Questioning new job after horrible incident

[throwawayworkissue]

I am only a few weeks into a new role and already questioning whether I’ve made a mistake.

I raised a pretty basic contractual/HR query with the relevant person and got a completely disproportionate response,they were verbally aggressive, raised voice/shouting, threatening to worsen my conditions/change my contract (not in this persons power but they seem to like to think their power is bigger than it is). Their phsyical manner was such I thought this person was actually going to get physical. I held it together but was in floods of tears after. It is a very uncomfortable situation over something that should have been a normal conversation.

I’ve escalated it, not really by choice as the incident was overheard and I was asked what happened, and the bosses (small business) have acknowledged it and said they’ll come back to me, but have also made it clear this person is very long-standing, so I’m not expecting much to change. I was warned when I started by other staff that this person was difficult and to pay them no attention, but apparently the way they behaved with me was a notch higher than their usual ways, though a few people have told me this person left another woman in tears. I am about 30 years their junior and just in the door so as you can imagine this was really intimidating and I feel I'll never be able to settle there now.

Feels like I will be asked to just work around them, but I guess how the company reacts will tell me what I need to know. This person isn't due to be in the office for a couple of weeks.

I’m conscious I’m earlyish in my career (recent change), I want a supportive environment, but equally don’t want to jump ship too quickly and explain this on my cv. I've thrown the feelers out about some other roles but really don't know what to do.

Help, I'm really down about the whole thing.

That’s awful, and it sounds like the people in charge aren’t going to do anything about the person’s behaviour.

If this person is your manager it’d make sense to seek a new job asap. If you can avoid the person, you could do that if the job and people are otherwise OK and you want a certain amount of time in the role for your CV.

You’ve seen how they operate. Get out while you can.

Thanks. They are not my manager thank god, the business contracts out to her to do payroll/sort leave and some other kind of HR functions. Being afraid of the person who sorts your pay and authorises your holidays is a terrible spot to be. I just don't understand how they've been tolerated for so long (20 odd years I think).

I bet this person has become someone they greatly rely on and would find difficult to replace , hence why they are minimising and pushing what happened under the carpet . If it happens ago inform this person you are not going to be spoken to like this and remove yourself from the situation . If they lay one finger on you then call the Police .

I just left such similar set up when only tried to explain my timesheets. Three men sent me a threatening letter just because I explained that I clocked in and out but there was a missing wage.

I knew something like that would happen because literally they cannot hold to anyone for more than 8 months...and am glad I left. I did not have a contract also.

There were some positive about the job but total lack of common sense and control what is going on between the employees....life is too short for me to waste my most precious years of life on something like a part time job.

I am a humanist and love all people. I left without any hate or even worry in my heart

She’s not even an employee? If she’s been there 20 years and this organisation is her main client she’s probably an employee under tax/employment law even if she’s supposedly a ‘contractor’.

She probably knows lots of dirt about the senior managers or something!

If you have other good job options and a CV without lots of gaps you could look around.

Believe me I tried. They came into my office and closed the door, the conversation started normally, and as it progressed I asked them on more than one occassion to leave and told them they were making me uncomfortable. Absolutely mental behaviour I've never experienced anything like this person. Who is asked to leave a room and continues to berate and belittle and doesn't take a look at their behaviour.

This thought crossed my mind! I think they may have slept walked into a situation where she'd have a claim and is an employee despite not being so in name and she knows everything and they now have to tread carefully. I realise it'll be easier to get rid of the newbie but I can't let this stand can I.

I used to work with a person who behaved like this. When I raised it with the boss he just shrugged and said 'that's what she's like'.

It was a law firm and you would THINK they would have some appreciation of employment law ettc.

I lasted 4 miserable years. I don't recommend anyone stick it out.

If the workplace does not deal with it properly then I'd walk. You don't need it.

Law firm wasn't in NI was it. Asking for a friend... or is this common across law firms.

Is there any chance this person may be going to retire very soon? (from what you have said about their age). If the company do not take your problem with her seriously, don't torture yourself by staying there. I made that mistake once in a job with an ultra-difficult person as I was quite proud of not "giving up" too easily. I am still paying the price now. You can find a way to explain short duration on CV if necessary, 💗

I think the hope was that they would quietly retire but they just don't seem to want to. The current bosses inherited them when they took over the business.

Leave, remove it from your cv and just say you were travelling in this period

No, not NI. I've only worked in one law firm (i retrained) and it was the single most fucking awful experience of my entire working life. I truly could not believe how people behaved.

I'm sorry you are facing this.

I stuck it out and actually have since been diagnosed with PTSD and fibromyalgia - there is a strong theory that extreme prolonged stress can trigger fibro. i firmly place it at the door of that workplace.

Some companies just tolerate it. I worked for a large fashion company and one of the directors was such horrendous. Every couple of days she would make someone cry. I used to get upset on the train on the way in every morning. I quit with no job to go to!! Everyone who left before me told HR, but it was just “well that’s what she’s like”.
see how your company handle it. If they don’t, then start looking for something else. But stand your ground, don’t let anyone speak to you like that. I know it’s hard, but don’t give them your power.

What did you ask them? Not that it's particularly relevant but just curious as it may give further clues as to what the firm are not doing that they are supposed to be doing.

Sounds familiar. I have worked in places over the years where there is someone longstanding who is permitted to be vile to the other staff without an issue.

The only thing I could suggest is get job hunting. Of course you shouldn’t have to but ime the culture won’t change and it will be excused as just ‘janet being Janet’ or whatever

We’ve all had one.

She’ll do it again, worse, and it will cost the firm money. Tell them this, and say it’s costing them good staff at the moment cos you feel like leaving.

Be strong, tough and make sure the conversation is written down.

Oh god tell me about it. We had someone like this in one of the unis I worked in. She dealt witht he departmental finances. Whenever I was going to a conference the air tickets, currency and so on was sent to her and I then had to go and sign for it. That was not to bad but when I returned I had to have fully totted up itemised receipts for everything and to make accounting for any unspent currency etc. Down to the last half penny. She wasnt abusive but just miserably and snappy.

If you are worried about the effect on your CV I would just remove it when you seek to move to another role. You were looking after an elderly parent or suchlike. I know its a female stereotype but rarely questioned. A friend of mine (female) used it successfully to cover 6 months in prison. Comparatively few women have to go to that extent.

In fact I’m getting flashbacks to the last example I remember - the younger the member of staff, the more vile she was

They had calculated my holiday entitlement incorrectly as someone joining part way through the year. I sent an email saying 'Hi x would you mind double checking that when you get a chance as I think it should be (days) as i started on (date) '. They responded to my email to say 'you only accrue leave for full months worked you have no accrual from the month you started mid way through' and I politely responded saying 'hi x I double checked that, it accrues from day 1 so this is what I accrued in my first partial month'. They ignored the email and then next time they were in the office the above incident happened.

Now keep in mind they had incorrectly calculated for the full months worked argument as well so I think it's just the response of a lunatic who doesn't know what they're doing.

I wrote it all down the second she left, (was not putting it on company system) and took a pic of the page for good measure. Then I was able to refer to that when I put it all in writing for the boss the next morning.

Yes ours cost the firm serious money. Most people (like me) stayed long enough to qualify then scarpered. I was unusual that I stayed 4 years. I wasn't going to let the bitch 'win' but actually she did win in the end and the toll on me was appalling.