AIBU to turn down a job over leave and flexible working?

[R4ndy]

AIBU to have turned down a job. I work in marketing and have worked in agencies for a number of years but am looking for a change. A great sounding role became available at a local university, requiring many of my skills and so I applied. I got an interview on Monday and was offered the role on Thursday. At this point I asked what their flexible working setup is as the role advertised 'flexible working arrangements'. I was told that hybrid wasn't an option and that there would be a requirement to be in the office 5 days a week.

I then brought up the subject of existing holiday and said it wasn't asked at interview but I do have two holidays booked, 1 in July for 1 week and 1 in October for 3 weeks. She expressed her concern about them being around peak periods but took my dates.

She asked me to hand my notice in today (friday) so i could start in 4 weeks as they need someone asap. I explained i wouldn't be handing my notice in until i have a formal offer in writing to consider so she said she would start the process.

I followed up with an email today just stating that I have thought about it and how it might work for us as a family and i need some commitment that there might be flexibility once i am fully onboarded. 1 day a week from home to start, moving to 2 days a week.

I also reiterated that my notice period is 4 weeks and i would let her know once my resignation had been given.

I received this email back -

Thank you for your time today. As discussed during the interview process, we are seeking to engage a candidate as soon as possible.

Further to our conversation, we are unable to accommodate your leave request for July as this falls at a critical time, when applications open for degree-based apprenticeships.

Regarding your request for 3 weeks' leave in September, I regret to advise that leave cannot be accommodated at this time, as it falls at the opposite time of the application process, where the completed applications for degree-based apprenticeships are returned.

Regarding your request for flexible working arrangements, it will not be possible to offer remote work arrangements or other flexible working arrangements within the first 12 months of employment.

Any future requests would need to be considered against operational requirements at that time. However, for transparency, working remotely for 2 days per week does not align with the current requirements of the position and is unlikely to be supported unless there are significant operational changes in the future.

Please can you confirm by 5 pm, 22 May 2026, if you wish to proceed with the application process, with the understanding that we are unable to support the requests you have made for leave and flexible working arrangements.

If we have not received confirmation of these terms by this time, you will be considered to have withdrawn your application for the position.

I am very shocked and saddened at the lack of understanding and want to know if my expectations are wrong. I would also like to know if I did something wrong?

She has taken time this week to get references, interview me etc.

What a waste.

I absolutely would walk away,

The chances of two holidays (outside of school holidays) being declined would be a massive red flag for me - how difficult is it going to be to take holiday when you’re actually there?

Coupled with the rush to get you to hand your notice in (and the lack of flexibility that you want), is red flag central and I don’t think it’ll be a good place to work.

Also their point around no flexibility for 12 months point is against the law and so is another massive red flag.

That’s super annoying, but I would also walk away from that. I might also complain that they advertise flexible working but don’t have any.

Unless you’re out of work and absolutely desperate I’d walk away from this immediately.

Red flags all over the place, not honouring existing holidays and lack of hybrid working are a no from me, plus expecting you to hand in your notice with a contract in hand is a ridiculous expectation.

I’d turn it down and explain why too, and it was misleading and a waste of everyone’s time to advertise ‘flexible working’.

I can see why a university wouldn't allow leave at their busiest time of year. I also think 4 weeks holiday is a big ask fairly soon after you start. I don't think they are being unreasonable.

Totally agree, however it’s obviously not the job for you as they don’t offer flexible working which is what you want.

so on this basis I would have turned it down. I wouldn’t think many universities would let any employees work from home no matter what department they work for.

Just to add the tone of their letter is not very nice. I wouldn't like to get such a letter from a prospective employer. I don't think you've done anything wrong though.

Walk away.
I have a relative who works in admissions for a university and they have periods of time where leave won’t be authorised for anything but exceptional circumstances (death of a spouse/child/parent I guess) but they work from home 3 days a week.
It’s just not a good fit for you and that’s fine, you can decline.

Remember the application is a 2 way process.

They have been straight with you. They cannot agree to your requests. Fair enough. That means it's not the job for you. You need to find an employer you actually want to work for and it seems this one is not it. Decine the offer. They will find someone else and you will find a job more suited to what you want.

