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Original poster

My colleague came to me in tears and asked to borrow 3k

462 replies

Motheroffive999 · 18/10/2025 01:36

She will lose her home and has 3 weeks to find it.
I didn't know what to say , I don't have that amount of money , I have some savings but not that much , and I may need it.
Today she asked for 1k which of course I still do not have at my disposal, but could get it in a few days.
I am torn , I don't want to be unkind but she has bought things recently , lots of small things , things that I do not have the spare money to buy.
What can I do ?

OP posts:
user1492757084 · 18/10/2025 06:53

Say NO to giving her money but do pass on telephone numbers and contacts for budget help charities (some church charities offer very good budgeting help) and also suggest that she contacts her bank to learn of financial help available.

Tell her to sell all she can on-line or at markets and at garage sale, take up mowing lawns on the weekend, renting out a room of their home and taking on bar work some evenings (Does she have her RSA) etc.

newbie202020 · 18/10/2025 06:53

It's a breach of policy at my firm to lend to colleagues and am aware of at least one person who was fired for doing so. However irrespective of there being a policy, just don't lend if you don't want to. Sounds like you don't have £3k to lose in any event.

Ratafia · 18/10/2025 06:53

By far the kindest thing you can do is refer her to debt advisers ike Stepchange. She really needs to get her finances sorted out properly

Blondeshavemorefun · 18/10/2025 06:58

£3k won’t save her house

listen
sympathise
dont ever give any money even £30

Matronic6 · 18/10/2025 06:58

The fact you told her no as you didn't even have the money yet came back and asked for less is very telling. At 5 months you absolutely do not know this woman well enough for her to even ask for money.
Do not feel guilty for saying no as she didn't feel guilty asking you again when you clearly can't afford to.

Afterthesun · 18/10/2025 07:01

At my workplace I would definitely tell the boss. We have had a member of staff who was struggling and would ask for an advance before pay day but that was small amounts for food. We also had someone who was stealing cash and they lost their job over it.

Also if she is asking you and you have only known her for five months, she is also asking others. Definitely don’t lend her anything.

LillyPJ · 18/10/2025 07:02

Whatever you do, don't lend her any money. You can try to suggest ways she might budget better or point her to sources of help or advice.You can be sympathetic. But do not, ever, lend her any money!

LasVegass · 18/10/2025 07:08

Do not “lend” her any money.

As for telling your boss, I think I would if this might impact your working relationship down the line.

TimeForATerf · 18/10/2025 07:08

Like everyone else, please do not do this, you won’t get it back.

As well as the useful debt help groups quoted above, encourage her to tell her employers who may offer her an advance to be paid back through her salary. 💯 she will do no such thing, and 50% they probably won’t, but it takes the issue away from you.

TheExcitersblowingupmymind · 18/10/2025 07:13

As pp have said NO I haven't got spare money please don't ask again.
I guarantee you wouldn't see any money back.

Channellingsophistication · 18/10/2025 07:13

Definitely dont lend the money. Presumably she must have asked friends and family who've said no if she's asking a colleague she has known 5 months..?

Offer sympathy and signpost to step change as said above but no money. Its very kind of you to consider it.

Namechangehitting · 18/10/2025 07:14

Absolutely don’t do it.

At my work, a lady once leant a colleague some of her retirement fund, his wife had died and he couldn’t pay for her funeral apparently. Turns out it was all a scam, he had an ex wife who was definitely still alive and he was now gay!

He disappeared pretty quickly after and she never got her money back.

CarrierbagsAndPJs · 18/10/2025 07:15

Motheroffive999 · 18/10/2025 01:46

Should I tell my boss and employer or keep quiet ?

Tell her to speak to the boss. There may be a hardship fund and theyll be more likely to get the money back.

iOr she should go to the bank. If she cannot get a loan from the bank for £3k, you will never get it back.

The thing with people who ask for loans is, they dont have enough money. So she cannot pay it back You wont see it again. If she is £3k down, she is in a mess.

