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Original poster

My colleague came to me in tears and asked to borrow 3k

462 replies

Motheroffive999 · 18/10/2025 01:36

She will lose her home and has 3 weeks to find it.
I didn't know what to say , I don't have that amount of money , I have some savings but not that much , and I may need it.
Today she asked for 1k which of course I still do not have at my disposal, but could get it in a few days.
I am torn , I don't want to be unkind but she has bought things recently , lots of small things , things that I do not have the spare money to buy.
What can I do ?

OP posts:
AdoraBell · 18/10/2025 09:55

I agree with not lending her money. You (anyone) should only lend what you can afford to lose.

She could apply to her bank for a loan, or family.

Gremlins101 · 18/10/2025 09:55

Just no.

shhblackbag · 18/10/2025 09:58

Silverbirchleaf · 18/10/2025 09:52

Good way of thinking about it. Takes the emotion out if it.

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I don't understand why there's emotion in it in the first place tbh. It's complete CF territory to ask a colleague for money, let alone thousands of pounds. I would have been incredulous at the request. Just because women are socialised to be kind, we don't have to abandon common sense.

logplant · 18/10/2025 09:59

Advise her to go to HR - they may give her an emergency loan, but do not give her this money unless you don't mind getting it back because you won't get it back,

MrsMoastyToasty · 18/10/2025 10:02

I would have a word with your boss. I reckon her attitude towards you might change when you refuse to lend/give her the money, and she could potentially make your working life difficult. At least then you will have given management forewarning.

HowDoYouSolveAProblemLikeMyRear · 18/10/2025 10:03

CAP (Christians against poverty) can help her.

Referring her to them, offering to take her out for a coffee (your treat) and lend a listening ear, and maybe even buying her a load of groceries (if you can afford it and wish to) would all be kind ways to help.

I was once terrible with money. I'm glad my friends didn't lend me large amounts, because I'm not sure I'd have managed to pay them back.

I was lucky to have a wealthy and generous father who bailed me out. But the reason it worked was because he then kept an eye on my bank accounts every month from that point and managed things for me for quite some time until I'd eventually paid him back. Obviously that can't be done with a friend.

HowDoYouSolveAProblemLikeMyRear · 18/10/2025 10:03

CAP (Christians against poverty) can help her.

Referring her to them, offering to take her out for a coffee (your treat) and lend a listening ear, and maybe even buying her a load of groceries (if you can afford it and wish to) would all be kind ways to help.

I was once terrible with money. I'm glad my friends didn't lend me large amounts, because I'm not sure I'd have managed to pay them back.

I was lucky to have a wealthy and generous father who bailed me out. But the reason it worked was because he then kept an eye on my bank accounts every month from that point and managed things for me for quite some time until I'd eventually paid him back. Obviously that can't be done with a friend.

KookyRoseCrab · 18/10/2025 10:04

I’m just reading through all these first of all just say no and have a private conversation with your boss no one needs to know you have spoken to the boss .
then ask if the are having problems with Gambling, shopping credit cards etc they also don’t need to go into any more information with you . And 5 months is not a friend

logplant · 18/10/2025 10:05

My dad borrowed money from my siblings and his siblings because he desperately needed it - he was being scammed, he thought he was going to get a share of £63million. Clearly, he didn't get a penny - but he got himself into serious debt.

MissMoneyFairy · 18/10/2025 10:07

Motheroffive999 · 18/10/2025 01:46

Should I tell my boss and employer or keep quiet ?

You tell her to speak with her boss, maybe she can get an advance on her wages. Do not give her a penny, if she asks again then I'll tell your manager to speak to her.

Silverbirchleaf · 18/10/2025 10:11

shhblackbag · 18/10/2025 09:58

I don't understand why there's emotion in it in the first place tbh. It's complete CF territory to ask a colleague for money, let alone thousands of pounds. I would have been incredulous at the request. Just because women are socialised to be kind, we don't have to abandon common sense.

Show quote history

Colleague has obviously emotionally manipulated op in thinking that it’s her responsibility to help ‘friend’ in need. But the truth is, they’ve only worked for a few months together

ReleaseTheDucksOfWar · 18/10/2025 10:14

Motheroffive999 · 18/10/2025 02:40

I have only known her for about 5 months.
She is lovely and older like myself , she doesn't have children , just her and her partner.
We are the only two oldies in our office

Show quote history

Oh Lord. She's new as well and immediately asking someone she's only known for five months for 3,000?

There's an extremely good chance this is a regular pattern.

  1. She should be asking her bank or other entities for a loan. Or her family or if necessary very long standing friends.

  2. If she's been buying small things then she simply doesn't know how to, or doesn't want to, learn how to manage money well.

  3. She's older - she's been managing her money for decades. Now suddenly she's in debt? It doesn't ring true.

  4. If she really does need that money, she needs advice on financial management and possibly a proper loan (she's employed, after all), and to follow that advice - CAB, the other places people have mentioned.

