Toxic manager pushing me out ?

[anon990]

I’ve worked as a care worker in the community since may 2025. I’m good at my role and there is no issues about my performance with the clients or IT skills as I’ve never asked for help or needed it with projects etc. my boss is a micromanager of the highest order and is really getting on my nerves. My probation is up on Wednesday and I’m having a probation meeting. So it all started when my manager went to an eyebrow appointment, I was in the office alone an hour before end of day and my system went down, no answer from IT. I texted her to say could I head off now and she sent me every IT number possible telling me to stay or if I left id have to make the time up. This pissed me off so I was a bit annoyed in my tone. Ever since she’s hated me. Things that were never problems all of a sudden are. I have a 40 min commute in the morning to drop my DS off then I turn back and drive 15 min to work location. I had a support in the city last Friday so instead of turning back to the office I drove straight to the support as I have done many times to save my already very long commute and make it shorter. She sent a big email saying it’s not acceptable etc and saying if I’m going to have 30mins etc in the car waiting for the suppprt to start I need to use annual leave, she works from home all the time, no one else can. She has no kids so I truly feel she doesn’t understand how stressful my mornings already are without adding in extra driving it’s already 7pm when we get home. I finish at 5.30pm. All of a sudden im not allowed 10 mins extra overtime when it was allowed before. All of a sudden if I come in 10 mins early I need a reason as to why and need to send an email explaining why. I have a support today 40mins from the office at 10am . I drop my son off and pass the office as usual at 9am but instead of stopping in im continuing on to the support arriving at 9.40/9.45. I let her know the plan yesterday and she emailed me saying ‘how long exactly will it take you to get there from the office, I need to have a talk with the main manager to see how this all looks going forward’ I go above and beyond for the people I support and this is what I’m getting off her. I’m so stressed and anxious and feel like I cant win. I cried in her presence Friday and told her her emails telling me to use my annual leave for time used to drive to work location and other emails over petty stuff is causing m stress and she’s still at it. I’m waiting on my union to ring me back. When I replied to said email saying it takes 40mins which she could’ve just googled she said ‘I have invited the main manager to your probabtion meeting on Wednesday’ . She constantly calls to ‘check in’ at like 9.05 am and 5.25pm . It’s stupid no trust at all. I’ve never given her a reason not to trust I’m not doing my job. She also herself goes to supports in the morning from her house without going to any office. How can I move forward and what should I do next? Thanks

She sounds like a bitch and will always be one .. l can't understand as care workers are in such demand . I'd start looking for another care job .

Op your meeting will go well if you work out exactly what you want / need and ask for it calmly and professionally. You might also have to listen to her concerns. Try to take a deep breath and not react. She needs you and you like your job. Try and find a happy medium. She prob has no idea your work life balance matters so perhaps ask for the work pattern that properly works

I’m a social worker if there was any confusion there . Yes they pay for my diesel

And someone asked is this my first adult job. LOL . No I’m 26 and been working since I was 19. I’ve worked for this company for 4 years in different areas of it

I’ve never come into such issues before and this is my second time in a community role I’m well aware of how it works. I suppose none of you can really understand since you aren’t seeing it but all these things became Ann issue overnight. She has actually previously told me when I had training start at 10 to go straight there and I am paid for that time. Now she’s changing things. Same with overtime I built some time n lieu up previously to take for apps etc now I’m not allowed and she says it was always the rule. My timesheets say otherwise. I just don’t need the petty shit like it’s stressing me as life is just way to short for this Bollox tbh

When you go into your probation meeting, go with tables that you have made showing how going straight to a support from dropping your child at school makes it more time-efficient. etc etc

But if they say "you have to come to the office first" do that.

If you get in 10 minutes early? just go and hide in the loo or something, and start at your start time.

And look for a new job.

good luck!

that is irrelevant though. You are on probation. That is the time to work to the manual.

Have they changed things for everybody or just you? It's annoying, but it's what some teams do. I've done admin for social work teams previously and managers can seem to change things 'just because' (the training thing would be because it was training not work for example) I used to be able to flex my hours, then very randomly one day I wasn't allowed. Everyone else on my team was allowed to do a 9 day fortnight, I wasn't, so these things do happen. To be honest I'd look for another job or approach another team. Staff turnover in care and social work is high.

