Regret seeing my co workers Teams Message

[Winebath85]

I have been in my new job since Dec 24, all fine, small team and they are all ok, I thought.

I accidentally saw a team message between my co worker and her husband, he is external to our company.

She was telling him details of me, my family, my ex husband ( all not great things)and she thinks I’m strange as I don’t get involved in much conversation. I am quiet, im a really nervous person but now I’m worse!

It’s not a big deal to many but it’s really opened my eyes, i feel uncomfortable, I no longer want to be involved with her, there was some really hurtful, unnecessary and uncomfortable comments.

She was saying there is an awkward atmosphere, well sorry but I’m not surprised after what I saw. Do I approach this at all, it’s just such a small team and I’m now really paranoid of every move I make and so nervous I’m not speaking.

It's she's talking about your kids details then I'd defo be reporting as that's just not on op

I would absolutely want to know if one of my team was feeling the way they do because of others behaviour. This other person needs pulling up and to quite frankly get a life. OP dont let one person ruin this for you. You need to make your manager aware of this

I like the suggestion that OP approaches it as wanting to support team working.

From observed experience, looking at this from the manager's perspective - at the moment, the OP is the problem because the manager knows no better. All they have noticed is the change and don't know why; I don't know how unsettled the rest of the team are.

So the best course of action might be for the OP to talk to her manager on those lines and isn't just potentially viewed as "moody" and a negative influence. The Teams messenger at the moment is squeaky clean and might say, if challenged, she was helping her colleague by showing her the presentation and that she took advantage to snoop....... (I've met people like this). They aren't the problem and manipulate it to be that the other person is. She will certainly do this if OP addresses her directly and OP will come off worse, without a doubt.

OP, where did you work before this? Was it a similar set up/office? What attracted you to working there, and do you know why you feel nervous? Is there something you need to disclose to your manager/HR?

Teams messages are not always backed up and accessible remotely. It depends on your organisation’s backup & retention policy.

We had a similar issue at work - the person being bitched about (A) had stopped by the bitcher’s (B) desk but B was not there and had not locked her screen. A saw the message, took a screenshot & sent it to herself. Which was just as well because when A did complain to HR and to her manager, B had deleted the messages and they were not recoverable. B got a written warning but she did it a 2nd time (not sure how the messages were proven this time) and this time B was fired.

You should definitely speak to your manager - if only to explain why you are more withdrawn than usual.

Chin up!

As he’s noticed a change, I’d bring this up with him - even just as partial explanation (if you don’t want to go full ‘HR investigation’ route).

I had something similar years ago, when I was hired to take over the role of someone who was leaving. After she left I inherited her email account (with an updated address), and shortly afterwards went through to clear out anything from the inbox/sent items that I didn’t need to hang on to. There was an email thread between her and five other women in the office that had been running for days, with all of them slagging me off (nothing about work or ability - all very personal stuff) and it really upset me. Like you, I was quite quiet at that point, and I was also pretty shy too.

I spoke to my manager because I felt this could cause a difficult atmosphere, and because I was suddenly uncomfortable about aspects of my job (hard to talk comfortably on the phone when you know there’s a group of asshats giggling about your very minor speech impediment, for example).

I didn’t want an investigation or HR involvement, but a reminder was sent round about appropriate use of office equipment, and it was reiterated that IT could see the content of emails at work if there were any suspicions about somebody not following this policy. I suspect they knew - two of the women became quite friendly after that.

Of course it’s normal to not get on with all of your colleagues. It’s immature and bloody stupid to gossip about them where the colleague in question could see or hear it, though.

Well yes exactly this and not to anyone where it’s likely to get back to them either. Absolutely feckless and reckless to do this and leave it where everyone can see including the op.

Some HR departments absolutely do take these things seriously. The OP has a right to work in a professional environment. It might ultimately be dealt with as an informal conversation but as a manager I would want to know about it. Speak to your manager OP

@popdepop I meant senior management, nothing wrong with speaking to her line manager but what's the outcome going to be? The manager will have a word with the person to be more careful/professional etc and that's it. There will not be an internal investigation pulling up months of personal team's messages.

@Imnotgonnamiss is right, nuance is lacking.

However, the data remains the property of your employer, they have the right to access it, and they may share liability for serious infractions. I am amazed at the number of people who still use a work account as personal instead of a separate one of their own. Sometimes quite senior or highly-qualified people.

A lot depends on senior management & the culture. I have no issue with personal stuff on work platforms because that's the culture. No one is going to pull me up on it because everyone does it & yes i'm in a union.
I don't tend to bitch there though, best not to have a paper trail.

Culture can change, and would be irrelevant anyway in the extreme case of ending up in court. It surprises me how much personal data people voluntarily give their employer.

What a load of tosh.

if one of my team displayed a change in behaviour and told me it was because they’d seen derogatory messages about themselves on a teams chat I’d be reminding the WHOLE TEAM at the next team meeting that work devices are not to be used for personal or private conversations, that nothing should be written down that they wouldn’t be prepared to say out loud and that I will not tolerate any form of negative or “othering” behaviour.

it would absolutely not be a reflection of the person who came to me but I would expect all of them to behave with professionalism going forward.

You should as soon as possible report this woman. I suspect she has probably done this before as it would appear to have done freely. I am well aware of small teams and the way that they react to new staff members but every one is equal.

