My colleague came to me in tears and asked to borrow 3k

[Motheroffive999]

She will lose her home and has 3 weeks to find it.
I didn't know what to say , I don't have that amount of money , I have some savings but not that much , and I may need it.
Today she asked for 1k which of course I still do not have at my disposal, but could get it in a few days.
I am torn , I don't want to be unkind but she has bought things recently , lots of small things , things that I do not have the spare money to buy.
What can I do ?

Did she come to you crying about this at work?

This. Don’t explain or overshare.

I’m trying to get my head round starting a new job and then asking virtual strangers for a huge sum of money. It makes me even more convinced it’s a scam. Definitely tell your manager or HR.

You don't need to explain why. Just say No.

oh is this going to turn into one of those ‘detective threads’? You don’t need to gauge her reaction to see ‘if there’s something more.’ Frankly, who cares if there is?

Your colleague needs to phone her local Citizens Advice, (or Step Change if the problem is debt), and explain that it is an emergency if she’s about to lose her home.

If she’s of state pension age, she can also ring the Age UK advice line.

I think this would be a mistake - whether she's actually lying or not, she'll resent you for implying it and it'll make it harder to work with her in future. She might also resent you saying something to the boss - if she's up to something she wouldn't want them knowing about she'll be angry you drew attention to it. Or the boss might think less of you for getting involved in her drama. Just say you're sorry but you don't have it, and then stay out of it. If she wants to ask for an advance she can do so herself.

OP, all you need is.

"I can't."

"Because I can't."

"I said I can't."

If she pushes you once you've given these three responses,

"Excuse me."

Walk away and tell your boss.

That's it. Nothing else.

I'm a bit alarmed by your last post OP.

You don't owe her an explanation, just 'I'm sorry, but I can't'

OP, I'm asking this because I'm also a bit concerned by your last post.

Would you be considered vulnerable in any way?

I only ask because I have a friend who would want to lend the money and would feel uncomfortable not doing so. He would also feel that he had to give the level of detail you describe to justify saying no. He has additional needs and a learning disability. I don't know anyone else who would consider it

I wouldn't over explain OP, and don't let the word 'gift' pass your lips.

I will also tell her that I am sensible with money and have never lent anyone any money before , and if I did I know it would have to be a gift because people are usually unable to repay the loan
This sounds like you're willing to just give her the money and not want it back, for goodness sake don't just hand over your savings putting yourself at risk. You won't see the money again, especially if you go on about it being a gift if you do!
You don't need to over explain. Just say no sorry you can't afford it.

Op definitely DO NOT say any of that. You don't need to explain in that level of detail, she will tie you in knots
A simpler answer would be "I don't have money to lend you" if she asks for a smaller amount , a simple repeat " I don't have any money to lend you sorry , that's ny final answer"
And repeat .

Don't give her any ways to engage you in details

She has no way of paying you back. She likely can’t ask anyone else as she’s done this to family already once before, and not paid back.

her financial situation NOT your responsibility.

i cannot emphasise this enough as someone who has been naive enough to lend money to someone who had no way of paying me back, mainly because they didn’t know how to budget and didn’t want to discipline themselves to learn. That and a really poor work ethic which meant they kept being sacked.

I agree, I think you need to be very clear you aren’t lending her the money.

I think telling her you are sensible with money is a bit of rubbing her face in it...

And saying you don't lend money but gift money raises the possibility of you just giving her £3k.

All you need to say is you've thought about it, you're sorry you can't help, but you're not the right person to help anyway. She needs proper advice and support first - perhaps from an EAP if your company has one, from a debt charity like Stepchange if it doesn't - and if a loan really is the best solution, it's your employer who is best placed to make one.

Be firm, but also be clear.

Not your circus, not your monkeys. Never lend money to anyone

Op, there’s no need to be mean and say those things!

but hard no on lending. Also why would she be buying you stuff you can’t afford and now suddenly she needs 3k from you? If things are this bad, she wouldn’t have been buying a new colleague expensive presents. Doesn’t make any sense.

You’re going to give away too much information OP. Say as little as possible.

Say No
You absolutely cannot put your colleague before yourself here.
You cannot afford to give her money that you will be unlikely to ever see again

Just read your update
Don't say all that-she will drag you into her problems
Just no I cant afford it

Agree. A simple ,” I am not able to” “No, please do not embarrass yourself by asking again.” Frankly she sees you as a soft touch and will otherwise try to persuade you.

I wouldn’t tell the second part about how sensible you are with money, you know he’d only 5 months etc. etc
in these situations it’s better to be short and to the point: I understand but no I can’t lend you money Suzy. Citizen’s advice would be a good place to advice you what to do.

No, don’t.

Just don’t. If she can’t/won’t repay your friendship is over. If she’s to be repossessed £1000 is a drop in the ocean anyway.

This happened to us - we have seen the recipient regularly- she says ‘I haven’t forgotten’.

She is often out in town with friends, beautifully turned out…
No sign of even a gesture.

Someone from my work did this.. not the same story but similar, to lots of different people on the sly. She left and people found out it wasn't just them as obviously they couldn't pester her for money back

Absolutely not. She’s a colleague not family. I sympathise with her situation but it isn’t your responsibility. You shouldn’t leave yourself financially vulnerable especially if you have children.