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My colleague came to me in tears and asked to borrow 3k

462 replies

Motheroffive999 · 18/10/2025 01:36

She will lose her home and has 3 weeks to find it.
I didn't know what to say , I don't have that amount of money , I have some savings but not that much , and I may need it.
Today she asked for 1k which of course I still do not have at my disposal, but could get it in a few days.
I am torn , I don't want to be unkind but she has bought things recently , lots of small things , things that I do not have the spare money to buy.
What can I do ?

OP posts:
dh280125 · 18/10/2025 18:41

Don't loan the money, you will never see it again. You can't know the full circumstances either (drugs, gambling etc) and might be enabling something bad. If she does it again I'd tell HR you are uncomfortable.

Berthatydfil · 18/10/2025 18:55

Oh no you have had an unexpected bill for car repairs, central heating, expensive household appliance so you no longer in a position to consider loaning any money to anyone - even your children.

Achewyhamster · 18/10/2025 18:59

Don't lend her any money

I have twice (both smaller amounts)

One was my last £25 and she promptly spent it on weed and claims she didnt borrow the money and pleads poverty all the time

The other borrowed £200 and I never saw her again-she claimed id given her it and could afford to lose it

Both times I couldn't afford to lend the money and they took the piss-theyd ran out of other people to ask and owed thousands of pounds

Mitzuko · 18/10/2025 19:00

I had something similar, some people know how to press such buttons of pity and guilt. My partner suggested to say simply: I'm sorry, I don't know you so well so I can't afford to lose my money too if it's not returned.

Strange she doesn't have anyone else to ask with family and friends, moreover councils and charities are the ones in charge.

PoppySaidYesIKnow · 18/10/2025 19:03

You don’t have to explain anything to her. Just say no I can’t help you.

wrinkledstocking · 18/10/2025 19:16

Nope..no way,.if you havnt got that money anyway…never be a borrower or a lender be.. if she hasn’t money now she’ll never get that money anytime…to,pay you back..NO!! Don’t do it..lend a sympathetic ear..

Aethelred · 18/10/2025 19:20

You do not give or lend any money. You suggest going to an organisation that can help like Christians Against Poverty.

PrettyPickle · 18/10/2025 19:41

Unless she is a very close friend, say you can't afford to lose it, so no! But say it kindly.

I got sucked in by a work colleague like this too. Newly single mum who worked at the same place and she had two young kids. She (lets call her "L") walked past my office and had clearly been crying and as soon as I asked if she was OK she broke down and then ran off to the bathroom. Eventually L messaged me to apologise and explained she was behind with the child care fees and after school club fees for the eldest and needed £800 or they would not take the kids the next day and no childcare, no work. L said she would have it in a couple of weeks (had PPI claim coming through) so could sort it then but she needed it now. L was overdrawn at the bank, lived in rented accommodation and had no-one she could turn to. I was due to go on holiday 3 mths later and I could loan her some of my holiday money but strictly needed it back within three months or my holiday would go belly up. She was really grateful and I was a mug. I was discreet and didn't tell anyone as she said she was very embarrassed.

Two months later she had become the illusive pimpernel and no money had been returned. I had gently emailed her and she had not initially replied but eventually said there had been a delay and replied it would be with me within a week.

A week later (three weeks to my holiday) still no money.

I was then told by a fellow colleague in passing, that L had committed to going to a Ladies Race Day the following week and was staying in a hotel the night before and after and that she had purchased a lovely dress and hat, all courtesy of her PPI winnings!

I casually floated past L's office door, saw she as alone and went in, not alerting her to the fact that I knew she had already got her PPI monies. And according to her she was still skint and awaiting the bank transfer for the PPI monies. At this point I asked how she had managed to book and prepay the race day outing. She denied it, I thought I may have got the wrong end of the stick as she was so adamant it wasn't true. I was embarrassed (or naive) at not checking my facts before confronting her.

