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Original poster

My colleague came to me in tears and asked to borrow 3k

462 replies

Motheroffive999 · 18/10/2025 01:36

She will lose her home and has 3 weeks to find it.
I didn't know what to say , I don't have that amount of money , I have some savings but not that much , and I may need it.
Today she asked for 1k which of course I still do not have at my disposal, but could get it in a few days.
I am torn , I don't want to be unkind but she has bought things recently , lots of small things , things that I do not have the spare money to buy.
What can I do ?

OP posts:
shuffleofftobuffalo · 18/10/2025 07:56

It goes without saying that you should not even consider lending her a penny.

I think you should tell your boss actually. She’s very new and it’s not acceptable in the workplace to be asking people for money like that. Coming back with a lower offer is a red flag. It’s a classic scammer behaviour to put some kind of urgency behind it - she’s going to lose her home - and I’d suggest she’s asking you because she’s sensed you're a likely mark for her to make some quick money off.

I also think you should reflect on why you’re even considering it, why you’d even think about effectively lending a complete stranger money that would put you in a more precarious situation financially.

SharonEllis · 18/10/2025 08:00

You can tell your boss without it being an official report. I did this once with an issue of sexual harassment. I didn't personally want to take it further to a disciplinary stage because the person concerned was vulnerable but I knew it needed to be recorded at that stage, in case it turned out he was hassling others, or the situation with me escalated.

So you can tell the boss for information without asking that they take any action at this stage. They can then decide if the woman needs appropriate support or may join the dots and spot something else is going on.

SL2924 · 18/10/2025 08:01

Sensible rule of thumb is not to give away anything that you aren’t prepared to lose

goingtotown · 18/10/2025 08:02

It’s her problem not yours. Don't fall for the sob story.

Beesandhoney123 · 18/10/2025 08:05

I would think this lady is pretending to be your friend, don't give her any money. Infact, tell her you rent your house, have no savings and massive debt. Even if you don't.

If its too late, and you've told her things because you like her and its chatting, then say you don't have any money, you owe money to your family. You don't have to give details.

Ask her to talk to boss/ hr, then privately you must, if only to highlight her distress and how its affecting your work life.

If you lend this woman any money you will never see it again. Don't do it. She doesn't need it - Christmas is coming and she has plans you can pay for.

AtomHeartMotherOfGod · 18/10/2025 08:08

Don't give her any money. Tears can dry up very quickly and give way to pushy demands when someone realises they've caught a willing victim.

£3k will be a sticking plaster over whatever the real problem is (@noonecaresanymore is completely right) and it could escalate.

Caveat: if you are really torn, draw up a watertight loan agreement for her to sign, and be really clear that if she won't be able to repay in X months, she shouldn't sign, or she'll be risking court fees and bankruptcy. Don't be afraid to call her out about the 'small spends' if she protests - say you don't think her head is in the right place and you can't lose that money so you have to protect yourself.

ThisMellowCat · 18/10/2025 08:10

If she hasn’t got it now how is she getting it to pay you back, and if she can get it let her.
its not on you to fund someone’s lifestyle.
if you give it to her, you know its then a gift, you will never see it again.

ArtichokesBloom · 18/10/2025 08:13

I'm a boss and I'd want to know if a team member was asking other staff for large sums of money (or any sum tbh) Workmates are not a personal bank.

You are not the only person she may ask. She will probably pick people vulnerable to her "need" and that usually means people who are kind hearted or have themselves experienced financial stress so they empathise. As a boss I'd want to protect those people and I'd kindly signpost the pleader to appropriate places for financial advice

You'll never get your money back. I'll pay you back ......This is the oldest line in the book.

starsintheirears · 18/10/2025 08:14

Caveat: if you are really torn, draw up a watertight loan agreement for her to sign, and be really clear that if she won't be able to repay in X months, she shouldn't sign, or she'll be risking court fees and bankruptcy. Don't be afraid to call her out about the 'small spends' if she protests - say you don't think her head is in the right place and you can't lose that money so you have to protect yourself

For the love of God, do NOT do this. A legal contract is useless if she goes bankrupt, moves away and you cant find her, or if she just ignores it.

My friend had a legal contract drawn up for a loan with someone, it was not repaid and it ended up in small claims court. The person never showed up for the hearing, my friend "won" the case but they still havent got the money back because to take it beyond small claims and into further legal courts costs thousands. Plus, if this person goes bankrupt your legal contract means nothing.

jumpingthehighjump · 18/10/2025 08:14

Motheroffive999 · 18/10/2025 02:40

I have only known her for about 5 months.
She is lovely and older like myself , she doesn't have children , just her and her partner.
We are the only two oldies in our office

Show quote history

Are you honestly considering lending someone a lot of money who you have only known for five months because she is a similar age to you.

Why would you even contemplate this?

LancashireButterPie · 18/10/2025 08:15

I would not lend money to anyone except close family. I've been asked to lend money to friends several times. Most memorably by a school mum who wanted £10k to pay the shortfall on her entrance fee to Australia. Another friend did lend this and never got it back because hey, the scoundrel lives on another continent now.

