Toxic manager pushing me out ?

[anon990]

I’ve worked as a care worker in the community since may 2025. I’m good at my role and there is no issues about my performance with the clients or IT skills as I’ve never asked for help or needed it with projects etc. my boss is a micromanager of the highest order and is really getting on my nerves. My probation is up on Wednesday and I’m having a probation meeting. So it all started when my manager went to an eyebrow appointment, I was in the office alone an hour before end of day and my system went down, no answer from IT. I texted her to say could I head off now and she sent me every IT number possible telling me to stay or if I left id have to make the time up. This pissed me off so I was a bit annoyed in my tone. Ever since she’s hated me. Things that were never problems all of a sudden are. I have a 40 min commute in the morning to drop my DS off then I turn back and drive 15 min to work location. I had a support in the city last Friday so instead of turning back to the office I drove straight to the support as I have done many times to save my already very long commute and make it shorter. She sent a big email saying it’s not acceptable etc and saying if I’m going to have 30mins etc in the car waiting for the suppprt to start I need to use annual leave, she works from home all the time, no one else can. She has no kids so I truly feel she doesn’t understand how stressful my mornings already are without adding in extra driving it’s already 7pm when we get home. I finish at 5.30pm. All of a sudden im not allowed 10 mins extra overtime when it was allowed before. All of a sudden if I come in 10 mins early I need a reason as to why and need to send an email explaining why. I have a support today 40mins from the office at 10am . I drop my son off and pass the office as usual at 9am but instead of stopping in im continuing on to the support arriving at 9.40/9.45. I let her know the plan yesterday and she emailed me saying ‘how long exactly will it take you to get there from the office, I need to have a talk with the main manager to see how this all looks going forward’ I go above and beyond for the people I support and this is what I’m getting off her. I’m so stressed and anxious and feel like I cant win. I cried in her presence Friday and told her her emails telling me to use my annual leave for time used to drive to work location and other emails over petty stuff is causing m stress and she’s still at it. I’m waiting on my union to ring me back. When I replied to said email saying it takes 40mins which she could’ve just googled she said ‘I have invited the main manager to your probabtion meeting on Wednesday’ . She constantly calls to ‘check in’ at like 9.05 am and 5.25pm . It’s stupid no trust at all. I’ve never given her a reason not to trust I’m not doing my job. She also herself goes to supports in the morning from her house without going to any office. How can I move forward and what should I do next? Thanks

I went off sick for the evening today my stomach doesn’t function properly under any stress I had this with grief a few years ago. Unsure if I’ll go to the probabtion meeting tomorrow or take off on stress leave as I feel anxious and sick over what she’s going to go at me next for

Do you have a laptop or tablet you can use to check emails and write notes up between appointments? It is a really bad use of time to spend half the day driving. Also the scheduling of appointments - can you suggest they start at 9.45 and are blocked better so that you can do those and then spend a good chunk of time in the office? 30mins here and there is no use to you!

For anyone being rude to me I will be rude back. Life is too short 🤣 I have worked in many areas and got on great everywhere, I’ve never been sacked or had issues with bosses. I’ve been in this organisation 4 years and would’ve stayed where I was other than I became a single parent overnight and couldn’t do the long hours anymore so I had to move.

see I can’t change supports as they are MH appointments, doctors apps , work experience for the people etc that is set by the doctor, psychology , place of work the person is going to etc and my role is to support and advocate for the person while there. This would make sense but it’s not done by us unfortunately

But yes I do have a laptop and phone for work. She doesn’t allow ‘working on your phone’ to be counted as work

If I pass probabtion I will be applying for the blended working policy which is in the company and sending it to HR but she has already told me I’m not allowed, makes no sense the role can be totally done from home and I was previously allowed work from home where a support was close to my home . I’m applying anyways as it’s my right and I really hope they approve for one day during the week. She does it and before anyone says she’s a a manger etc she’s a TL and has 6 people to support just like I and the other two have 6 people each

Social worker or support worker?

I’m a social worker. I’m in Ireland though where I believe most of the commenters are uk

Eugh there are still these managers about who feel that their empire is diminished because their team isn't always in the office. Can you agree to whatever in the probation meeting and then apply for roles in other teams ?

Yes I can. But I really love this specific job 😞 just not the way she manages

I'm not sure it was a 'change of rules'. Seems from what you say the rules are you are expected to start at 9 and you've been given some grace with that previously for whatever reason. But that doesn't mean you're entitled to it.
The issue here is that you have just assumed you're entitled to this leeway but the manager is rightly (the reason is largely irrelevant) entitled to remove that leeway or privilege at any point. She may not be going about it in the best way but it sounds like neither are you.
Tbh agree with pp that you must have taken the job fully aware of the commute requirements and the contracted hours, so you really haven't got any leg to stand on here, especially as you're on probation.

I think through your explanations that it has become a habit of yours to clock in working hours which are actually commuting hours. She might have agreed on an exceptional basis before but you then made it a habit of it and that pisses her off. I've worked with people doing just that. You give a bit of flexibility and they take it as a given to apply any time it suits them. You haven't even been there 6 months yet!

I texted her to say could I head off now and she sent me every IT number possible telling me to stay or if I left id have to make the time up
This sounds like you were asking to leave early than you were supposed to because IT was down....I've had that one to from certain staff members...those who lack initiative in trying to find something to do but instead hold on to any opportunity to leave work early.

I’ve been there 8 months? Commuting to the location of the work ? I would never expect to be compensated for hours commuting outside of my 9-5 or for childcare, obviously that is my own buisness. Today I had a support at 10, I passed by the office at 9.00am and got there at 9.45 in which the person I support was there waiting . Of course I include this in my working time as it WAS FOR WORK. She wants me to stop into the office for what? To make myself potentially late to client? Ridiculous you could agree with this and not see it as petty bullying behaviour with no purpose

This will be a sure fire way to make sure you don’t pass probation OP.

Get a life honestly it never goes down it was one day in the middle if October in the freezing cold while she was clocking working time at her eyebrow appointment. I had to sit there for one hour with nothing to do as all cleaning had been done by me etc. in other work places they would have said oh sure the work is done off u go nothing more u can do

Would you not rather leave to see your child early one day where there is nothing left to do ? Are you married to your job? You realise if you died tomorrow they would replace you immediately? Some of you really need to understand that lol

How can they fire me for being sick or on stress leave? That’s not legal in Ireland

in other work places they would have said oh sure the work is done off u go nothing more u can do
No they definitely wouldn't! You're a social worker or care worker, not clear which and you found yourself with nothing to do because It was down... really? Sorry OP, but that sounds so not real!

So now you are showing yourself to be aggressive, rude and thinking it's OK to leave work early...

Oh sorry I’ll make this clear for you. I’m speaking from experience where I’ve been told to leave as everything had been done :)

Are you all married to your jobs 😭 Jesus

I’m a social worker thanks for asking I put care worker down as a generic word for my title not that it really matters

This is a tough crowd. Is there anyone in here that actually has similar issues maybe that can shed light on how they dealt with petty micromanagers? That would an awful lot more useful than people just giving me shit

Aggressive 😂😂😂😂