Later on, I checked my source and got proof positive that she was going to the Raceday (she had taken someone elses place who had cancelled) and I commented I was only asking as I hadn't seen her leave request.

I went back to see her, we were in the midst of an argument when the person she was PA to (and was in the adjoining office) came in and told us off for arguing as they could hear everything and asked when I had lent L money and what for. L denied she had discussed the childcare fees with me but I had her email and my subsequent bank transfer to her account as proof. Her boss asked if they could have a private word with L. Anyway to cut a long story short, she had borrowed money off me and her boss, neither of which had been repaid.

She had needed money for the childcare fees, she had made a PPI claim but had already received that money (not sure how much but over £1000) which she had spent on her mini break without repaying either of us. Not sure of the conversation that took place between her and her boss after I left, but I got a bank transfer later that day for the full amount of the money, who knows where it came from, I wasn't asking.

If you can't afford to lose it, don't lend it. I learnt my lesson the hard way.

Bluestar1971 · 18/10/2025 19:56

Don't give her the money. She will only be back for more and won't pay you back. Steer well clear

Coffeetime25 · 18/10/2025 19:57

Motheroffive999 · 18/10/2025 17:06

Thank you all for your replies.
I have read every one.
I won't be giving her any money , you have made me see that something really isn't quite right.
Like you have all said it doesn't add up .I am going to tell her to get advice from citizens advice and to tell our employer to see if they can give her an advance , but really I want them to know that something isn't right and there is more to this.I just can't figure what it is but I think it will become clear .
I will let you all know as I will be working with her tomorrow.
I won't bring the subject up but if she does I will tell her that there is more to this that meets the eye and see her reaction.
I will also tell her that I am sensible with money and have never lent anyone any money before , and if I did I know it would have to be a gift because people are usually unable to repay the loan.
My own adult children all work hard and have their own homes and I have never had to help them thankfully , so why would I give money to someone I have known 5 months ? I will say all of this and see her reaction.

def speak to work and don't give her a penny you barely know this person and this is a lot of money I would not even mention the gift as she could assume that this is an offer let your boss deal with this and don't get sucked in

theonlygirl · 18/10/2025 19:58

Very firmly just say no, I do not have any spare money.

The fact she has asked you after only knowing you 5 months is a massive red flag. I'd be mortified asking family & decades old friends for a loan, never mind someone I've know 2 minutes.

Flixon · 18/10/2025 20:08

NEVER lend money you cannot afford to give away. If you are willing to give this colleague your savings and never see it again then go ahead. Personally I would offer advice to contact CAB or step change, but I would never lend that kind of money, except to my brother because I would be willing to lose it for him. I have savings, but I worked hard for them and it’s my safety net.

Trishyb10 · 18/10/2025 20:16

I got made redundant suddenly, was unexpected, had a huge mortgage and had just developed carpal tunnel, so no one wanted to give me a job…what a state i was in… did i ask anyone for money…NO… went months into mortgage arrears, took 1st job cleaning at 5a.m start and a 3 mile walk to get there, opened an ebay account and had a tenner to buy ??? to buy bits to sell, got temp work, delivered leaflets,missed meals as i could not afford groceries. DO NOT BAIL HER OUT.. you likely wont get it back… When the going gets tough the tough get going . I tread water for years til i finally got back on top, let her do the same x

Tortielady · 18/10/2025 20:17

It's good you've decided against lending your colleague any money @Motheroffive999 It would be even better if you backed your decision up with a less defensive response to her request. Remember that she's asked you for a loan not once, but twice. Having been told you don't have £3k, she's going for whatever she can get and surely she must have gathered by now that you don't have much to spare? Her attitude would be reprehensible if you had a fat bank account at Coutts; as it is you don't and it seems this individual isn't bothered. In the face of someone who'd leave you without your last grand for boiler repairs or a car service, you have nothing to justify, explain or apologise for.