Don't do it OP. Give her phone numbers or links for citizens advice, step change, local food bank and any local credit unions.

Zuve · 18/10/2025 08:17

You will never get the money back. Money and friends don't mix. Support her, yes, but send her off to her bank for a loan

Throwntothewolves · 18/10/2025 08:21

Obviously you say no. You can't afford it and she clearly can't afford to pay anyone back.
I'd take what she's saying with a pinch of salt. The very fact that she's given such an extreme reason for 'needing' the money makes me doubtful it's true. Also asking a colleague indicates she's not being truthful. Something else is going on, do not get involved.
Hear it as 'I want you to give me £3k and I'm going to use manipulation tactics to get you to'. Does that change how you feel?

Mumtobabyhavoc · 18/10/2025 08:25

jumpingthehighjump · 18/10/2025 08:14

Are you honestly considering lending someone a lot of money who you have only known for five months because she is a similar age to you.

Why would you even contemplate this?

Show quote history

And why would the work mate feel it ok to even ask OP? Very odd...

Lougle · 18/10/2025 08:29

@Motheroffive999 You need to say that you don't have that money to lend. You also need to tell your boss that your colleague has asked for a large sum of money and that you're concerned about her. They have a duty of care and you have no idea what the backstory is.

If something terrible happened and it came out that you (and possibly half the office) knew she was in trouble but said nothing, it would feel terrible. At least by telling your boss you have done everything sensible in your power to help.

Shutuptrevor · 18/10/2025 08:31

Absolutely not, you will never see it again.

Just tell her you’re so sorry but you can’t spare it.

BunnyRuddington · 18/10/2025 08:35

AtomHeartMotherOfGod · 18/10/2025 08:08

Don't give her any money. Tears can dry up very quickly and give way to pushy demands when someone realises they've caught a willing victim.

£3k will be a sticking plaster over whatever the real problem is (@noonecaresanymore is completely right) and it could escalate.

Caveat: if you are really torn, draw up a watertight loan agreement for her to sign, and be really clear that if she won't be able to repay in X months, she shouldn't sign, or she'll be risking court fees and bankruptcy. Don't be afraid to call her out about the 'small spends' if she protests - say you don't think her head is in the right place and you can't lose that money so you have to protect yourself.

Another saying the easiest way to deal with this is to not give her the money.

You don’t need a watertight agreement because you’re not going to give her anything, right @Motheroffive999? Smile

Applying to make someone bankrupt is much more expensive than it used to be and if she doesn’t own any assets, like a hike with equity, I’m mor sure why the OP would want to go down that path anyway.

As another PP stated, you’d have to know her name and where she lived if you were going to even take her to the Small Claims Court and a successful case still doesn’t automatically mean that you’d get your money back.

LillyPJ · 18/10/2025 08:35

AtomHeartMotherOfGod · 18/10/2025 08:08

Don't give her any money. Tears can dry up very quickly and give way to pushy demands when someone realises they've caught a willing victim.

£3k will be a sticking plaster over whatever the real problem is (@noonecaresanymore is completely right) and it could escalate.

Caveat: if you are really torn, draw up a watertight loan agreement for her to sign, and be really clear that if she won't be able to repay in X months, she shouldn't sign, or she'll be risking court fees and bankruptcy. Don't be afraid to call her out about the 'small spends' if she protests - say you don't think her head is in the right place and you can't lose that money so you have to protect yourself.

Don't resort to a 'watertight' contract. You will still find it impossible to get money back and you will end up paying court fees and bailiffs to no avail.

TheBeaTgoeson1 · 18/10/2025 08:35

Not sure what her not having kids has to do with it…

but yes don’t give her the money, and if she asked again after saying no politely ask her to stop asking!

1one · 18/10/2025 08:36

Unless this was a family member in need or a very good friend - plus I would need to have the cash spare (as in be prepared to never get it back), I would not lend the money.

As the saying goes: never a borrower or lender be.

Coffeetime25 · 18/10/2025 08:36

she needs to speak to your boss and hr also shelter and citizens advice
do not give her any money

MrsPositivity1 · 18/10/2025 08:36

Noooo please don’t do this. It won’t end well .

ManchesterGirl2 · 18/10/2025 08:40

No don't do it. I'd only do this for someone I was really close to, where the cause was very clearly not their own poor choices, and/or if I would be okay with never seeing the money back.

Coffeetime25 · 18/10/2025 08:42

Motheroffive999 · 18/10/2025 01:46

Should I tell my boss and employer or keep quiet ?

yes you need to tell your boss she is not your responsibility and you have your job your home and your kids to think about before you give her any money as yourself which is more important to you her family or your family if answer is her family go ahead if answer is your family speak to boss and don't give her the money

PolkaDotPorridge · 18/10/2025 08:42

Motheroffive999 · 18/10/2025 01:46

Should I tell my boss and employer or keep quiet ?

I would report her. Do not give her any money. This is awful of her to do this to you!