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Original poster

My colleague came to me in tears and asked to borrow 3k

462 replies

Motheroffive999 · 18/10/2025 01:36

She will lose her home and has 3 weeks to find it.
I didn't know what to say , I don't have that amount of money , I have some savings but not that much , and I may need it.
Today she asked for 1k which of course I still do not have at my disposal, but could get it in a few days.
I am torn , I don't want to be unkind but she has bought things recently , lots of small things , things that I do not have the spare money to buy.
What can I do ?

OP posts:
GingerPaste · 18/10/2025 22:29

Is her job one where she has access to the company’s money, or things that could be stolen.

Desperate people can do desperate things.

In my last job, one of my colleagues, over a period of seven years, stole a huge amount of money from the company (and they’ve just gone to prison for it).

SoReadyFor · 18/10/2025 22:30

Please don't lend anything.

TessSaysYes · 18/10/2025 22:31

Really bizarre. Could she be scamming you?

Laurmolonlabe · 18/10/2025 22:51

She's a colleague, not even a close friend- be sympathetic, but don't give them any money.

Original poster
Motheroffive999 · 18/10/2025 23:27

GingerPaste · 18/10/2025 22:29

Is her job one where she has access to the company’s money, or things that could be stolen.

Desperate people can do desperate things.

In my last job, one of my colleagues, over a period of seven years, stole a huge amount of money from the company (and they’ve just gone to prison for it).

Hello , thankfully not. 👍

OP posts:
Original poster
Motheroffive999 · 18/10/2025 23:28

TomatoSandwiches · 18/10/2025 17:20

Did she come to you crying about this at work?

Yes , she was very quiet and then when I asked if she was ok she broke down.

OP posts:
JFDIYOLO · 18/10/2025 23:59

DON'T get into that complicated conversation with her, OP!

She suckered you. By playing quiet and withdrawn, then you took the bait and asked the question that hooked you and reeled you in with the crying performance.

Then when the opening £3k didn't land, she pivoted to her next goal of £1k. Testing to find your trigger sum. What she might be able to get out of you.

If you do get into the conversation as you described, she'll play you again by seizing on any mention of the word 'gift'.

This is how con artists operate. By observing and testing, looking for weak points (ie your compassion and kindness), then apply pressure and twist.

Shut her down.

Just say 'no'. That is all you need to say. 'No'. No apologies, no explanations, no anything she could seize on.

It's not your problem, not your duty or your job to offer to fix it, or to suggest solutions for her financial issues, if they are real.

Direct her to speak to the line manager, HR, staff welfare. People whose job it actually is to support staff wellbeing.

ReleaseTheDucksOfWar · 19/10/2025 00:04

Speak to your line manager and ask if there is any company help / salary advances for someone in her situation - make it very plain that it's her not you, and why you are asking - that she asked if she could borrow a sum of money, a sum that wasn't small at all. It lets the line manager know that this employee is making a highly inappropriate request while also finding out some information for her on the unlikely chance she's genuine.

Wait til she brings it up again.

" Hey, I have been thinking about it and we can't help. I did ask our line manager, and they can give a salary advance/unfortunately they can't help. I did look up some organisations that can help. " then give her the numbers of CAB, etc.

By letting her know that you spoke to the line manager it covers your arse, frankly, and if she's not genuine it lets her know that it's unwise to pressure you more. If she is genuine, then you've found some helpful information out for her. It could be argued that it's marginally inappropriate for you to share her personal info - but it was massively more inappropriate for her to ask someone she's known twenty weeks for a loan of three thousand pounds and she did it in a work situation.

Phrasing is everything here. Everything after the fact of saying No, that is.

pineapplesundae · 19/10/2025 03:10

A simple no will do. What happens next month when she’s in the same position?

FloozyMcGee · 19/10/2025 05:02

If she's not able to keep up with her house bills, how will she pay you back? and what's to keep her from getting in this kind of a spot again, esp. if it looks like she's just not managing her money well? Explain to her that you don't have any money to spare; that if you did, you'd just switch places with her. Somehow she created this situation, it's hers to resolve, and you should not allow yourself to feel ANY guilt.

Bjorkdidit · 19/10/2025 05:31

PrettyPickle · 18/10/2025 19:41

Unless she is a very close friend, say you can't afford to lose it, so no! But say it kindly.