Tablesandchairs23 · 18/10/2025 07:15

Motheroffive999 · 18/10/2025 01:46

Should I tell my boss and employer or keep quiet ?

No its a personal matter. Signpost her citizens advice. You can help her find a solution. Don't give her your money.

CatchTheWind4146 · 18/10/2025 07:19

A very close friend or a family member, I'd do it. But a colleague, I wouldn't. It's also inappropriate for your colleague to have asked in the first place.

Katrinawaves · 18/10/2025 07:19

As @Motheroffive999 is the victim of a highly inappropriate request from a work colleague, it absolutely is her place to make a complaint about this to her employer and by doing so so she may protect more vulnerable colleagues who are also asked from losing substantial sums of money and protect the company from potential fraud.

Unfortunately as others have already pointed out on this thread, this is a very common scam. It’s also gross misconduct at work. No employer is going to want their employees subjected to it and it doesn’t actually matter whether so far it’s only @Motheroffive999 who’s been targeted or whether she’s one in a line. It will definitely happen again and the sooner the employer can nip it in the bud the better for all.

BunnyRuddington · 18/10/2025 07:21

Agree that the bank won’t lend it to her because they’ve done checks and she’s not likely to pay it back. You’ll never see the money again and very likely her too.

If you want to give money away, look for a charity to support.

And don’t feel awkward around her, you simply don’t have £3k lying around to give to people you hardly know.

If she mentions it again, say you’re sorry she’s losing her house, she could talk to Shelter England or CAB for advice but you can’t help.

The other thing to remember is that the Court process can be very long, often many months. She may have already have had a Possession Order against her home before you even met her.

*edited because of typos

autienotnaughty · 18/10/2025 07:21

Say no you don’t have anything spare. Firstly it could be a con - why was 3k needed then 1k suddenly enough? And secondly if she can’t afford to pay the mortgage she can’t afford to pay you. Cab you seriously afford to lose the money? As others have said advice her to speak to hr about an advance and citizen advice.

Thisbastardcomputer · 18/10/2025 07:25

Someone who worked with me, asked for redundancy but immediate redundancy so the credit card insurance would kick in. That’s not how it worked, l went to HR and handed it over to them.

They got to the bottom of the problem and helped her restructure her debts.

Next round of redundancies this particular colleague was chosen to go, l must add the redundancy decisions were the management above me. She did not take this well and was going to beat me up, l was on leave when she found out. She was put on garden leave and l never saw her again.

No good deed goes unpunished.

mamagogo1 · 18/10/2025 07:26

Tell her to speak to step change or Christians against poverty - they can help negotiate with the lender, though from the amount I suspect it may beyond the point she can actually prevent it. Your employer may be able to help but it’s a risk as you would be breaking confidentiality talking to them and if they won’t help ….

MyDeftDuck · 18/10/2025 07:29

Do NOT lend what you can’t afford to lose! And yes, refer this to management….she should not be touting to borrow money amongst her work colleagues, there are banks etc for loans.

Peachee · 18/10/2025 07:34

I wouldn’t give her the money and I would tell your boss so that your workplace can support her.

User56785 · 18/10/2025 07:35

I can hardly believe that you feel this way about someone you have only known a few months. Her debt is nothing to do with you at all. If she loses her house then she loses her house. You giving her three grand you don’t have isn’t going to save her. She’s obviously in big debt.

I’d have empathy, I’d feel sad for her but I wouldn’t feel in any way that this was a problem that I had to fix. She’s a woman who you have known for a few months.

LadyMacbethssweetArabianhand · 18/10/2025 07:37

Adding to the general advice, definitely don't lend her anything. You don't actually know that her story is true and you haven't known her for long. Some of the 'loveliest' people are the biggest scammers, otherwise people wouldn't give them money. I think she's at it.

AutumnDayswhen · 18/10/2025 07:38

Employers can sometimes advance money, tell her to speak to them

I also would tell your boss. I would want to know it this way happening in my team. Its deeply inappropriate for someone to be asked like this.

You can refer her to step change or citizens advice.

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