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Original poster

My colleague came to me in tears and asked to borrow 3k

462 replies

Motheroffive999 · 18/10/2025 01:36

She will lose her home and has 3 weeks to find it.
I didn't know what to say , I don't have that amount of money , I have some savings but not that much , and I may need it.
Today she asked for 1k which of course I still do not have at my disposal, but could get it in a few days.
I am torn , I don't want to be unkind but she has bought things recently , lots of small things , things that I do not have the spare money to buy.
What can I do ?

OP posts:
SugarPlumpFairyCakes · 18/10/2025 15:17

No. You can’t do this.

3luckystars · 18/10/2025 15:34

Why would you give money to her, it’s a terrible investment!! She hasn’t a clue about money so she is a terrible bet!

RisingSunn · 18/10/2025 15:37

MayaPinion · 18/10/2025 02:47

If she’s not a close friend and she’s asking you for money it’s likely she has exhausted every other avenue - friends and family - so she probably owes them money already. Either that or she’s a scammer looking to get as much money from you as she thinks you can afford before doing a midnight flit. Either way, if you give her any money you are unlikely to ever see it again.

100% this - to ask a colleague means no relatives or friends are willing, which is a red flag.

I have a family friend who is going around asking for thousands from different people, all because he is in debt because of day trading but he tells them its for the mortgage.

He is unable to pay anyone back.

OhDearMuriel · 18/10/2025 15:57

What everyone else says.

Just do not do it under any circumstances.

ChimpanzeeThatMonkeyNews · 18/10/2025 15:59

OP, i really hope that you don’t come back here in 3 weeks and say you’ve given her a grand and she’s refusing to give it back.

AgathaMayhem · 18/10/2025 15:59

Oh my, you can't lend her any money.
No way.
Not £3,000.
Not £1,000.
It's a straight no.
Tell HR. An employee of theirs has asked you, also their employee, to lend them a large sum of money. They need to know.

DoinFineIThink · 18/10/2025 16:00

Motheroffive999 · 18/10/2025 01:36

She will lose her home and has 3 weeks to find it.
I didn't know what to say , I don't have that amount of money , I have some savings but not that much , and I may need it.
Today she asked for 1k which of course I still do not have at my disposal, but could get it in a few days.
I am torn , I don't want to be unkind but she has bought things recently , lots of small things , things that I do not have the spare money to buy.
What can I do ?

No way. It's lovely that you want to help her, but that's asking for all kinds of trouble and awkwardness, in both your professional and personal dealings with her.
Be supportive and there for her but I wouldn't be lending any money.

angustifolia · 18/10/2025 16:22

This shouldn't even be a question. Of course you don't loan her the money unless you'd be happy to never get it back. You don't even know her that well. It doesn't matter that she's the only colleague close to your own age. Why would that matter? Harden your heart against her tears and tell her the truth, that you can't loan her the money. If she insists or continues asking, I'd definitely speak to someone at work about it.

Lighteningstrikes · 18/10/2025 16:39

You need to tell HR before she tries tapping up the younger and more gullible members of staff.

Chiaseedling · 18/10/2025 16:42

Why would you give a colleague your savings?

TeaBiscuitsNaptime · 18/10/2025 16:44

Don't give her money. You could suggest going to a charity who helps sort money issues out/budget etc. Or you could help set up a go fund me maybe

godmum56 · 18/10/2025 16:47

TeaBiscuitsNaptime · 18/10/2025 16:44

Don't give her money. You could suggest going to a charity who helps sort money issues out/budget etc. Or you could help set up a go fund me maybe

"set up a go fund me" so help her with her scam?

Sunshineismyfavourite · 18/10/2025 16:56

Oh my goodness no. Don't ever give her money. She is not your responsibility - she's a grown up and needs to sort her own financial issues. You'd probably never see it again OP. Empathise but DO NOT loan her any money.

Mich1986 · 18/10/2025 16:58

Absolutely not!! Tell her you don’t have that sort of money. It’s sad if this is her situation, but it isn’t for you to sort out and you would never see that money again.