I actually have sympathy for people in grinding poverty who smoke - the strain of relentless financial desperation needs some release - even though it's a very bad idea on many levels. But this doesn't have the smell of that - she's working, she's only been with you for 5 months, she may be lovely but look underneath for her character, not her personality.

Don't do this. It's a scam.

Because there are things that don't add up - her very recent employment, the fact she's older and has been handling her income for many years and should know how to handle money, the fact she's been buying pointless small things while asking others for gigantic loans - I would seriously consider speaking to the manager quietly. You were seriously considering giving her the money (and the chances are high it would have been a gift, not a loan) and had the sense to check it with someone first. Others may be more vulnerable. Grifters don't pick on the well-protected, they go for the vulnerable. No matter how nice they seem.

Coconutter24 · 18/10/2025 10:17

I don't have that amount of money ,

you said you don’t have it so just tell her that. Even if I did have a spare 3k I wouldn’t lend it to someone I’ve known for 5 months!!

NotMeNoNo · 18/10/2025 10:18

Don't ever lend money outside trusted immediate family members. We were taken in by a sob story once when in our 20s, an expensive lesson learned.

Member984815 · 18/10/2025 10:19

Yes tell your employer, they might have more scope to help. If she approaches again tell her to go to her employer to see if they can help. Never lend money to her.

Alpacajigsaw · 18/10/2025 10:23

I’d say no and tell your bosses. She shouldn’t be putting work colleagues in this position. She could be preying on someone vulnerable.

Nosleepforthismum · 18/10/2025 10:25

Absolutely report her to your boss. She’s targeted you for a reason and it’s completely unacceptable. You must report so she doesn’t go after someone else in the office. 3k is outrageous and I am furious on your behalf. I wouldn’t believe her sob story for a minute.

KookyRoseCrab · 18/10/2025 10:26

Are you in the UK or outside the UK ?
in the UK we actually have a duty of care ( supposed to be anyway) she could be getting scammed or anything like that or scamming you , have you thought of the bigger picture?

skyeisthelimit · 18/10/2025 10:41

100% DO NOT lend her any money. You will probably never see it again. OF course you can say no. "No, sorry, I don't have that sort of money and even if I did, I have a policy of never lending money as it doesn't end well". That makes your position clear. If she asks again, then say the same and tell her to stop asking.

It doesn't matter how nice she is, it really isn't your problem to help her and you don't have the money anyway.

Point her in the direction of CAB or DWP or similar to see what help she can get.

Branleuse · 18/10/2025 10:47

skyeisthelimit · 18/10/2025 10:41

100% DO NOT lend her any money. You will probably never see it again. OF course you can say no. "No, sorry, I don't have that sort of money and even if I did, I have a policy of never lending money as it doesn't end well". That makes your position clear. If she asks again, then say the same and tell her to stop asking.

It doesn't matter how nice she is, it really isn't your problem to help her and you don't have the money anyway.

Point her in the direction of CAB or DWP or similar to see what help she can get.

yes, be very clear about it that you are not someone to ask for money.

You actually dont know her. Shes new at work. Why would she choose a new colleague to ask? Hasnt she got anyone closer to her, or have they all been exhausted?

No good can come out of this

ComfortFoodCafe · 18/10/2025 10:49

No dont give it to her, if shes at the point of asking collegues for 3 GRAND she clearly has not got the means of repaying you!

Branleuse · 18/10/2025 10:50

I also think you should speak to your manager about it. You could say that you dont want to embarrass her if shes struggling, but you think it should probably be noted that she asked, in case its not legit.

CapriceDeDieux · 18/10/2025 10:50

It is such a wildly inappropriate ask to anyone for that much, let alone a work colleague and one you have only known 5 months.

I would struggle to ask my Dad for £3000 grand, even though he likely has it and would gladly give it were we in trouble. I can't imagine ever asking a friend, and someone at work is off the scale.

As others have said, there is a messy backstory to her situation, which you simply cannot solve or get involved in. How is there no one else she can ask (friends and family - and if they have said no, you have to wonder why), you cannot afford it, you will never see it again.

I would flag to manager that there is something odd going on and that you are concerned, because quite apart from the money issues & the amount requested, asking a colleague in a new work setting is really odd and unprofessional.

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 18/10/2025 10:52

If she’s a ‘spender’ it’s very unlikely that she’d pay you back as per any agreement anyway.
TBH you can only say that you don’t have that sort of cash available, and what you do have is tied up in fixed term savings anyway.

The friend of a dd was still spending on stuff she didn’t need when she was ‘worried sick’ over £30k of cc debt - she had gone shopping yet again to ‘cheer herself up’! And would not go with dd to return much of it (still in the bags with receipts!) to the shops!
TBH there’s no helping some people who just won’t help themselves.

Zeborah · 18/10/2025 10:52

Just no! Don’t do it

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