Say no, I don't have it and forward her the link to Citizens' Advice or other debt advice service. I have a background in debt advice, including with CAB and they can be enormously helpful, but only if people are serious about getting a grip on their situation. Debt restructuring can offer a long-term remedy to problems that have been bubbling up for a while, but people have to want the help.

BuildbyNumbere · 18/10/2025 20:28

What do you think … just say, no sorry, I don’t have it. Why is this even a question 🙄🤦🏻‍♀️

MyNameIsJane · 18/10/2025 20:45

This happened to me last year. I had started in a new job. 2 months in, someone who worked in the room next to me, texted me and asked me if I could lend her £200. I felt awful but said no. We said nothing more of it while I worked there.

Pessismistic · 18/10/2025 20:54

Good for you op not doing this as it won’t end well. It’s obviously not your place to inform employers but good for you not being drawn into this situation.

ShodAndShadySenators · 18/10/2025 20:56

OP please don't say any of that. If she does ask again just say No you can't. If pressed say you don't have any spare money to lend anyone, and then let your boss know. It's deeply inappropriate to ask a colleague to loan you money; if you are good friends and have history of lending each other small sums and always pay it back promptly, that would be different. This is a completely different situation and your response should always be NO, even if she cries.

You don't want her to twist your words to imply that you would and will get money for her, so don't say anything other than No, not possible.

She's already asked you twice, so three times should be reported.

Lotsofsnacks · 18/10/2025 21:10

Motheroffive999 · 18/10/2025 17:06

Thank you all for your replies.
I have read every one.
I won't be giving her any money , you have made me see that something really isn't quite right.
Like you have all said it doesn't add up .I am going to tell her to get advice from citizens advice and to tell our employer to see if they can give her an advance , but really I want them to know that something isn't right and there is more to this.I just can't figure what it is but I think it will become clear .
I will let you all know as I will be working with her tomorrow.
I won't bring the subject up but if she does I will tell her that there is more to this that meets the eye and see her reaction.
I will also tell her that I am sensible with money and have never lent anyone any money before , and if I did I know it would have to be a gift because people are usually unable to repay the loan.
My own adult children all work hard and have their own homes and I have never had to help them thankfully , so why would I give money to someone I have known 5 months ? I will say all of this and see her reaction.

You don’t have to explain anything, you just say no, politely but firmly. If you give all these backstories it gives her chance to come at another angle

PyongyangKipperbang · 18/10/2025 21:18

I agree with the PP's above. Keep it simple.

The more information you give, the more chances you give them to knock down your objections. "Oh but that doesnt matter because......" "Yes but if you do......" "If I do.......then it will be fine".

Just a straight out "No, I dont lend money but here is the number for Citizens Advice who may be able to help you deal with this"

Berlinlover · 18/10/2025 21:21

DeeThree · 18/10/2025 11:14

And yet several people keep giving her money - does she have something on these people?

She has asked several people for money but not every one of these people has actually given her money. The few that have given her money probably felt intimidated by her, she’s not a nice person.

Jack80 · 18/10/2025 21:33

I would confide in your boss and help her go to citizens advice

Futurehappiness · 18/10/2025 21:59

I agree with the advice to keep it brief and simple. Sorry but you don't have any money to lend her. You don't owe her any explanation and don't give her anything more that she can argue back with; if she is a practised grifter (which seems likely) she will be skilled at breaking down people's boundaries and wheedling her way to getting at least some of what she wants. So be prepared for that and be a broken record. 'I don't have it to lend', rinse and repeat.

I think you should consider letting your workplace know as it is utterly inappropriate of her to ask work colleagues for money. She may well just move on to another colleague and if (when) she doesn't repay there will be fallout that your employer will have to deal with. If she is only 5 months in she may well still be on probation.

PruthePrune · 18/10/2025 22:07

Don't give any explanations. A "No, I can't lend you any money" is sufficient.

CalmFox · 18/10/2025 22:22

Not your circus not your monkeys