Toxic manager pushing me out ?

[anon990]

I’ve worked as a care worker in the community since may 2025. I’m good at my role and there is no issues about my performance with the clients or IT skills as I’ve never asked for help or needed it with projects etc. my boss is a micromanager of the highest order and is really getting on my nerves. My probation is up on Wednesday and I’m having a probation meeting. So it all started when my manager went to an eyebrow appointment, I was in the office alone an hour before end of day and my system went down, no answer from IT. I texted her to say could I head off now and she sent me every IT number possible telling me to stay or if I left id have to make the time up. This pissed me off so I was a bit annoyed in my tone. Ever since she’s hated me. Things that were never problems all of a sudden are. I have a 40 min commute in the morning to drop my DS off then I turn back and drive 15 min to work location. I had a support in the city last Friday so instead of turning back to the office I drove straight to the support as I have done many times to save my already very long commute and make it shorter. She sent a big email saying it’s not acceptable etc and saying if I’m going to have 30mins etc in the car waiting for the suppprt to start I need to use annual leave, she works from home all the time, no one else can. She has no kids so I truly feel she doesn’t understand how stressful my mornings already are without adding in extra driving it’s already 7pm when we get home. I finish at 5.30pm. All of a sudden im not allowed 10 mins extra overtime when it was allowed before. All of a sudden if I come in 10 mins early I need a reason as to why and need to send an email explaining why. I have a support today 40mins from the office at 10am . I drop my son off and pass the office as usual at 9am but instead of stopping in im continuing on to the support arriving at 9.40/9.45. I let her know the plan yesterday and she emailed me saying ‘how long exactly will it take you to get there from the office, I need to have a talk with the main manager to see how this all looks going forward’ I go above and beyond for the people I support and this is what I’m getting off her. I’m so stressed and anxious and feel like I cant win. I cried in her presence Friday and told her her emails telling me to use my annual leave for time used to drive to work location and other emails over petty stuff is causing m stress and she’s still at it. I’m waiting on my union to ring me back. When I replied to said email saying it takes 40mins which she could’ve just googled she said ‘I have invited the main manager to your probabtion meeting on Wednesday’ . She constantly calls to ‘check in’ at like 9.05 am and 5.25pm . It’s stupid no trust at all. I’ve never given her a reason not to trust I’m not doing my job. She also herself goes to supports in the morning from her house without going to any office. How can I move forward and what should I do next? Thanks

Honestly?
Look for another job, It will alwyas be a pain the arse with a manager like this

I don’t get why she all of a sudden turned. And I really love the job itself. I’m a single mother and I manage to work full time, I’m never late and if I am it’s 10 minutes at most and I’ve to change my whole time sheet over it.

I would say
,She was annoyed when you were snippy with her over the nail/ IT situation
it may be that she has to allocate your work hours and being early/late is causing a problem.
Also, I am never late,( but only by 10 minutes,) lateness can be a real headache to deal with business wise, and on probation, could cause problems for you going forward

She can be annoyed all she wants though the answer to me questioning something shouldn’t be to leave me feeling physically sick about going to work . She could let 10 minutes slide if she was sound.

The thing is I have to go to these supports for my job it’s not practical for me to stop into the office beforehand when there is no time to get anything done in that 20mins and it’s a pain for me to turn around again rather than continue in I have a serious commute morning and evening

care workers are very much in demand I would be looking for a new job

Does anyone think she’s going too far and out to get me ? Or does anyone think I’m in the wrong

I think you’re in the wrong I’m afraid. You’ve been snippy on emails twice detailed here, and ‘never late’ but ‘she could let 10 minutes slide if she was sound’.
clients pay for their time with you… ten minutes counts.

I don’t know if I’m understanding the situation properly to be able to say either way.

It sounds like you resent your commute but kindly that isn’t your employer’s problem- you applied for the job presumably knowing where the office was and knowing what that commute would look like. If the agreement of your employment is that you attend the office at 9am then that is what you have to do, if that is a hassle due to your commute then the job doesn’t work for you.