I got sucked in by a work colleague like this too. Newly single mum who worked at the same place and she had two young kids. She (lets call her "L") walked past my office and had clearly been crying and as soon as I asked if she was OK she broke down and then ran off to the bathroom. Eventually L messaged me to apologise and explained she was behind with the child care fees and after school club fees for the eldest and needed £800 or they would not take the kids the next day and no childcare, no work. L said she would have it in a couple of weeks (had PPI claim coming through) so could sort it then but she needed it now. L was overdrawn at the bank, lived in rented accommodation and had no-one she could turn to. I was due to go on holiday 3 mths later and I could loan her some of my holiday money but strictly needed it back within three months or my holiday would go belly up. She was really grateful and I was a mug. I was discreet and didn't tell anyone as she said she was very embarrassed.

Two months later she had become the illusive pimpernel and no money had been returned. I had gently emailed her and she had not initially replied but eventually said there had been a delay and replied it would be with me within a week.

A week later (three weeks to my holiday) still no money.

I was then told by a fellow colleague in passing, that L had committed to going to a Ladies Race Day the following week and was staying in a hotel the night before and after and that she had purchased a lovely dress and hat, all courtesy of her PPI winnings!

I casually floated past L's office door, saw she as alone and went in, not alerting her to the fact that I knew she had already got her PPI monies. And according to her she was still skint and awaiting the bank transfer for the PPI monies. At this point I asked how she had managed to book and prepay the race day outing. She denied it, I thought I may have got the wrong end of the stick as she was so adamant it wasn't true. I was embarrassed (or naive) at not checking my facts before confronting her.

Later on, I checked my source and got proof positive that she was going to the Raceday (she had taken someone elses place who had cancelled) and I commented I was only asking as I hadn't seen her leave request.

I went back to see her, we were in the midst of an argument when the person she was PA to (and was in the adjoining office) came in and told us off for arguing as they could hear everything and asked when I had lent L money and what for. L denied she had discussed the childcare fees with me but I had her email and my subsequent bank transfer to her account as proof. Her boss asked if they could have a private word with L. Anyway to cut a long story short, she had borrowed money off me and her boss, neither of which had been repaid.

She had needed money for the childcare fees, she had made a PPI claim but had already received that money (not sure how much but over £1000) which she had spent on her mini break without repaying either of us. Not sure of the conversation that took place between her and her boss after I left, but I got a bank transfer later that day for the full amount of the money, who knows where it came from, I wasn't asking.

If you can't afford to lose it, don't lend it. I learnt my lesson the hard way.

This sort of scenario is a common one and I don't understand what goes through people's heads that they can blatantly spend on non essentials while they owe people money that they borrowed based on an emotional 'I can't pay for childcare, food for DC, electricity' sob story.

Is it deliberate entitlement or does it genuinely not occur to them that they need to rein in the spending on fun stuff if they can't afford it.

I know that many people can't afford the basics but the level of bad budgeting and prioritisation is so common that I can't help but hear 'I've spent my money a day at the races so I'm now going to try and guilt you into paying my childcare bill' every time I hear about someone trying to spend other people's money 'because they can't afford their childcare bill so can't work'.

The reality is that a lot of the time the difference between people who have money and those who don't is the people who don't have money have spent theirs on nice things and/or utter crap.

pushthebuttonnn · 19/10/2025 06:36

I agree with everyone re your latest post. Just say 'no, sorry. I can't help you'
If she presses or gives another sob story you could tell her you are short yourself and not in a position to help anyone. Definitely dont say you are careful with your money etc. What a cf she is.

BunnyRuddington · 19/10/2025 07:25

Motheroffive999 · 18/10/2025 23:28

Yes , she was very quiet and then when I asked if she was ok she broke down.

Show quote history

Again this is really odd behaviour. Like she’s manipulated you in to asking her what’s wrong, then catching you off guard with her tears.

If she cries again pass her a tissue and fetch your boss to deal with her. Don’t get caught up in her games.

Some people are saying that they never lend anything to colleagues. I am lucky to work in a tight knit team and we do lend and borrow all of the time but I’m talking a pound for the lotto or bag of crisps if they’re hungry. Asking for anything more would probably get a “fuck off, do you think I’m made of money!” Which probably is the response you should have used here Grin

Silvertulips · 19/10/2025 07:31

Had similar. I reported it to a manager and they put him in touch with agencies and an advance on his wages.

At 47 he had not secured a home, car etc and often jumped into living with woman - you know the type.

I wouldn’t lend him money as he would never pay it back.

CandidHedgehog · 19/10/2025 07:37

Please don’t give the response you outlined yesterday.

You don’t need to give justifications - you are just opening the door to her coming up with arguments against what you have to say.