Definitely turn it down, clearly not the right place for you. I recently turned down a job that would have been a big payrise because it lacked flexibility - flexibility is so important to me.

Flexibility is a red line for me. Without it, I can’t work. I would absolutely walk away from this job. If they really want you, they will give it to you.

They told you in the interview that it was an office based position, so you are being a bit unreasonable to expect them to change it now. not honouring holidays, isn’t a great move, but loads of employers don’t allow leave around peak times. I used to work for a retailer and leave for December was very rarely granted, even for non shop flow staff.

this won’t work for you, so unless you’re really desperate for the job turn it down. They will have all the other interviewees hanging on waiting to hear from them.

I would walk away.

Flexibility is one of my main requirement when looking for a job and I would not work for an employer that does not appreciate the importance of being able to take leave and having the flexibility to work with an hybrid or remote schedule.

I have worked in marketing/Comms for quite a few years and it is the type of job that does not require being in an office 5 days a week.

I have worked in education, I can understand where they are coming from, if you work in education you fit round their requirements for holidays, that's always been a thing - and flexible WFH is not the norm.

However they were wrong to advertise flexible if they couldn't offer it.

There seems to great a chasm between the parties to go any further - all you can do is walk away.

I can understand why they might not be able to facilitate 3 weeks leave in October, as if it's the time of year where they process new students it is usually completely manic. One pre-booked week in July is ridiculous, especially given that if they have to recruit or get someone with a longer notice period they are quite likely to have no one by then. No flex at all on WFH in the first 12 months (but presumably ever based on the tone of their email) would also put me off. Yeah, it would be a no from me on that one.

You asked at the interview and was told hybrid wasn’t an option for the role. But then proceeded to ignore that and want confirmation that you would WFH one day a week moving to two.
They decided they didn’t want you.

Flexible Working Requests are a day one right since 2024 in the UK.
I'd be very concerned working for an employer who was so out of date in their knowledge.

You can request, they don't have to grant it - we don't offer any flexible working, and we don't have to.

They have changed their mind about you. It may be because you have requested flexible arrangements when you know there aren’t any - though it’s unusual in a university as they tend to pride themselves on their flexible working arrangements. Turning down the leave request is probably unreasonable though a month off in the first 4 months is a lot. You may also have been offered the job because you were better on paper/at interview than a preferred internal candidate, and they had no choice but to offer you the job. You turning this down could pave the way for them to make their preferred appointment.

It does n’t sound like a good fit for you or them.

Of course you should turn down the role.

Appreciate their policy on allowing leave at certain times but if these are holidays you’ve already booked - and presumably couldn’t move without financial penalty - I also think it’s something they should suck up if you’re the right person for the job. It’s not clear how specialist or difficult it will be for them to fill the role, but losing a preferred candidate for some inconvenient holiday timings is a bit short sighted, unless they’ve got other candidates in the process they were equally happy to move forwards with.

The flexible working thing is annoying, although that’s their prerogative and they were clear at the second interview that they don’t allow it. That said, I would certainly raise that putting flexible working in the advert is misleading and unfair if they have no intention of supporting it.

Either way, it doesn’t sound like the role for you.

I also think it might be worth slowing down your job search for a bit as having a 3 week holiday booked shortly after starting any new role is not ideal and you might be better looking for something that starts after that. Although of course if the perfect role comes along you should apply anyway, and just be up front about it.

I agree with @elessar

They have not been straight at all. They advertised the job as having flexible working arrangements when it does not.

Interviews are 2 way.

They aren’t selling this to you and what they are offering doesn’t meet what you want.

id also be concerned about the fact that they are advertising themselves as a flexible employer when they clearly are not.

I’d wonder what else they are bullshitting about.

decline and think on this as a lucky escape

Definitely walk away. I wouldn’t think twice about it. You’re in work already so you’re not desperate, and this employer sounds totally inflexible and quite frankly, awful. The whole thing screams red flag to me, they sound under resourced and desperate themselves.