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Original poster

i'll get flamed but why are stay home mothers so smug?

316 replies

wombleprincess · 29/08/2008 10:47

this is not a thread about the pros and cons of working/not working, i just wonder if anyone finds that stay at home mothers are really smug about the choice they've made? or is it just my experience? cant they just live and let live? I dont judge them, but they seem to be very judgemental about working mothers.

anyway, a friday topic for anyone at work trying to get through the day perhaps!!

OP posts:
Original poster
wombleprincess · 29/08/2008 15:02

sticking with cats as smuggest. sorry. flame me, go on!

OP posts:
RubyRioja · 29/08/2008 15:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

scottishmummy · 29/08/2008 15:03

ach so there is smugness in smug towers and its agricultural holdings and animal compound

FruitynNutty · 29/08/2008 15:07

They're smug because they can afford to stay at home and not work (That's if they're capable of working, I don't have a problem for those of you who physically cant work). Still, if I had a rich husband I wouldn't work either And I'd be quite smug too

woodstock3 · 29/08/2008 15:11

perhaps your neighbour wasnt actually being smug but being defensive? i have a (non smug) sahm friend who says she feels like people are judging her for NOT working - like she must be a boring housewife who's too dim to hold down a proper job, which she isnt at all.
maybe your neighbour feels (however wrongly) that you look down on her for not working and was saying whatever it was about development to justify what she does all day. i think in RL women judge each other a LOT less than the media always says they do and probably a LOT less than they do on MN.
ps cats are haughty, not smug. is different no?

Heated · 29/08/2008 15:30

I really don't know any smug SAHMs. The ones I know are friendly, vibrant and interesting.

I once met a smug hb of a lovely SAHM, does that count?

scottishmummy · 29/08/2008 15:39

only in MN do folk get in a fankle about SAHM/working.in real life no one bothers

why should they

berolina · 29/08/2008 15:46

I know (in RL) a smug SAHM, but it is how she is, not her SAHMness, that makes her so. She also had such a heartbreaking struggle to become a mother in the first place that tbh sometimes I think she's entitled to it. She is a good friend and would probably admit herself she is smug. Her judgementalness is more difficult for me (WOHM PT, emphatically not by choice) to deal with, though.

In general SAHMs I know are convinved (to varying degrees) of the rightness of their choice for their own circumstances, but not smug.

Original poster
wombleprincess · 29/08/2008 15:51

woodstock, i am sure the numerous cats that sh*t in my garden are smug looking but i will examine closely next time i catch one for haughtyness.

OP posts:
Slubberdegullion · 29/08/2008 16:31

animal smug update.

Llamas are smug.

Owls are OFF THE SCALE with their pompous, priggish ways.

Owls have knocked goats off the top position.

SummatAnNowt · 29/08/2008 16:37

I'm not an acronym I'm a free woman!

In the real world no-one seems to actually care!

Slubberdegullion · 29/08/2008 16:43

RIGHT ON! You tell the bastards Summat.

[no idea what you are talking about]

Slubberdegullion · 29/08/2008 16:44

oh yess ok, sorry, sahm/wohm thing. Sorry I thought you might have been an owl. sorry.

bramblebooks · 29/08/2008 16:46

My mind is boggling now at the thought of owls dive bombing goats from the top of pointy pyreenean (oh ffs, I can't be bothered to look up the correct spelling) mountains in some sort of Harry Potteresque mescalin induced attack.

I now have football boots, trainers and school shoes which fit for both my boys, therefore am smug. smug emoticon

Slubberdegullion · 29/08/2008 16:49

bramble, no dive bombing required. They just open their eyes and sneer at you, and you shrivel up inside. I know what they are thinking. They are thinking

"You my dear, are a complete twat"

SqueakyPop · 29/08/2008 16:54

When I was a SAHM, the only time I was every smug was when my former colleagues would ask what I did all day - and I would reply, "whatever I want".

Other than that, I knew that it was right for me at the time, and when I returned to work, that was also a good choice. We do what is best for our families.

Perhaps those who make a stand one way or the other don't have a realistic choice to make - can't rtw because their pay won't cover childcare: can't stay at home because their pay is required to make ends meet.

makeminealargeoneplease · 29/08/2008 16:56

Don't know about SAHM's being smug. Not in my experience, at all. The only REALLY smug mum I know is a WOHM who constantly rubs it in our faces that she has a bigger house, DS goes to private school, they have 2 BMW's, blah blah. I swear she thinks we all wish we were her. Sad cow. I've chosen to be SAHM but we have made sacrifices for it. I've never been happier in life doing what i do but I wouldn't say I'm smug. If you are pleased with your choices does that make you smug????? I hope not.

ronshar · 29/08/2008 17:01

I am not smug I am knackered. Easier to go to work.
In the school holidays at least. Term time no problems!

I have done both, so I know both sides of the discussion.
Neither choice is an easy one to make. You have to do what you feel is right, for you and DC, at the time.

LaVieEnRose · 29/08/2008 17:19

Smug? why would they be smug? I'm just coming to the end of my mat leave and cannot wait to get back to work. The thought of being with ds 24/7 for the next 4 years brings me out in a cold sweat!

i honestly feel sorry for them!

thumbwitch · 29/08/2008 17:30

don't need feeling sorry for either - I love being at home with DS.

Are you sure, slubber? What about a face-off between a camel and an owl? surely the camel would have the eye out of the owl as well and render it grounded with its accurate-up-to-many-metres aimed cud-ball?

Janni · 29/08/2008 17:33

I think sometimes SAHMS feel obliged to explain why they are not at work. The reasons they give might sound 'smug' to a working mum. IME though, it's quite hard for a SAHM to have very high self esteem as there's precious little external recognition for what you do and you have to have a very strong sense of yourself to cope with it, particularly if you were used to having a career.

I'm planning to go back to work and my middle child (aged 8) was absolutely flabberghasted. Could not believe it was even a possibility. That made me feel beyond crap.

So no, smug is not a word I recognise.

Slubberdegullion · 29/08/2008 17:37

oh thumbwitch no no. We are not pitting an owl against a camel in an arena of combat. The camel would win hands down. This is the animal smug awards. Has an owl ever made you feel like nothing? It's a horrible sensation. I still feel cold and small.

thumbwitch · 29/08/2008 17:40

ah but slub, the owl lacks the height to be able to disdain you properly. I saw a beautiful European eagle owl (my fave) up close on Monday at a country show and I was in awe, but didn't feel disdained.

the last camel I saw, on the other hand, definitely Sneered at me.Sneering = smugness in my book, therefore camel wins.

pagwatch · 29/08/2008 17:42

oh slubber. go and find a big stupid dog. They always make you feel superior. Thats why they are mans best friend . Do that thing where you pretend to throw the ball but don't.

Men also admire dogs because they can lick their own penis' without being admonished.

pagwatch · 29/08/2008 17:42

is it bad that i don't know the plural of penis.
Or is that a good thing.