Seeing your attitude on here towards others you will ace it at the meeting if that’s how you carry on…

you don’t like authority or being told what you should be doing.

was siding with you at one point then saw your replies that didn’t agree with you.

find another job while you actually have one, just show respect for the job role and what you are told to do.

all the best 😊

The toxic person in this thread is you swearing and "shouting" at people.

Some of us are single parents who manage to hold down a job without getting all narky and entitled about it. The rules of the "being an adult" game are that to get through your probation you do the things that are required of you, whether you think you know better or not (absent putting someone at risk) and then when (if) you pass your probation, you can start to address refining processes.

You come across like an entitled teenager, i wonder if that pisses your boss off as much as it pisses off people who have come here to help you?

(if you think "support" is just agreeing with you that your manager is an arse, you have come to the wrong place. try Netmums)

Putting someone at risk? What? Do you really think I talk or say any of them things to my boss ? 😂

No I absolutely don’t mind authority .. when it makes sense. I had previously been going straight to supports from my childcare for 10am arriving at 10am due to traffic on way to the location and everything was fine with this. Then I did it last week and let her know at 8am I would be doing so and got a nasty email telling me I must use annual leave for the 20mins gap I will be waiting for the support to start. If I had turned back driven 15 minutes to my office to stay there for 20 minutes and leave again I could be caught in traffic and miss the support (which would upset the person and I was told in the beginning of my job we must always be on time for them for their routines) so it logically made no sense , was not practical whatsoever and was a complete change of rules overnight to which I wasn’t aware of . The email was long and detailed and ultimately confused and blindsided me and left me crying in her presence due to feeling stressed by this and not knowing where it came from.

Let me break this down. My boss knows the driving I had to do last week. 40mins to childcare, return to office 15mins , leave office and go to support 35/40 mins, return to office 35/40 mins , go to another support 30mins , return to office 30 mins , pick up my son 15 mins , drive home 40 mins. It was absurd . I do my best as is

See, tbh i think they ought to sack you- it may think about how you interact with people.

When i wrote that it wasn't clear what your role is, and i'm not a social worker so i don''t have much of an idea.

But. Just suck it up, get through your promotion and then you can see about changing things round.

Or continue to be cheeky to your manager and get your P45. Up to you.

People are trying to help you in good faith. I for one am starting to regret it.

(can't help it, i'm addicted)

Do. What. Your. Boss. Tells. You.

Ok let's take the heat out of everything. You say that previously she told you to go straight to your house call and not come into the office. You have understood this to be a standard arrangement, and she clearly has not. That's no one's fault - so this conversation should be a clear up of misunderstandings.

I wonder if you might be ND. Doing things logically, not able to imagine the other person's pov, not understanding unwritten rules, boundaries of who decided what at work, possible rejection sensitivity, big feelings. Out of interest, do you find that you get good feedback from clients? Possibly saying that you listen to them more than any case worker has before?

No I don't think your manager is unreasonable.
I think managing you must be incredibly challenging, based on some of your responses here.

From your explanation, I'd say your manager is 'cascading' from their manager. Your manager was ok with these things. Her manager has noticed and bollocked her for allowing it, she's passed that bollocking onto you. Is she a senior social worker by any chance? Which area of social work did you move from. Group managers are the worst for this as they tend to pass stress on rather than sorting it out. Unfortunately knowing what driving you have to do doesn't mean they want to find a solution

The time you take driving to and from childcare is not their issue. What you do within working hours is their issue.

So take the whole "It takes me this long to drop my DS off and drive to the office" out of it. It's not relevant.

No I don’t think I’m neurodivergent. And yes I get on great with the people I support there isn’t an issue with my role itself or how I do it . My work has been praised many times since I’ve started working there

She's a bully raise a grievance

How it it the bosses problem you have to ferry your children about???

many of us manage it, your not that special that you can’t follow the rules of your job.

really glad you don’t work for me, you wouldn’t last long with that high and mighty attitude.

hope the school run is ok for you tomorrow 👍

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

I have worked with social workers and they haven't been expected to return to the office between appointments that are that close together. It would cost a fortune in mileage if nothing else. What do other people in your team do?

Yes thank you!! I wasn’t expected until literally last week! There’s only 3 of us , one works 2 days a week and the other i haven’t seen since last week so not sure what’s being said to her but it seems I am really getting it anyways