MostlyFoggyTheseDays · 18/10/2025 17:02

Don’t do this. Whatever circumstance led to this is probably still in play and you will be delaying the inevitable whilst losing money. Me and DH did this, never saw the money (bar£50) again.

Original poster
Motheroffive999 · 18/10/2025 17:06

Thank you all for your replies.
I have read every one.
I won't be giving her any money , you have made me see that something really isn't quite right.
Like you have all said it doesn't add up .I am going to tell her to get advice from citizens advice and to tell our employer to see if they can give her an advance , but really I want them to know that something isn't right and there is more to this.I just can't figure what it is but I think it will become clear .
I will let you all know as I will be working with her tomorrow.
I won't bring the subject up but if she does I will tell her that there is more to this that meets the eye and see her reaction.
I will also tell her that I am sensible with money and have never lent anyone any money before , and if I did I know it would have to be a gift because people are usually unable to repay the loan.
My own adult children all work hard and have their own homes and I have never had to help them thankfully , so why would I give money to someone I have known 5 months ? I will say all of this and see her reaction.

OP posts:
ChimpanzeeThatMonkeyNews · 18/10/2025 17:07

Good for you, @Motheroffive999

All the best.

MediocreAgain · 18/10/2025 17:10

I will also tell her that I am sensible with money and have never lent anyone any money before , and if I did I know it would have to be a gift because people are usually unable to repay the loan.

I wouldn't say this - she might think you were saying you would gift her the money rather than loaning it? Also it seems like overexplaining when "No" is the only the answer you need to give.

3luckystars · 18/10/2025 17:11

I would be very careful what words you use. Keep quiet.

If it was me, I would say that I am short of money too, and ask her has she any ideas.

HaughtyAndCold · 18/10/2025 17:14

Do not lend money, you will never see it again.

how dare she ask you to put your family in financial dire straits to help her out of a hole.

PumpkinSpiceAndEverythingNice · 18/10/2025 17:15

Only lend what you can afford not to get back and that won’t create negativity if she doesn’t pay it back. I wouldn’t be lending anything in this situation.

Shoulderscuff · 18/10/2025 17:17

Absolutely not, unless you have moneybto happily gift someone, never lend.
You don't know her from adam.
I would be seriously unimpressed with being approached in this way at work.
Extremely inappropriate.

GreyCarpet · 18/10/2025 17:18

Tbh, OP, I wouldn't get into any of that with her.

She doesn't need to know that you're good with money, or haven't had to lend your children money or that this looks as dodgy as fuck. Nothing about knowing it would be a gift because people don't repay. All of that opens a dialogue and she will counter all of it.

Don't say anything and, if she brings it up, you say, "No, I'm can't do that." Or, "Sorry, I can't" if that feels too blunt. No details. If she asks why, just repeat, "Because I can't." Give her nothing. If she continues, tell her you're not discussing ot anymore and tell your boss.

You don't owe her any money. She is in the wrong for asking. You are not in the wrong for saying no.

PhuckTrump · 18/10/2025 17:18

MediocreAgain · 18/10/2025 17:10

I will also tell her that I am sensible with money and have never lent anyone any money before , and if I did I know it would have to be a gift because people are usually unable to repay the loan.

I wouldn't say this - she might think you were saying you would gift her the money rather than loaning it? Also it seems like overexplaining when "No" is the only the answer you need to give.

Yes

roseclouds · 18/10/2025 17:19

MediocreAgain · 18/10/2025 17:10

I will also tell her that I am sensible with money and have never lent anyone any money before , and if I did I know it would have to be a gift because people are usually unable to repay the loan.

I wouldn't say this - she might think you were saying you would gift her the money rather than loaning it? Also it seems like overexplaining when "No" is the only the answer you need to give.

THIS. I would be very careful of suggesting you dont lend money, you only gift it because then that opens up a conversation where she can hint you can gift it to her and dont think she wont have the nerve to do that considering she's already asked you twice!

You do not need to explain yourself to this person who is trying to manipulate you, just say "no, I cannot". End of. If she brings it up again you say "I have already told you, I cant". The broken record technique is the only one that works with people like this.

If you start making up long detailed excuses she will find a way to argue around them or suggest alternative amounts and this issue will just go on and on and on.

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