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Original poster

Has anyone else lost their ambition since having children?

51 replies

BEAUTlFUL · 09/09/2008 21:45

I used to be soooo driven. I had to be the best at my job, worked all hours, used my career to define myself...

Now? Pffft. I would love to immerse myself in family life and give up, pretty much. I only do it for the money now, if I'm completely honest.

Is it just me?

OP posts:
MegBusset · 09/09/2008 21:48

Me too. I think I just have a different perspective. Things I used to get very worked-up about just seem very unimportant now. Plus there's no way I would put up with a lot of the crap I used to.

In fact I've pretty much made myself unemployable I reckon, so I've become self-employed instead -- much better!

Megglevache · 09/09/2008 21:49

no, my confidence though, definitely.

cherrieberry · 09/09/2008 21:50

im the same.got no oomph for a career.quite happy being a unyummy mummy and going to playgroups and walks and usual pree school stuff!!!!

Original poster
BEAUTlFUL · 09/09/2008 21:52

I wonder if it's just that motherhood is all-consuming... or does it make us lazy? The pace of life with children slows down a lot, dunnit.

Secret confession: I wish I'd married someone loaded. ! I always wanted to make my own money, but that urge too has vanished.

OP posts:
hotbot · 09/09/2008 22:19

havent lost my ambition,I work hard at work but won't stay late anymore, also would have to think about not taking a job if it meant working later / longer/ travelling more.

Flum · 09/09/2008 22:21

Yeah. Thank God DH is ambitious and wants to make a bit of money. I just can't be arsed and want to play with kids and read Heat magazine.

Zebraa · 09/09/2008 22:22

Nope, I have no interest in returning to work but then I have fallen pregnant with my second child whilst on maternity leave with DS ha

fishie · 09/09/2008 22:25

i am more confident and have been promoted since return from mat leave. as you say megb, things are more in perspective, so no fussing.

TheGreatScootini · 09/09/2008 22:25

I used to live for work.I have a job you really need to be bothered about (its care-y)and TBH I dont give nearly enough of a monkeys anymore.I just want to be at home with the DD's but we need the money..I feel very guilty as am not at home and at work because im not fully 'there'

I have just been given a new project at work.I would once have been really excited and proud as its good exposure and high profile but my first though was 'God,Not more work'

moondog · 09/09/2008 22:26

I hated not working.It made me feel like a nothing person. I know SAHMS are of course not 'nothing persons' but that is how i felt, like I didn't exist.People treat me with more respect when working esp. men.

cali · 09/09/2008 22:28

Hadn't lost my ambition, still had a lot of things that I hoped to achieve at work but realised last week they are no longer possible.

The NHS is/can be an awful employer if you have young children and do not have a partner at home to help out with childcare.

But following a meeting last week at work, I realised what is now important to me and this has given me the incentive to do something else and leave the nhs.

Hassled · 09/09/2008 22:30

Absolutely. I never would have thought, aged 20 and driven and ambitious and clever, that I would end up quite happily plodding along in an unchallenging very PT working-from-home job. But it actually took some years of motherhood/working to kill my ambition - after DC4 I decided enough was enough, I just wanted to enjoy my family.

moondog · 09/09/2008 22:33

Cali, I work for the NHS and they have been fantastic. i always get unpaid leave when I ask for it (have just had 6 weeks to be abroad with dh) and every request for flexibility/pt/career break has been met.

cali · 09/09/2008 22:41

Wish I worked in your part of the NHS moondog, the nursery where my dds' go changed it's opening ours just before I was due to go back to work after dd2.

I start work at 8am and for a while the nursery manager was meeting me enroute and taking both dd's until nursery opened, she has now left and I have to drop them off before I can get to work.

I am at the most 10-15 mins late, I wrote to my manager explaining the situation and that the nursery are hoping to open at 7:30am very soon.

She told me that it was not sustainable me turning up to work late and it was unfair on the rest of the staff. She admitted that there were several people who came in late constantly due to poor time keeping and this was now accepted as this is how they are and nothing would change them.

sorry for length of post and slight hijack of thread

moondog · 09/09/2008 23:10

Blimey Cali, that is so off!
I'd be talking with the union myself!

I'm a salt so we are quite lucky as demand exceeds supply and they like to keep us happy so we stay.

CountessDracula · 09/09/2008 23:13

I did for a while yes
Felt like I was going through the motions

Then I became self-employed and I am much better

I am defo of the work to live not live to work camp though.

moondog · 09/09/2008 23:14

But you are a lazy cow by own admission yes, CD??

CountessDracula · 09/09/2008 23:15

watch it you fecking hound
I know where you live

CountessDracula · 09/09/2008 23:17

and FYI I am VERY hard working
I just don't believe in working harder than I have to
I still get paid
even when being lazy

moondog · 09/09/2008 23:17

I was told by line manager yesterday that I work too hard and have to learn to 'wing it' a bit more. So I went to the gym and had my hair cut and buggered about with perfume in Boots for my lunch hour.
Oh and then returned to office and read Torygraph, before turning down 3 separate requests for assistance. .

I think she will be pleased.

CountessDracula · 09/09/2008 23:18

Ah yes winging it
my specialist subject

I rarely prepare for a meeting more than 30 secs before it is due

cali · 09/09/2008 23:25

sorry, watching kate garraway on ch4 +1 at the moment and forgot to reply.

In Scotland, there is a shortage of at least 200 neonatal nurses, nearly every unit works 12.5 hour shifts and they will not offer family friendly hours as they claim it is not in the interests of the service. So they are finding staff retention difficult, I wonder why

Interested in doing a baby massage course and then running classes for parents, I don't know if there are many available in Fife?

sophiebbb · 10/09/2008 00:12

I am so glad someone has started this thread because I felt a bit freaky!!!

I worked (ha ha - I used the past tense - am still there - on maternity leave but really feel I have left because in my mind I have) for a big multinational and whereas once I was highly driven, at the top of my career and going upwards fast, since having 2 children I really cannot get myself motivated to go back. It all just seems a load of meaningless rubbish.

I do still write lists of things at home because I have to feel I am achieving something, even if it is pruning the garden while the kids have their lunchtime nap. But the things on my list are like: pay bill, sort out books, rewrite our will, send card to x etc etc.

Does this phase pass - do you get the ambition back when the DCs are older? What age? Anyone???!!

Original poster
BEAUTlFUL · 10/09/2008 11:42

Mine hasn't returned yet, and DS1 is 5, DS2 is 7 months.

I sort of imagine I'll be one of those women who blossoms in middle-age when they're at Uni. Banging out best-selling novels from the dining table, etc...

OP posts:
mylittlemonsters · 15/09/2008 22:10

Sophiebb - that is exactly what I feel like and do too.

Am meant to return in New Year and also wish had married someone loaded.

Plus wish credit crunch not happening as that would mean would not need to return.

work want me to move to a new role and I am - oh god more hours to prove myself in a job I can't get excited about. wierdly it is a job I would have killed for pre children