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Original poster

My colleague came to me in tears and asked to borrow 3k

462 replies

Motheroffive999 · 18/10/2025 01:36

She will lose her home and has 3 weeks to find it.
I didn't know what to say , I don't have that amount of money , I have some savings but not that much , and I may need it.
Today she asked for 1k which of course I still do not have at my disposal, but could get it in a few days.
I am torn , I don't want to be unkind but she has bought things recently , lots of small things , things that I do not have the spare money to buy.
What can I do ?

OP posts:
ThejoyofNC · 18/10/2025 02:28

Why would you lend money to someone who already can't pay their existing debts? She has no means to pay you back.

WilfredsPies · 18/10/2025 02:36

I think that if she’s still spending on little things then the problem is probably a bit deeper than a run of bad luck and then what happens next month? Is it just delaying the inevitable? And then she doesn’t pay you back and you’re a grand down? If you can’t afford to give it to her and never see it again, then you can’t afford to risk lending it to someone who is going to struggle to pay you back.

I think you should just tell her that you can’t do it. You’ve sat down and done your sums and you haven’t got it to spare. If (and only if) she’s your work friend and you’re close then you could maybe offer to be with her when she’s talking to the mortgage company, or you’ll help her Google that government debt helpline (the one that doesn’t charge anything) and see if they can help her, but you can’t lend her any money. Not 3k. Not £300. Not £30. And if she gets really pushy and you don’t feel able to shut her down with a very firm ‘I said no’, then tell her that if you lend her the contents of your bank account, then it’ll only be a matter of time until you’re losing your place because you’ve lent her all your cash and can’t pay your bills.

Personally, I wouldn’t tell your boss, unless she either asks you to help her tell them, or she goes on the turn after you say no.

Original poster
Motheroffive999 · 18/10/2025 02:40

RawBloomers · 18/10/2025 02:27

Do you know her really well OP? Is she a friend as well as a colleague (i.e. would you stay in touch with her if you no longer worked together)?

If not (or if she has any access to company finances), I would tell your boss/HR. Say you're worried about her but also about her putting pressure on other colleagues. I understand she may be desperate (though the reality is you have absolutely no idea if she's really in the trouble she says she is, how she got there, and who else she has hit up for money), but coming to you if your only connection is work is massively inappropriate.

I have only known her for about 5 months.
She is lovely and older like myself , she doesn't have children , just her and her partner.
We are the only two oldies in our office

OP posts:
Bellevue858 · 18/10/2025 02:47

I wouldn’t be reporting it to your bosses, but suggest to her she talks to them to see if there is anyway she can get some pay in advance, annual leave payout, overtime options etc.

The reality is, there is a reason she got into this situation, and I doubt it’s the first time. I know people who spend their whole lives in this cycle.

Keep out of it - and trust me, you won’t see any borrowed money return, I’m very sure of it!

MayaPinion · 18/10/2025 02:47

If she’s not a close friend and she’s asking you for money it’s likely she has exhausted every other avenue - friends and family - so she probably owes them money already. Either that or she’s a scammer looking to get as much money from you as she thinks you can afford before doing a midnight flit. Either way, if you give her any money you are unlikely to ever see it again.

BreakingBroken · 18/10/2025 02:53

@Motheroffive999 3K is a large sum. She could, not only be asking other employees, but clients. Also workplace embezzlement might happen.
Yes, I’d be telling my boss.

PyongyangKipperbang · 18/10/2025 02:56

I wouldnt take it into work but I wouldnt be giving her money or getting involved other than suggesting she contacts a debt management service.

Then you need to think about why your first thought was to help her at detriment to yourself.

You dont have 3k but you were thinking of giving her your only savings of about 1k. Why? Have you never learned/ been taught that its ok to say no?

Nat6999 · 18/10/2025 02:56

Don't do it, I had a friend who begged to borrow £300 off me, I know it isn't as much as £3k but to me as a single parent on benefits it was a lot of money. I never saw a penny of it again & a couple of years later her picture appeared in the local paper, she had stolen £48k of her son's trust fund from his dad who died when he was young, I know for a fact she had been borrowing from other mums at school, I don't know if they ever saw their money again. She got sentenced to 30 months in prison, her son not only had lost his dad but his relationship with his 2 sisters & his mum when he was only 20. She is out of prison now & I often wonder who she has got her claws into now for money.

echt · 18/10/2025 03:17

It may well be that your workplace has rules about money dealings between colleagues. As an example, when I was in the Civil Service it was a rule that a member of staff could never ask for any money from someone junior to them.

As your only contact with her is because of work, yes, I'd tell HR.

