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Original poster

Would you become a housewife if you could?

63 replies

morleylass · 29/06/2009 16:45

The reason I say housewife rather than sahm is that both my dc are at school now so during the day in term time I wouldn't have any kids around.
Due to a change in circumstances I could potentially not work now for a year or two - although it would mean that we wouldn't have foreign holidays and extras. I would however not have all the rushing around, leaving the house each day at 7.30 am and arranging holiday care, sickness cover etc. I could also get things done during the day time so that when the kids came home I could spend time with them rather than saying that I'm busy all the time.
But am I mad to even consider this? - i do my job purely for the money, certainly not for the love of it, but it is part time and they are flexible, so I know I am fortunate.
Would you consider it or am I being precious?

ML

OP posts:
screamingabdab · 29/06/2009 17:31

Well, I do it, so I suppose I'm biased ! (I am just starting to get back into work for the first time in 8 years - eek).

It does have all the advantages you list - time to get things sorted at home, so when you pick up the DCs you are not worrying about anything that happened at work, or anything you have to do at home. I think they would probably appreciate it, if the job you do at the moment leaves you stressed or running around a lot. It certainly will make holiday logistics easier.

It will probably take you a while to get used to the change of pace. You might find you are a bit bored, but you could fill some time with stuff like helping at the school, or other voluntary work.
You may also find it a bit hard to adjust to not earning money, and to the idea that you are still contributing to family life, by being round a bit more. Lastly, I would say that if you have a partner, to make sure you are in agreement about what you are going to do, and you will probably have to re-negotiate duties around the house etc. A possible danger is him resenting your freedom at home (just something to be aware of !)

I would say - try it - what have you got to lose ?

reikizen · 29/06/2009 17:34

I suppose if I hated my job (which I don't) but wouldn't you have to have the world's best social life to compensate? Oh, it sounds like you want to go for it and lots of people love it but I would go STARK STARING MAD.

violethill · 29/06/2009 23:20

I wouldn't personally. If I were in your position, doing my job only for money, rather than self fulfilment, then I would use the next couple of years to change direction and find something I did love. If you have a couple of years breathing space it's an ideal chance to maybe retrain, or go to University etc. Life's too short to spend it in a dull job! And personally I think too short to spend it being a housewife!

thedolly · 29/06/2009 23:45

I would be tempted but I think the novelty would wear off.

Agree with Violethill that it would provide the ideal opportunity to retrain. Also you could take up some new hobbies and spend your time doing something you enjoy - veg patch?

screamingabdab · 30/06/2009 07:12

Good idea violethill it's what I'm doing now

aGalChangedHerName · 30/06/2009 07:35

I would love to be a housewife instead of a CM. At least for a couple of years while the dd's are still small.

Would be happy just doing stuff with them instead of CMing!!

LoveMyGirls · 30/06/2009 07:48

aGAl - I'm a cm'er too and just said to dp do you think I'll ever be a HW? He said no and that I get the best of both worlds and I think he's right, do wish we didn't have the paperwork side though!

aGalChangedHerName · 30/06/2009 07:53

Yeah don't get me started on the paperwork lol. I just would like to be able to do what a 'proper SAHM' does iykwim?

Take the dc to swimming lessons and out for lunch etc. Not gonna happen so will give myself a slap!!

Kayzr · 30/06/2009 07:55

Yes!! Due back at work in August, depending on MIL saying she will look after the boys. I missed DS1 first steps and first real word by being at work and dreading missing them with DS2 as well

Original poster
morleylass · 30/06/2009 14:45

Thanks for your replies - and I definitely haven't decided yet, I'm so indecisive which is why I thought I would get some other opinions!
I have thought of taking some time to retrain and should look into that more.

I don't think I would get bored, we've recently got a dog that needs lots of exercise (which could be during the day rather than 6 am) and I do stuff for the PTA now and there is other voluntary stuff that I could do. I'd also like to be able to do stuff to the house and garden (that never gets done because of time constraints).

However I then think of the money I'd give up, pension etc and wonder if it's the right thing - should I live for today or tomorrow? More thinking required!

