Really struggling with anxiety. Not sure how to cope.

[Monzo235]

I’m 29M. Currently I live in London and have done. For the last 2 years.

I live with 2 housemates. One of them is great. The other is really difficult. At the end of the year the one I like is probably moving in with his partner and I don’t want to live just with the other guy. I can’t afford to live on my own in London. I don’t want to live with random housemates anymore. So not sure what to do. I don’t know where I’ll live and likely have to move back home with my parents.

My job is going terribly. I work for Deloitte and my team has no work. I haven’t been on a project in months. I don’t think my team like me that much. Management is awful. And im worried if im on the bench much longer they’ll boot me out.

I’ve also been dating someone for 3 months. It’s going really well. We’ve got really close. And she really likes me. I like her a lot too. But she’s 36. Almost 8 years older than me. And I’m worried this situation is going to steal my chance at having biological kids. I’m starting to feel I’m in too deep to get out, even if I don’t really want out right now. She doesn’t talk about the future and just tells me to leave if I don’t think it’ll work out. Or stay and be with her properly.

I don’t know what to do. I’m really struggling.

You need lots and lots of therapy OP, as you were told from your first thread. Your hyper-fixation on a woman’s fertility after 3 months is not “perfectly reasonable”, she’s not a fucking incubator.

And I notice no comment on your sperm analysis so actually despite your fixation on her fertility you actually haven’t even checked your own.

You are not happy in your home or job so now is the time to look for a new job and to look outside of London.

You have tried London and even with a "big job" you can't afford to get your own place.
If you leave London you will be able to afford your own place on a much more ordinary wage. There is no need to move back in with your parents unless you want to in order to save a deposit to buy your own place. Look for the job first and move when you have one.

If you were mad about your girlfriend and she was right for you then you wouldn't have all these concerns about your relationship. You have said if you leave London then she would likely finish it. That doesn't sound like she us head over heels either does it? If she loved you and wanted you to be the father of her children then you would be moving in together whether that was in London or outside it. The cost of London rents and London childcare will make affording a family life there very difficult.

Re the anxiety get exercising - preferably outside - run/speed walk through one of London's parks or if not hit the gym. You will feel a lot better for burning off those stress hormones and releasing endorphins.

It’s a hyper fixation because it’s a real issue

Your sperm analysis results back yet?

To be honest, she doesn't sound that into you. She's saying take it or leave it and is well laid back about that.

If I were here your going on and on about this issue would put me right off you.
Especially after three months.

Your anxiety would be a lot less if you didn't want all the answers to life up front.
You don't know if you can have children.
You don't know if the next three women you date will want or be able to have children.
Do you even know why children are more important to you than the person you have a relationship with?

Life isn't a spreadsheet, even if Deloitte think it is.