If you are paid from 9am and not attending the office and then sitting in the car for half an hour that would either be unpaid time or annual leave, that is reasonable from her. If you go to the office then go to the support that time is travel time which should be paid, so that choice is yours.

'I was in the office alone an hour before end of day and my system went down, no answer from IT. I texted her to say could I head off now. She said no. This pissed me off so I was a bit annoyed in my tone.'

You should not have done this. Systems being down doesn't automatically mean that everyone goes home (unless you're instructed to by your manager).

I don't really understand the rest of it but it sounds as though you aren't always dropping in to the office on your way to see clients? And then you're arriving at their house early so are sitting outside in the car?

If I have understood this correctly, then I think she has got reason to need to speak to you about how you are managing your time at work.

It is difficult juggling things when you have children and a school run etc. to do.

Honestly, I hope the meeting goes well for you.

What you’re not understanding is that she number one doesn’t do any of this herself and number 2 if I was to turn around and go the office I’d be there for all of 10 mins sometimes before needing to leave again? It’s impractical and only recently did she start bringing all this up it wasn’t an issue until now .

No sorry I’ve never had a support at 9am so 10 mins late isn’t affecting any work

Whoever is right or wrong, if she’s getting you down, just look to leave. I had a micromanager from hell for two years, leaving her behind was a massive relief.

This! People with these power issues never improve.

Does work pay for your petrol? If they do, then you just have to do what she is asking you to do. She is your manager. The fact that she doesn't do these things herself is not relevant. She probably did at one time during her career.

Or, alternatively, communicate with her calmly about why this is impractical and that you would prefer to go directly to the clients house.

I think you’re being cheeky and not seeing yourself from an employer’s perspective.
you’re being paid for your time but you’re deciding it’s not worth coming in to the office at this time because it’s inconvenient. That’s essentially your stance as I read it.

also as soon as your boss was out of the office you also decided to take an hour off.

you’ve got a work ethic that doesn’t match your boss’s expectations. So you could probably leave and find a more suitable position elsewhere. You may be wonderful with your clients but you have another part to your role and you don’t seem to see that as important.

it’s a mismatch of styles and you’re not fitting

It’s irrelevant really what she does, HER manager may not have an issue with it for her role. For your role it is 9am in the office, it doesn’t matter whether you think that’s practical or not, that’s part of the job.

Is there anything you usefully do in your car while you wait for the support to start? Review notes, write notes, draft a care plan? Because that seems a more rational use of time than driving to and from the office for the sake of a 10mins stop. If you’re just scrolling on your phone however, she has a point

I also can’t see how it’s ‘cheeky’ to question a manager on what they say. you should be allowed to ask for clarification on things without them making your life difficult because you did so. You should be able to have an opinion without her nit picking at you. Honestly I’m think if I’m doing my job well and she’s looking at things to pick at she needs to get a life . I do everything’s that’s asked of me and the rules seemingly changed overnight on what’s allowed and what isn’t

It is totally irrelevant what she does. You are not her manager. Either follow the rules and stop being snippy and late, or find another job.

Anyone who’s commenting ‘deal with it’ you are really letting people in life demand that you do stupid stuff just for their control of your life? Workplaces are supposed to be equal the other care workers don’t get this said to them

Yea the role starts at 9 but if I go to the office at 9 with a support at 10 she is risking me to be late to the person supported if there’s traffic etc. it’s unreasonable and I am being bullied by doing this . I support people with autism it’s important to be on time for their routine which she knows

You’re being bullied by being asked to do your job- turn up at the time you are expected to turn up? Really?

In fairness you've not finished probation yet and you've pissed your manager off. Not a great start and given the attitudes between you it's unlikely to improve.
You're late by 10mins and expect her to "let it slide"?
I spent 40yrs in management and am very easy going, but your casual attitude to lost time you're expecting to get paid for would piss me off too, let alone your snarky emails.

just get off the post if you’re not going to be helpful I’ve said I’m physically sick over it go back to licking your managers arseholes