Also, the ‘I’m sensible with money’ bit is patronising and rude. If she’s not a grifter (and I think the jury’s still out on that point), this is a really snotty thing to say.

Please note, whether she’s a grifter or not, you shouldn’t lend her the money. If she is just desperate, letting her increase her debts is the opposite of helpful. You would be actively hurting her by lending money.

TwinklyStork · 19/10/2025 07:38

Good god no. You will never see that money again.

As other people have pointed out, if she’s in such a hole she’s about to lose her home she does not have the means to pay you back and then aside from losing your shirt you also have to have that awkwardness of interacting with her every day.

You’ve only known her a few months, she’s essentially a stranger begging you for £3k of your money, and when she can’t pay you back she’ll probably leave the company. How would you get the money back then? Do you even know where she lives?!

Makingadecision · 19/10/2025 07:39

Eatinghurts · 18/10/2025 02:03

I woulfd signpost to step change and citizens advice are you able to dirrect her to any financial welbeing resources or charities through work. Oi would be inclined to put it all in an email starting with you areunable to loan her the 3 k she’s requested but here are services who may support. That way you have evidence of the request should it be needed.

This is good advice

BunnyRuddington · 19/10/2025 08:27

I also agree with the PP. Do not use the reply you’ve set out on here. Don’t bring the subject up and definitely don’t look for a reaction.

If she mentions it again say something like “sorry you lost be dreaming Sheila if you think I’ve got that kind of money” and don’t get drawn in any further.

You seem way too invested in her, her finances and how this is going to work out.

If she is going to lose her home ots sad but realistically there is nothing you can do apart from signpost her to the appropriate agencies and you don’t even have to do that if you don’t want to.

ReleaseTheDucksOfWar · 19/10/2025 09:28

@Bjorkdidit you mentioned 'what are people thinking of that they spend stupidly' ... I've come to realise that there are many reasons why not.

Some people genuinely have a deep problem connecting cause and effect. Sometimes some people live only in the moment and future difficulties because they've spent money now just aren't real to them. They may know intellectually but somehow it doesn't sink in, so each end-of-the-month is in effect a shock.
Sometimes people spend for emotional reasons - as a child their parents took beloved things away from them as punishment, so if they have something now they enjoy it while they can and don't think of the future.
Sometimes there's impulse control issues.
Sometimes they're just silly with money.

Whatever the reason it just isn't right for the OP to lend the money. Too much smells off here, and she needs the money herself - saving for the future is looking after herself so she doesn't end up in the situation of this woman who's trying to borrow so much!

Adooree · 19/10/2025 09:39

Your doing the right thing by not giving her money . I'm ashamed of her behalf that she even thought it ok .
Years ago when I had my first ever job there was a women who worked in the same place , she was married , they both worked full time and she had a couple of kids .
She had come to me a couple of times with a sob story , and a request for money for things like one of her kids needed shoes or they were going on a school trip etc .
She'd pay me back eventually but never quite the whole amount .
I grew wise to her , especially as I found out her and her husband still spent weekends in the pub , she regularly went to bingo , and they both smoked like troopers . Some people will just try it on .

Jorge14 · 19/10/2025 12:35

Don’t do it…. The next thread on here will be ‘I lent my colleague money and she didn’t pay me back’ . If you start to feel awkward tell your manager confidentially

SemiRetiredLoveGoddeess · 19/10/2025 13:04

Has she got some kind of addiction problem? And that is what she needs the money for?

PhuckTrump · 19/10/2025 13:35

GingerPaste · 18/10/2025 22:29

Is her job one where she has access to the company’s money, or things that could be stolen.

Desperate people can do desperate things.

In my last job, one of my colleagues, over a period of seven years, stole a huge amount of money from the company (and they’ve just gone to prison for it).

How much money? An employee recently stole £20-30k and the police aren’t interested. Obviously lost their job, but found a new one (presumably without references, as we weren’t approached), and continuing on with life as if nothing has happened—never paid anything back or faced consequences (apart from being fired).

Thistlewoman · 19/10/2025 16:02

Motheroffive999 · 18/10/2025 01:36

She will lose her home and has 3 weeks to find it.
I didn't know what to say , I don't have that amount of money , I have some savings but not that much , and I may need it.
Today she asked for 1k which of course I still do not have at my disposal, but could get it in a few days.
I am torn , I don't want to be unkind but she has bought things recently , lots of small things , things that I do not have the spare money to buy.
What can I do ?

You have to say no, unfortunately.

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