I would stand up to this woman and if she has breached company policy which I am sure she has then she will have to face the consequences despite what the pack mentality state if it exists, which from your comments it may do.

I know from my experience as a retired Manager in public and private service, how easily these things can spiral out of control unless action is taken quickly.

Good luck OP.

You can do a data access request based around your name. Some HR’s may say no but you can ask them to check her messages they may not discuss the contexts though

Yes you should report it. It’s so unnecessary and unprofessional.

i found messages on a colleagues Blackbury to my line manager years ago. Proper slagging me off. I was new and had been there for about a week.

i reported it. They kept their jobs though. It was a private company so didn’t have much back up.

sorry you’re experiencing the same

Yes you should report it. It’s so unnecessary and unprofessional.

i found messages on a colleagues Blackbury to my line manager years ago. Proper slagging me off. I was new and had been there for about a week.

i reported it. They kept their jobs though. It was a private company so didn’t have much back up.

sorry you’re experiencing the same

Well, you're probably not the only one she's been writing about. I'd bet if HR read all her messages there would be chat about most people in the office. I would love to see her squirm if they had a look in to it! Can't imagine her husband being that interested in people he doesn't know, sounds like unrequited,idle gossip. Pity her.

It seems like you’ve seen a private message by accident. they are her feelings and she is entitled to them. I would let it go. I’ve found life a lot easier after listening to Mel robbins podcast on “let them” - it’s a game changer.

Well, for a start, I don't think it was an accident that you saw the message - she probably left it up deliberately. Who leaves messages about other people up on their screens when that person is right by them? This indicates a serious level of unpleasantness. Secondly, can you think to yourself: actually, I dont care what she thinks, or any of the others either. Thirdly, go to HR, or your manager, whatever is appropriate, and say to them that this happened, you saw this and its you believe it impugns you personally and professionally, what is their advice/can be done? Personally i would choose HR if i could - these things are literally part of their job, and they can discuss with your manager if necessary. You don't need to say that you know you shouldn't have read it - reading something in front of you is a learned reflex! Fourthly, stop sharing personal information: Just being polite is fine. Smile politely, good morning and so on. You say that you are afraid of being ostracised, but they seem to be on their way to that already.

Report to HR or manager. This is not acceptable behaviour in the workplace. (Can always check policies - connected with dignity at work/misuse of communication system within work etc) If you take the IT out of the equation and what was written had been put on a poster up in the staffroom, that is the equivalent.
Your colleague is changing the atmosphere in the team not you. You also don't know if she has form for this.

If she left this up on her other screen, wouldn't she have known you would see it? She might have even realized after you walked away that you saw it...

Regardless, it's the fact that your child was mentioned by name that really disturbs me. If it was on Teams, it's the property of the company.

I wouldn't explain your behavior away to your manager based on this incident, as then you risk looking immature and unprofessional, but I would probably report it given the level of detail you saw in her messages, along with the fact that she is using work hours and work resources to complain about you. If she has such a problem with you, maybe she should go to HR...

Sorry you had to experience this.

You have to raise this with her and your manager. This isn't on. I had a similar experience but knew my co worker at the time well enough to address it with him. He said I wasn't good at my job (at the time) and I asked him if that's how he felt and we sorted it. But talking about your family isn't acceptable. You should take some HR advice, have a witness with you and call a meeting for her, your manager and yourself and a witness. Always have a witness for yourself, I've learned from experience never to go into this alone. The messages are likely traceable by your IT department but do not let it go. Please. It has to be tackled. She knows rightly what she has done which is why she is questioning the atmosphere. And going forward she will know you aren't to be messed with and don't take kindly to people talking about your child especially.

Is it normal to send personal messages in work time and on work equipment? I am shocked that this may happen. Perhaps my workplaces have been different to other people's - is this really acceptable?

An audit of what teams calls have been made? Really? Because a long standing member of staff has been slagging off the newbie to her husband?

This is just a huge headache management will not want to get involved in.

The colleague was stupid to leave the conversation open and stupid to type it all out, but everyone is naive to think they don’t get moaned and gossiped about. It’s just unfortunate OP saw it all in black and white.

You have two options OP. Bring it up with your bosses and I imagine the worse thing that will happen is the itchy colleague will get a mild bollocking, but it leaves things awkward between the two of you. Or secondly. Draw a line under it, go careful with the details you tell her and just try and start a fresh.

Does her husband work for your company? The most worrying thing for me is that you spotted both your and your child’s name. Why is she sharing that level of detail with him?

File a formal grievance, in writing. You won’t get access to her messages but higher ups will be able to remote access everything sent via work teams and they can decide where to go from there. I would push this until the end.

Going forward I would stop sharing so many details of your personal life. Colleagues don’t need to know that.

It might not be appropriate, but it's useful. Had she not posted it on teams then she'd be sharing it verbally and you wouldn't know. People do talk about their colleagues to their loved ones.
She's not bad mouthing you at all. She's said she finds the atmosphere tense and you are reserved. These are objective judgements, she's not calling you a fucking bitch or accusing you of some crime.

You could lighten up and not take these comments so personally by initiating some conversation.

How bizarre and destructive if you follow the advice of cutting her off for being gossipy. It's very vanilla and descriptive stuff. She finds you closed. If you then shun her for that comment, all you're doing is proving her right!