OP posts:
TheProfiteroleThief · 30/06/2009 14:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

barnsleybelle · 30/06/2009 15:06

I would do it... it's wonderful for the children.
What i remember about my younger days are not the things we had but the things we did together. I loved having my mother there to take me to school every day and there when i came home for tea everyday. I remember we never rushed about from one place to other. We rarely went abroad but mum would take us on lots of country walks in the hols and we would bake etc.
I wanted this for my children so left work when i had my children. I love it and so do they.

I'm most certainly not knocking working mums by any extreme. I think if you have the opportunity then do it for a while and see how it goes. You can always go back should it not be for you.

Kiwinyc · 30/06/2009 16:52

Yes, considering I only come to work because I hate childcare! But would I actually do it - probably not, because I like having my own money too. So i'd continue working part time as I do now.

lotuseater · 01/07/2009 20:22

Having the very same internal conversation myself right now. I think I am going to resign. I can always get another job, but I'll never get this time again. Everything will be very tight, but have been anxious about nursery since before she was born, and to be honest, my heart isn't really in work anymore. I am worried about the next 4/6 years stretching in front of me (am planning another baby), and because I have well paid, flexible job which only a nutter would give up in the current climate. On the other hand, I have a very clingy, shy baby, and if I can give my baby more security and confidence by staying home with her, then I'm happy. I'm also incredibly thankful that I am able to make the choice.

philopastry · 01/07/2009 21:26

Original question - Yes I would.

I can think of loads of fun, interesting and worthwhile things to do with my time other than look after the kids and/or work.
And it sounds like you can too.

If you work 'purely for the money' and you don't need for the next year or two, then what is really holding you back?

I think that sometimes we can think too hard about things and not listen to our intuition which is yelling at us - have you tried tuning into that? Imagine yourself in 12 months time having gone down both roads. Rally flesh out what your life will be like in both places. Which place do you feel most drawn to?

philopastry · 01/07/2009 21:27

Really not rally!

duckyfuzz · 01/07/2009 21:28

yes I would, I'd love it

Overmydeadbody · 01/07/2009 21:29

Yes I would

If I had a rich DP who was happy to bring the money in while I looked after the vast country house. I would love that.

MrsMattie · 01/07/2009 21:32

If I was rich enough to employ staff and never have to do a stroke of housework - sure. Otherwise - no chance.

Pendulum · 01/07/2009 21:37

Personally? I really don't think I would, even if I could.

  • I would miss the fast pace of work and probably be a bit bored
  • It's sad but true that my children would drive me insane if I was with them 24/7 (as would anyone else)
  • I would get depressed about the state of the house (both the mess and the fact we wouldn't be able to afford any improvements)
  • I would worry about money and pensions long-term

-I'm not sure how I would cope with being financially dependent on DH

  • I would worry about my future job prospects

My mum stayed at home until I was 12 and I have very comforting memories of her being around. But now she is nearly 60 and while she is rightly proud of devoting herself to bringing us up, she has recently begun to talk with regret about never having had a career or a job that really interested her.

Hormonesnomore · 01/07/2009 21:45

YES yes yes YES

llareggub · 01/07/2009 22:24

Hmm.

I've thought about this a lot lately, as I have just had my 2nd child. I've contemplated giving up work for good and being a SAHM. However, DH may well lose his previously secure job tomorrow and my mind is truly made-up. I will return to my part-time but reasonably well-paid job to ensure some financial security for me and my family.

elliott · 01/07/2009 22:32

No. I'd rather do my job and earn money than have to do all the housework and feel dependent on dh. I would hate to feel like his and the children's housekeeper.

elastamum · 01/07/2009 22:34

Yes! I am a LP and this morning I left the house at 5.30am and got back at 9pm ( i have an au pair) once I have chated with the kids and got them to bed there is always stuff to do so i get to bed around 11pm. Usually I leave before 8 and get in around 7pm, day in day out. Its a killer and I miss my kids but at least I can support us all

SolidGoldBrass · 01/07/2009 22:39

Not in a million years. While I might give the impression to casual acquaintances of being a SAHM right now, I do in fact work roughly a 35 hour week (just happens to be half nightwork-at-home).
I think a very important factor to consider is: are you sure you can trust your partner not to start considering himself your boss/owner if he is the only one bringing in an income? Because of the centuries of cultural conditioning to this effect, when a woman is economically dependent on a man he quite often starts to think that her job/purpose is to do all the domestic work and childcare and give him sex on demand, in exchange for her keep. You need to guard against this mindset as it is very bad for you.

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