MotorhomeMamma · 18/10/2025 03:20

Don’t do it! I’m a sap and a colleague I didn’t even know put me on the spot when it was just the two of us, became tearful, spun me a sob story that I learned after was a lot of rubbish and needed hundreds of pounds. I transferred it to her, got about £50 back in a fiver here and there and then she blocked me. Don’t be an idiot like me.

MooDengOfThailand · 18/10/2025 03:21

You'll never get your money back.

CRD67 · 18/10/2025 03:31

If you give her the money you'll never get it back. She's still a stranger you've hardly known her any time at all. She's a CF to ask you. Tell her no and tell her to get financial help.

CRD67 · 18/10/2025 03:31

If you give her the money you'll never get it back. She's still a stranger you've hardly known her any time at all. She's a CF to ask you. Tell her no and tell her to get financial help.

MermaidMummy06 · 18/10/2025 03:46

My mantra, even to close family & friends is that I'm sorry I don't have the money. Even when I do.

Otherwise you may as well hang out a shingle saying 'repayment optional loans'. You can never be sure people will pay you back. I've not been asked since I started doing that. Which is wonderful because I have a friend who has gotten into financial difficulties & would 100% ask if she thought I'd hand it over. She'd mean to pay me back, but, I know that now she couldn't ever afford it.

Blodyneighbour · 18/10/2025 03:51

Motheroffive999 · 18/10/2025 01:46

Should I tell my boss and employer or keep quiet ?

Tell them. They may be able to help her

beadystar · 18/10/2025 04:39

You’ll never see the money again. Also you’ve known her as a work colleague for only five months, she isn’t your life-long friend. Read the comments above. Some people do this emotive begging thing. Have a confidential word with your line manager.

shhblackbag · 18/10/2025 04:50

Not wanting to be unkind does not mean you lend a colleague 3k. It's unreasonable - to say the least - to even consider this. Don't be a mark, OP.

luckylavender · 18/10/2025 04:50

Don’t do it

PermanentTemporary · 18/10/2025 04:56

Nooooooooooo don’t ‘lend’ her a penny, don’t entertain it. 5 months?? She’s an acquaintance at best. I agree if she’s asking you for thousands it’s because she’s run out of other suckers to ask.

Tell her about Stepchange and just change the subject if she asks again, but if she does, tell your boss.

PollyBell · 18/10/2025 04:57

Go out back of where you live stick the amount in bin and ligjt a match, are you willing to do that? Yes then go for it

If not be then why on earth would you have considered this enough to start a thread on it

TappyGilmore · 18/10/2025 05:01

Definitely say no. Never lend what you can’t afford to give away as my mother would say, but it’s true.

Consider reporting her to your boss if you feel pressured. I wouldn’t report if she’d only asked once, but now its twice it may be worth reporting.

Some people have suggested that she ask for an advance on her pay - but she’s only been there five months. They would be less likely to help someone who has been there such a short period of time.

Bjorkdidit · 18/10/2025 05:02

I don't understand what there is to be 'torn' about.

For someone to ask a work colleague that they're not also close friends with to borrow money saying 'they're about to lose their home' means that it is very likely that they're deep into an ongoing debt situation and have already been refused lending by more than one bank and close friends/family.

DO NOT GIVE HER ANY MONEY YOU WILL NOT SEE IT AGAIN.

The best help you can give her is to be a shoulder to cry on and also to hand hold getting constructive help from appropriate sources.

There must be something serious going on for her to be about to lose her home, likely a combination of more than one issue. It is also very likely that the £3k won't magically solve the issue, only kick the can down the road for a few weeks/months at most.

Direct her towards somewhere like Moneysaving Expert, Step Change, Citizens Advice or Christians Against Poverty for help.

www.moneysavingexpert.com/loans/debt-help-plan/

IamNotBeingUnreasonable · 18/10/2025 05:05

Any money you give her you won't get back.
Do you want to make a donation to someone who "needs" 3k but is buying lots of small things?
I wouldn't.
You have no obligation to this person, just say "I can't help, I have no spare money".

tuvamoodyson · 18/10/2025 05:05

Quite frankly, I’d say no and think no more about it 🤷🏼‍♀️

Scenicgirl · 18/10/2025 05:20

MsAmerica · 18/10/2025 02:04

How about: "I'm so sorry, but I don't have that kind of money available. Let me know if you get near your goal, and maybe I can LOAN you L200-L300, if that would help."

Show quote history

Absolutely do not take this advice. As others have said, it is not her responsibility to loan this colleague money that she needs herself because if she does this once this lady will definitely be back for for more and before long clock up a much larger debt. Direct her to Citizens Advice, the bank or her own family.