My colleague came to me in tears and asked to borrow 3k

[Motheroffive999]

She will lose her home and has 3 weeks to find it.
I didn't know what to say , I don't have that amount of money , I have some savings but not that much , and I may need it.
Today she asked for 1k which of course I still do not have at my disposal, but could get it in a few days.
I am torn , I don't want to be unkind but she has bought things recently , lots of small things , things that I do not have the spare money to buy.
What can I do ?

Don’t give her any money, for starters. Be sympathetic if you want, but just tell her you don’t have that sort of money to give away.

Don't do it, what if you need the money for some unforeseen expense?

You cannot give what you do not have.

Do not create a debt chain.

Just say no.

Say no it’s all tied up in long term savings. Direct her to HR (pay advance).

There's absolutely no way you should be putting yourself in such a position.

And this will not have been sudden for her and, as she has been spending money in the lead up, she doesn’t appear to have the self discipline needed to pay you back in a timely manner.

You say no! Your username is mother of 5!! You don’t give money to a spendthrift who has put their own home at risk - that’s just enabling foolish spending. It’s highly inappropriate of her to ask a work colleague.

You can’t afford to lose your savings and if she’s in such a financial hole that she’s about to lose her home, you’re unlikely to ever be repaid.

No no no no no. Your responsibility is your family not hers. If she loses her house, that's her doing, not yours.

You don't know what you're dealing with, could be a gambling addiction, drugs, anything. Just don't get involved at all, don't give her so much as a ten pound note.

Should I tell my boss and employer or keep quiet ?

You absolutely must say no. You don’t have the money. She is asking you to steal from yourself for her convenience. This is not your crisis to solve.

Direct her to stepchange or citizens advice.

Kf she is about to lose her house she needs professional help not loans from colleagues. They can help her work out the best path forward.

I would not tell your boss. That is for her to do, if she wants.

Tell your boss. She may be borrowing money from lots of colleagues.. She may be guilt-tripping vulnerable people into loaning money they can’t afford to lend her and she won’t be able to afford to pay back. This is potentially fraud. She is obviously living outside of her means and needs to sort herself out.

I would tell your boss that she’s pressuring people to lend her a large amount of money, yes, because that is inappropriate conduct in the workplace. I wouldn’t tell your boss from the point of view of trying to get her any help. I would tell them from the point of view of trying to put a stop to this before she puts pressure on somebody vulnerable with some savings. It’s really not on and most adults know this.

Make a note and move on.

However, if she becomes a problem for you with repeated requests or uncalled for remarks, then you could consider involving hr to tell her to pull her head in.

But make notes.

Absolutely not. This is a tale as old as time.

You won't see that money again. Say no.None of your business.

I woulfd signpost to step change and citizens advice are you able to dirrect her to any financial welbeing resources or charities through work. Oi would be inclined to put it all in an email starting with you areunable to loan her the 3 k she’s requested but here are services who may support. That way you have evidence of the request should it be needed.

How about: "I'm so sorry, but I don't have that kind of money available. Let me know if you get near your goal, and maybe I can LOAN you L200-L300, if that would help."

Don't do it. Just say you don't have that kind of money available to you. You might not get the money back.

Do not lend her money.

I'm inclined to say keep quiet about it at work unless she's harrassing you, but there was a situation in my former workplace where one coworker quietly asked colleagues for loans of much smaller sums - typically £20 to £50 but sometimes £100 - always tearfully, needed for some very serious reason, unsure when he could pay it back, "please don't tell anyone, I'm so embarrassed - you're the only one I can ask..." One day, he was fired for cause and escorted off the premises and we were all advised not to speak to him if he contacted us as there was some criminal activity going on and it was believed he might be dangerous. At this point, dozens of people - including a few high-level managers - spoke up and said the man owed them money. He'd apparently told everybody almost the exact same story, and literally everyone kept his secret until he left.

If you think she's sincere, though, perhaps suggest she speak with her manager or HR - depending on where you are and how the company operates, there may be a way she could get some relief through the company (loan, pay advance, borrowing against pension, etc.) or at least some advice.

For her to suddenly need £3k or she's going to lose her home means a lot has already happened, and £3k is not going to be a long term solution.

@Motheroffive999 Does your company have an Employee Assistance Plan? Chances are, there is free professional advice available to her about this situation and she should start there. There's not even any point in her asking for advance from HR if she has no plans for how to keep her property after the next payment.

Do you know her really well OP? Is she a friend as well as a colleague (i.e. would you stay in touch with her if you no longer worked together)?

If not (or if she has any access to company finances), I would tell your boss/HR. Say you're worried about her but also about her putting pressure on other colleagues. I understand she may be desperate (though the reality is you have absolutely no idea if she's really in the trouble she says she is, how she got there, and who else she has hit up for money), but coming to you if your only connection is work is massively inappropriate.