School holidays with 2 working parents??????????

[Tom]

How the hell do you manage school holidays????

My boy, Cole, is eligible for State Nursery this September - between 1 and 3.30 pm. After payin gover £200 a week for nursery, this is a blessed relief, and it's not hard to figure out how things can work in term time...

My wife and I both work from home, with complete flexibility... so she can look after our boy in the morning until he goes to nursery at 1pm, and I'll work early morning until 3.30, then pick him up and take over until bedtime... easy. BUT.

What the hell do you do in the school holidays? I get 5 weeks holiday a year, and she is self employed, so if she stops working, she stops earning. It's about 13/14 weeks in the year when there's no childcare provision whatsoever... or at least none that I know about.

So it seems like we'll have to keep him in day nursery until he goes to school proper in a year's time, which will cost us loads, but he'll get decent educational input and there's no problem with holidays... OR... another solution that I've not heard of yet.

And anways, when he starts school, the same problems remain - what the hell do you do in the school holidays?????

Quote:
"you lift the aga lid to put the kettle on the hotplate and put the mug you were going to make tea in on it instead

you drain pasta into a colander in the sink and then realise you have forgotten to put the colander in the sink so have to scrape all the pasta out of the sink back into the saucepan and hope dh hasn't noticed

you put tub of icecream carefully back in plate cupboard next to freezer after supper, only to discover the molten sticky mess next breakfast time

you spend ages trying to get your son's attention, wonder why he isn't paying a blind bit of notice and then realise you have been shouting the dogs name at him

a friend phones and tells you that they have been back in the UK since april, after 6 years in Hong Kong and you say "what, you've been back almost a year and you've only just told me?!" for them to say in a confused way "no, I've been back 2 months, its only June".

that's the last 48 hours in the life of the aptly named princesspeahead....

The social sacrifices we all must make... I don't have an aga but both sets of grandparents do, thus my child gets to se both sides of the social divide (joke)

I generally get my child's name right first time - it's easier given that living in our present accommodation we haven't got space for a goldfish or a stick insect let alone a dog.

My point, more seriously, is that working parents should analyse their situation and make decisions before becoming parents. In the short term we have conciously given up a bigger house in the country and all mod cons, fancy holidays etc to provide as much parental care as possible for our child.

OK Lillibet - maybe my opinion is based on personel experience and it's living in London that is causing my sister the problems, rent is so expensive, childcare is astronomical - both compared to her salary anyway.
I'm afraid I object to Seraphinas attitude and her implication that we pay peanuts to monkies to look after our children.

I thought about it very carefully Serephina (see below), and I concluded that full time parental care is not the best for a child (especially if it is done by only one parent). This was based on research on child development.

with you 100% on the peanuts comment, Sonnet

And I have three children and two cats and sometimes try three or four names before I get the right one!

What has that quote got to do with the issue!!!
You've obviously had a very bad day and are taking it all out on mumsnet
Quote from seraphina:My point, more seriously, is that working parents should analyse their situation and make decisions before becoming parents. In the short term we have conciously given up a bigger house in the country and all mod cons, fancy holidays etc to provide as much parental care as possible for our child.end of quote

We did analyse our situation before becoming parents. We have also given up a bigger house, fancy holidays etc BUT I do need to earn some money even for this modest lifestyle..so I work three days a week - maybe in your eyes I shouldn't have had children because my mum wasn't able to look after my offspring?

Somebody has said this already: why shoulod your parents want to do it - they've put their baby days behind them surely they should be able to enjoy their lives.
If I were you Seraphina I would have read this thread and counted my blessings that I didn't have to worry about this issue, and then moved on....

How many of us would want to end up as childminders for our (future) grandchildren? No thanks!

Well said Tom
Lilibet - 2 children, 2 cats and still get confused - glad it's not just me!

serephina, pretty cheap shot at princesspeahead, whatever you think of her chat nickname.

Yes and the thing is I can call my six year old son Harriet and he answers me!!! There's no hope for them, they're as loopy as their mother, must be all that being cared for by monkeys in their formative yers!

Sonnet, I also now only work 3 days a week having given up career progression for the time being to make time for child care.

As to the relevance of the quote, if someone can joke about casual daily mishaps in the kitchen involving a glorified cooker that costs close to six thousand pounds (an aga) then the evidence would tend to suggest that their financial struggle in face of the cost of childcare is not quite as close to the bone as many of the rest of us find it.
IMO that parental care for a child in the first 3 years is the best option, and this is the point I was attempting to argue. Myself and dp have made huge sacrifices in terms of standard of living and social life to ensure the best for our child.

but, serephina, it is still not clear why you think others on this thread have not made huge sacrifices in terms of standard of living and social life to ensure the best for their children. i know i have and also in terms of career progression, but i will still have the school holidays conundrum.

A few points:

When my son has attended playclubs, he's been in the company of a good few children of SAHMS who send their child to the club so both child and parent have a refreshing break from one another.

Summer holiday playclubs aren't only there to cater for children of working parents. They are there to provide activities, stimulation and company for any child.

