children. All of mine went to nurseries, and we are still in touch with the people who looked after them there because of the bond that was created at the time between them and my children. It is very very easy to be judgmental. It is also hurtful and thoughtless to make comments such as the ones that you have made about parents who are not in as fortunate positionas yourself.

I like my job. It took me years to start doing something I liked, and one of the things that terrified me when I was pregnant was the idea of not doing it any more. Childcare IS a job, I think. My mother didn't work outside the home when we were small, and although she said she'd chosen that option I picked up a hell of a lot of a sense of sacrifice from her; I want my daughter to feel that she can have children, and can do other things as well - I don't want her to feel that motherhood is a sentence. Her childminder loves her, takes care of her, and also does loads of things with her and other children (I agree about the group setting). I really do not look forward to paying over £200 a week for two children, but I can't see an alternative - even if I did want to stop working, I earn more than £200 a week, and we need to pay the mortgage on a house in Catford, which is another grotty bit of SE London.

Maybe that makes me a bad mother. If it does, I honestly think my daughter is better spending time away from someone so dreadful. I also love her passionately, more than I thought I was capable of loving anyone. But I do think it's important to make it clear that some of us work outside the home for other reasons as well as money.

Now I feel REALLY inferior.

oh, and I work four days a week, 8am to 4.30. Or will till the end of this week when I go on four months' maternity leave.

Serephina, I have a great relationship with my parents!! They have their own lives to lead now their children have flown the nest. I don't begrudge them the move down to the coast one little bit. Their parental duties ended when I left home & got married

Oh, and my DSs have gone to nursery for 2 full days a week since each of them turned 2. They love it and have learned loads from their experiences there. They have not suffered one iota and depite being paid peanuts, it's clear the staff care for their little customers.

What planet are you on Seraphina? I'm not surprised people are arguing with your point of view. Really don't know what you'll make of this...

I only work 14 hours a week and can take lots of time off in the hols, but I CHOOSE to put my 8 yr old dd in some of the playschemes at local sportscentres and theatres. She positively enjoys being out meeting people and doing 'stuff' with other children, she'd be bored with me all the time - but maybe that's just a reflection on me as a parent

I've just rememberd being sent to a Play Scheme when I was about 9 and do you know what? I thought I was going because I wanted to, not because my mum wanted to get rid of me!! How bizarre...

I faced this problem and my eventual solution was to give up all ideas of a career until my dd's were old enough to look after themselves during the holidays. I am fortunate to be in a stable marriage and although it meant significant reductions in our lifestyle, we could afford for me not to work. However, during this time holidays away from home didn't happen, I drove old bangers, nights out happened once a year for dh's Christmas do, new clothes were a rarity and we lived in a much smaller house than I would have liked.

Now dd's are teenagers, I've retrained as a teacher, partly as this is a profession I have always been interested in, but also to ensure that I have school holidays with my dd's. Believe it or not Tom, it gets more difficult as they get older as they do care who they're with!

Teaching is incredibly hard work, I normally leave school by 4.30 - 5.00pm; often bring work home with me and always spend all day Sunday working. However, you cannot deny the hols are a fantastic advantage. The downside is you can't just take a day or half day off when it suits you - so getting to your own kids' carol concerts, school plays etc can be very difficult.

One of my real bugbears is when people seem to think that school should be a babysitting service - I'm not suggesting that Tom takes this view, but some do and it really winds me up! Schools are for educating children, and kids need school hols to wind down and be kids, and spend time with their parents. The last thing a kid needs is to be in a school-like environment - otherwise what's the point of holidays?!

Lol - not an option for us - I pay for the mortgage and bills, and my wife pays for food and clothes - which one should we give up!!?

Go naked and live in a tent

How much are four bedroom houses in your area Motherinferior? I fancy doing something really materialistic!

Well, I guess I am a super super bad mom. I don't actually work for financial reasons! I work because it's mentally stimulating and I think it makes me a happier person and therefore a better mother and wife (my dh is next to me nodding his head violently). My mother also worked (prof. of biochemistry) because she loved the mental stimulation. I think I have the best mother in the world and hope to be as good a mother as she is.
And just because I leave my children with a childminder who gets paid for it, doesn't mean I'm leaving them with someone who doesn't love them. I picked my children's carer very carefully.

If childcare is recognised as important by society then we would pay the providers of childcare a decent wage. They earn peanuts. Pay peanuts, get monkeys. Unpalatable but true.

If childcare is recognised as important by society then we would pay the providers of childcare a decent wage. They earn peanuts. Pay peanuts, get monkeys. Unpalatable but true.

If childcare is recognised as important by society then we would pay the providers of childcare a decent wage. They earn peanuts. Pay peanuts, get monkeys. Unpalatable but true.

Obviously the carers at DSs nursery are paid more than peanuts then as they aren't anything like monkeys. What a load of !

Soupdragon - what is their hourly rate, of interest?

Haven't a clue but they're not monkeys so by your definition it can't be peanuts.

Well statements like that Serephina pretty much show you've lost the argument. Why not try to answer people? Why should grandparents, if there are any, look after their grandchildren? What should working single mothers do?