How do I stay civil with a colleague after she caused extra work on purpose?

[Travel11]

About 2 weeks ago a colleague I sometimes sit by kept asking me questions about a task the manager does. I told her I don’t know as I am not involved. For some reason she kept pushing the issue as though I needed to be involved. I changed the subject. Next thing I know she sends an email to me and the manager about this task as it’s a reoccurring one, my manager has now delegated the task to me. I am furious she has dragged me into this. I had already been give more work and now I have this to do.

Today I sat elsewhere at work and avoided her. The manager has said recently he doesn’t want me sitting with her and that it’s best to sit with everyone else in the office. I know it’s best to mix with others. The rest of the team don’t like her as she is obstructive and argumentative. I don’t want to sit with her again as she has betrayed me and crossed boundaries. How to I keep it civil but not let her back in like I was friendly before? She is a liability.

Thanks.

This sounds like somewhere I used to work!! Someone did similar to me...but I did the task, and also used it to show what the colleague wasn't doing, and how they were also making certain tasks take longer/more steps than they needed to be as as not to take on anything else - but also to make out like only THEY could to them.

They gave me the pot and the spoon and I stirred it!

But how to handle them...Just don't talk to them unless absolutely necessary for part of the job. Don't say or do anything else regarding them. Literally ignore they exist.

My manager did say if there are other things getting in the way of this new task they can be moved to the rest of the team. So she would end up with something else anyway.

I just don’t understand why she put me forward as anyone could have done the task. She always tries to involve me and tell me about things that are not to do with my role. I am lower day than her and we are not in the same salary so higher responsibility task should be remaining with higher paid people. At least if I sit elsewhere she can’t try to keep having conversations about me doing other people’s work.

I think she enjoys people struggling as she always argues with other team members who can’t stand her.

My manager doesn’t want me to sit with her. She even rows with the manager and we have heard her.

It sounds like your manager is quite weak. As others have said, you need to speak to them about your overall workload and discuss reallocating this new task or another of your tasks. You could suggest this colleague for one of the tasks as she's big on redistributing work.

OP, kindly, is this your first job? You sound very black and white in responsibility. Work places often aren’t like this in reality.

If the offending colleague genuinely thought there was a better way to do something, perhaps that’s because, this is in fact a better way in the long run. If people don’t speak up regarding improvements, nothing improves.

Furthermore you’ve said your manager has said you can offload other work elsewhere to do this task. Clearly this indicates the new task probably is of higher value to the team/Org. Therefore they’re addressing your workload. If they feel this task should sit with you it’s clearly because they think you’re competent.

I am failing to see what the issue is, unless the task in itself is disgusting? Just get on and do it. Use it as evidence of working above your pay grade at review.

Why does your manager not want you to sit with her? I'm not clear on the rationale behind this, it seems odd unless there's a grievance in place.

If your manager is giving you permission to delegate then surely you can just delegate to reduce your work load?

Is it possible she doesn't fully understand the purpose of your role and the extent of your responsibilities?

I'm not sure this is really her fault. Unless her email was "My colleague really wants to take this over" then i am not sure how she has given you more work on purpose.

I suspect she was trying to show interest and curiosity, so emailed the question. Your boss has taken advantage if they know/knew you were up to capacity. I'm not sure why you didn't reply saying "I'm really sorry if "annoying colleague" has given the impression I was interested in taking this on, I'm sadly quite busy at the moment and not sure I'll be able to do the best job fitting it in, maybe she could pick it up as she is interested in the activity. Perhaps we can chat at our next 121 about the best approach".

My answer would be, 'and what would you like me to drop in order to do that?'

I personally would want to gob her for that one but here is a politer way.

That's a frustrating situation — you told her clearly you weren't involved, and she went around you anyway in a way that landed you with extra work. It makes sense you're angry.
A few thoughts on handling it going forward:
You can be civil without being warm. Civil just means professional: basic greetings, clear and polite communication about work matters, no visible hostility. It doesn't require chatting, sitting together, or acting like nothing happened. Plenty of colleagues manage a purely functional relationship — "morning," task-related emails, nothing more. That's a legitimate landing spot, not something you need to apologise for.
Keep everything in writing from now on. Since she's already shown she'll escalate things to your manager on her own terms, protect yourself by having a paper trail. If she asks you something task-related again, a short "I'll check with [manager] and get back to you" or a quick reply-all so context is visible costs you nothing and prevents another surprise email.
You don't have to explain the coolness. You're allowed to just be quieter and more distant with her without narrating why. If she asks why you're sitting elsewhere, "just mixing around the office" is true and enough — you don't owe her the real reason, and you don't need her agreement to keep your distance.
Redirect the "boundary-crossing" pattern early. If she pushes you again on something outside your role, naming it plainly in the moment helps: "That's not something I'm involved in, so I can't help with it" — and then genuinely disengaging (not just changing the subject, which she seemed to read as an opening rather than a closed door).

Separate the task from the relationship. You now have this recurring task whether you like it or not. It might be worth a short, unemotional word with your manager — not a complaint about her, just: "Since this task has been delegated to me, can you confirm with her that requests should come to me directly / through you?" That closes the loophole she used and takes the personal dynamic out of the workflow.
The core shift: civil isn't the same as friendly, and you're allowed to downgrade someone from "friendly colleague" to "professional acquaintance" after they've shown you they'll act against your interests. You don't need her buy-in for that, just consistency on your side.

This happened to me the other day OP, but it wasn’t questions, the staff member decided to go on leave early as they are having such a hard time with things (and I’m somehow not apparently), and I was given their workload. They knew this and even had the nerve to put my name on various tasks and then signed off work. I did the bare minimum. When I see that person next time (expecting the to be fully rested after their extra time), I plan to say something directly to them.

I would have respected them a little more if they had a quick five minute word with me.