And the older your child gets, the wider the range of music, sports and drama activites that are open to them. OK 'strangers' run them - strangers like sports coaches, drama tutors, artists, musicians. Can't see what harm they are going to do to my child and can't see I'd be a better mother for keeping my child at home away from their bad influence.

Seraphina, how do you feel about extra curricular activities held in the holidays? IME as children get older, more and more things cater for their interests. Should you not allow your child to go?

Another point: In my 9 years of being a mother I have experienced the lot - I've been a SAHM, a part time worker and a very, very full time worker. So has my Dh. Our two sons have had all sorts of care arrangements - looked after by me full time (all the holidays too) looked after by dh (ditto). Sent to childminders and holiday playclubs when we have both been at work. They have adapted wonderfully to any arrangment. They have not been noticeably happier or developed more quickly in the years they have had mum or dad to themselves full time. Like any loving parent we choose our minders and playclubs with care and have felt happy on the whole with our choices.

third point - motherinferior and aloha - I'm a real cheapskate compared to you two I live in the Woolwich/Plumstead area. Aloha, FYI a 4 bedroom house costs approx 150 - 200 thousand pounds - oh and there's a couple of very nice voluntary aided primary schools that are nearby .

agree with Bossykate here...
Seraphina - the topic under discussion was school holiday care - not care in the first three years of life.
If I remember, you cover off holiday care by a combination of your own holiday and your parents.
What would you do if your parents couldn't provide care?

Tigermoth - that they've adapted well is reassuring to hear. My Dd has also enjoyed holiday clubs - particularly a dance and drama one she did last year. She gained a lot from it particiularly self confidence!

agree with Bossykate here...
Seraphina - the topic under discussion was school holiday care - not care in the first three years of life.
If I remember, you cover off holiday care by a combination of your own holiday and your parents.
What would you do if your parents couldn't provide care?

Tigermoth - that they've adapted well is reassuring to hear. My Dd has also enjoyed holiday clubs - particularly a dance and drama one she did last year. She gained a lot from it particiularly self confidence!

Well, seems to me that squishing your child into a space not big enought to fit a goldfish is hardly doing the best for your child.
Tom, in the usa, we don't have all the half term holidays you have here in the uk. Instead there is mostly just the long summer holiday to worry about. There are lots of summer camps etc. and I would also guess it's much easier to get someone for a 3 mo. period than a few weeks here and there. Maybe you should lobby for a change in the school year....

Seraphina, as a childminder of 16 yeras, highly qualified and trained, quality assured ans about to be awarded Investors in Children, I find your attitiude to childcarers totally offensive.

Not all child minders do it for the money, they do so because they love children and wish toa aprovide a service for parents who have to work. We aim to make that as simple and pleasant for the parent. Parents feel guilty enough leaving their children without comments from you about leaving them with monkeys.

Incidentally, I earned £30k last year as a childminder, I don't think that is peanuts, it pays for two lots of school fees and two ski holidays a year. plus all the other luxuries. I am lucky I live in an affluent area, but I know childminders who earn a lot less and love their job. We care about the children in our care.

Good for you Alibubbles. Well said!

The average salary for a Nanny in London is now around £24,000 (and outside of London £18,000) - hardly peanuts. I would also be surprised if the salary for a female Nursery worker in London was dramatically lower than the amount earned by a similarly aged and qualified female in another profession.

To me, comments which refer to childcarers as "strangers" reveals an astonishing ignorance of the reality of the relationship between a carer and a child.

Serephina, my children get personal attention from me 5 days a week. Yes, I am more than happy with the care they receive. I do not, however, feel the need to be insulting about other's choices. I see your DD goes to preschool - clearly you have no problem leaving your child with "monkeys" after all.

As for insulting other posters posts on other threads, that's a cheap shot. What about Princespeaheads advice on "no weight gain" or "naps for 2 year olds" or how about "No foetal movement felt"

alibubbles,

and I agree that quoting princesspeahead's post on another thread is not fair.

PS thinking of my previous message, I just wanted to revise the estimate of the cost of a 4 bed house in my area. More likely between 150 and 250 thousand pounds.

Seraphina - This thread has really peeved me off! Who do you think you are!

BOTH my parents work full time! Was I to wait until they both retired then expect them to look after ds??? What a weird perception of real life you have...... silver spoon springs to mind. GASP SHOCK HORROR at the thought of living in a house with less than 4 bedrooms and not going on fancy holidays!

You are the one coming across as materialistic. I NEVER spent my money on fancy holidays as I found the money was much better spent creating a nice environment for when ds was born.

I already live in a cheap housing area as I could not afford the better areas at the time. Fair enough..... I could have bought a one-bedroomed flat instead of a 2 bedroomed Semi with a nice garden for ds, but is living in a hovel better than having 2 parents working fulltime??

Sorry if this is repeating other posts, but I was too angry to read the rest!

We earn the bare minimum to keep a roof over our heads..... feed us comfortably.... enjoy a couple of meals out..... and buy ds nice clothes. We don't have a car and we have NEVER been on holiday together.

Seraphina.... you obviously have no idea of what it's like to live on a REAL budget. So please don't judge those of us that have to.

Hmph. Rant over.

serephina with the money you safe in childcare why don`t you buy yourself a forest and get lost in it?

you`re very,very insulting!