Toxic manager pushing me out ?

[anon990]

I’ve worked as a care worker in the community since may 2025. I’m good at my role and there is no issues about my performance with the clients or IT skills as I’ve never asked for help or needed it with projects etc. my boss is a micromanager of the highest order and is really getting on my nerves. My probation is up on Wednesday and I’m having a probation meeting. So it all started when my manager went to an eyebrow appointment, I was in the office alone an hour before end of day and my system went down, no answer from IT. I texted her to say could I head off now and she sent me every IT number possible telling me to stay or if I left id have to make the time up. This pissed me off so I was a bit annoyed in my tone. Ever since she’s hated me. Things that were never problems all of a sudden are. I have a 40 min commute in the morning to drop my DS off then I turn back and drive 15 min to work location. I had a support in the city last Friday so instead of turning back to the office I drove straight to the support as I have done many times to save my already very long commute and make it shorter. She sent a big email saying it’s not acceptable etc and saying if I’m going to have 30mins etc in the car waiting for the suppprt to start I need to use annual leave, she works from home all the time, no one else can. She has no kids so I truly feel she doesn’t understand how stressful my mornings already are without adding in extra driving it’s already 7pm when we get home. I finish at 5.30pm. All of a sudden im not allowed 10 mins extra overtime when it was allowed before. All of a sudden if I come in 10 mins early I need a reason as to why and need to send an email explaining why. I have a support today 40mins from the office at 10am . I drop my son off and pass the office as usual at 9am but instead of stopping in im continuing on to the support arriving at 9.40/9.45. I let her know the plan yesterday and she emailed me saying ‘how long exactly will it take you to get there from the office, I need to have a talk with the main manager to see how this all looks going forward’ I go above and beyond for the people I support and this is what I’m getting off her. I’m so stressed and anxious and feel like I cant win. I cried in her presence Friday and told her her emails telling me to use my annual leave for time used to drive to work location and other emails over petty stuff is causing m stress and she’s still at it. I’m waiting on my union to ring me back. When I replied to said email saying it takes 40mins which she could’ve just googled she said ‘I have invited the main manager to your probabtion meeting on Wednesday’ . She constantly calls to ‘check in’ at like 9.05 am and 5.25pm . It’s stupid no trust at all. I’ve never given her a reason not to trust I’m not doing my job. She also herself goes to supports in the morning from her house without going to any office. How can I move forward and what should I do next? Thanks

You are in your probation, they can let you go for whatever reason they make up, they just won’t say it is due to sick

I’m 5 foot weigh 8 stone and I’m shy and keep to myself I can assure you I an the opposite of aggressive

I see. Is the WRC any use if that was the case ?

Maybe read the comments…. Looks like it’s not the manager who is the problem…

that leaves you!

It’s quite obvious from your posts OP who the problem is in your situation, spoiler alert, it’s not your manager. If you only want to hear from people
who agree with you then perhaps next time write in your diary!

Yawn

Well you've shown your true colours havent you. If that's how you talk to people, you have a real problem.

And remember you started this thread to ask people's opinions and now you're going off on one for .... people giving you their opnion.

You do realise your replies on here just cement the case that you are the actual problem here?

Yeah I obvs don’t talk like this to people in real life 🤣

So why talk to people in here like it? Just a keyboard warrior eh

I see that I’m rage baiting at this rate tbh

Except you do though, don't you? From your first post:

This pissed me off so I was a bit annoyed in my tone.

Yup that’s right, someone else’s fault 👍

In all seriousness OP, the problem seems to be a very wrong sense that you should be able to do what suits you and having an attitude when you don't.

It really isn't normal for employers to give their employees the level of flexibility you are expecting. You might have been lucky before but that's the exception rather than the norm.

It's not normal to expect to leave an office early, especially when you are there alone (and expected to answer the phone?) just because your computer is acting up. It's not normal to regularly do commute time in your working hours.

You say you are 26. I'm 56. That level of flexibility only comes in some cases when it goes both ways for staff who regularly do extra valuable work in unpaid time. That and very rarely under a year in the job.

She is not micromanaging. She is holding you to the terms of your employment. If you went to the office, what work would you be doing? Is it possible to do that work from your latop if it has a SIM or is hotspotted/tethered to your phone?

If you can't work while sitting there for 15mins, in my mind it's an unpaid break. Once of, sure. Regularly no.

Re the computer thing - would it have been resolved by the next morning with no input from you or would it still require fixing? If it's the second then your work wasn't finished for the day.

Social workers are in high demand. Just leave, it's really not worth the aggro.

Realise you're in Ireland but qualified SW in the UK can take their pick of jobs.

Re your first point, you have different jobs , so yes, her time is organised differently to yours.

Re your second point , yes, from what you have said it sounds counterproductive, but to be honest, while you are still in your probationary period - which wasvery long, was there a reason for the length - it isn’t a good idea to start changing hours and working practices. Wait until you are officially part of the workforce before you start suggesting improvements.

I've had experience of a micromanager. Couldn't do anything without her checking and picking at the tiniest thing from day 1. Speaking to me as if I was completely incompetent. It was the most horrible stressful time of my working life, destroyed all my confidence which took years to build back up.

It's actually insulting that you are trying to suggest that your manager just managing you is in any way comparative to my experience. You are literally just being told to work your contracted hours and do your job.