Regret seeing my co workers Teams Message

[Winebath85]

I have been in my new job since Dec 24, all fine, small team and they are all ok, I thought.

I accidentally saw a team message between my co worker and her husband, he is external to our company.

She was telling him details of me, my family, my ex husband ( all not great things)and she thinks I’m strange as I don’t get involved in much conversation. I am quiet, im a really nervous person but now I’m worse!

It’s not a big deal to many but it’s really opened my eyes, i feel uncomfortable, I no longer want to be involved with her, there was some really hurtful, unnecessary and uncomfortable comments.

She was saying there is an awkward atmosphere, well sorry but I’m not surprised after what I saw. Do I approach this at all, it’s just such a small team and I’m now really paranoid of every move I make and so nervous I’m not speaking.

I would do this in writing to the head of the team / company you must complain - mentoring / support and encouragement is not slaying someone off behind their back. If you don’t report it - it will come back to bite you.

A mentor should have your back otherwise how do you stand your chance. If they have an issue they should raise it through the appropriate channels, it's just so unprofessional and undermining.

You won't be given a copy of her Teams messages I wouldn't have thought. Are you in a union?

You wouldn't be, but HR could be as part of an investigation. However, HR wouldn't be interested at this point. The first question would most likely be "what have you done to resolve this so far?" and if you haven't already tried discussing it with her and then her manager, they won't do more than suggest you do that.

If it were me, I'd probably go to my manager (do you gave the same manager?) to say you would like to do something to Foster better team working, and then say why. I'd probably also ask about using Teams for personal, external messages; I think she's a bit daft to be bitching about work colleagues on work channels; in worst case scenarios, such threads can be used as evidence. I've had to go through logs etc as a sys admin to provide evidence for an HR investigation- it's not fun. Don't put yourselves or your te hues in the position of having to do this. Use non-work channels for gossip and bitching if you must do it.

Did she leave it in the other screen to undermine you? Surely she knew you read it?

I will speak to someone just to ensure that they get the messages if they want them if there’s a time limit on them.

The manager is the obvious one. I have worked in places where the manager has been incredibly frustrated with someone but no one would have known. So this may be a pattern of behaviour you are not aware has happened to others.

It’s a normal thing to be upset about. Your manager has noticed you are upset. Have a quick chat with them so they are aware.

Along the lines of ‘you noticed I was upset yesterday. Catty called me over to her screens. On one was the presentation, on the other a teams conversation to her husband which was uncomplimentary about me, my husband and my children. This was in full view and very noticeable. It was an unpleasant situation and it is awkward as I don’t know if she wanted me to see the conversation or realises I have read it. I was debating how to address this professionally.’

Also be aware she might be on this thread.

Talk to HR. They can order a confidential review of her messaging.

If she is that gossipy there will be loads of other inappropriate stuff probably.

Its bullying.

@Franpie yep

This is inappropriate behaviour by her and constitutes workplace bullying (even if it was unintentional). You need to report this to your manager. It’s not your job to provide evidence, it’s their responsibility to investigate it and ensure it stops!

I also shock horror email my husband & friends from my work email, again very normal in my world. And sometimes not even on my lunch break.

Please report this. She has even dragged your child into this .

Don’t talk to her about it. She will be all fake with you. Fact she even talked about your child, she has that kind of personality, she won’t realise anything. Report her to HR. She should know better.

Victim blaming

We all bitch about work/colleagues with our other halves.

Do it at home. Not in working hour and away from ear / eyeshot of your victim .

She was telling him details of me, my family, my ex husband ( all not great things)and she thinks I’m strange as I don’t get involved in much conversation.

So OP shared some details of her family with new colleagues. One of colleagues shared these details with her husband and added a comment that she finds OP strange. Did she twist those details? used bad language? or did OP share some not so nice facts about own life but now doesn't want them to spread?

OP will now report her colleague, said colleague will get reprimanded for using work channels. Assuming that she repeated the info which OP shared voluntarily, apart from using word "strange" there is not much of grievance.

Will anyone in the team do an inch more for OP then "legally" required after this, will anyone support her in any shape or form? how long will OP last in this role?

Using company provided equipment for personal matters would be my starting point, from an IT management POV. Starting with an audit of what Teams calls have been made.

DARVO?

OP, join a union, tell your manager (without fuss or drama). Make sure it ends up in writing at some point.

This. She is a bullying Cunt. She needs reporting

Why is everyone assuming that you can’t use work emails or work Teams log in for personal use??

I have never worked anywhere that was strict with that. It’s completely normal for a lot of office based employees. Employers these days recognise that employees have lives outside of work. That you can make calls or receive calls from your DH. That you can send and receive emails or messages with family or friends. It wouldn’t occur to me to reprimand any employee for sending an email or message from a work server to their husband of a personal nature.

No and I suggest you don’t push to either.

Yes there’s usually a personal use policy though.

What's your manager like? A good manager would do their best to make sure that you weren't sidelined after this.
I'm a manager with a close knit team. If someone in my team who I usually got on with well was talking about another team member like this, I'd be very unhappy. I'd be having a discussion with them about professionalism and then paying a lot closer attention to the team and making sure they weren't sidelining the new person after.

I would suggest you go to your manager, and say that you’re aware that there’s a bit of an atmosphere. Describe what you saw and say that you’re feeling very awkward and uncomfortable about it, especially around this person, but also because you don’t know who else is involved.

That’s honest, straightforward, and it acknowledges your contribution to the bad atmosphere but gives it context.

You don’t to make complaints or do anything more formal right now. But you’ll have laid ground work that makes it very, very foolish for them to push you out.

And for all you know, she could be a massive problem. I’ve known people like this, who cause so much havoc or morale problems but no one complains. You actually could be giving a manager leverage.

I feel like people jump all over this stuff on mumsnet without any nuance. I think to some extent it’s important to be a bit clearer on what’s actually happened before you can give someone good guidance

Saying you find someone’s behaviour strange doesn’t seem a terrible thing to me and honestly nothing else the OP mentioned is really clear

I don’t think it’s professional but some of the responses seem super OTT.

However, the data remains the property of your employer, they have the right to access it, and they may share liability for serious infractions. I am amazed at the number of people who still use a work account as personal instead of a separate one of their own. Sometimes quite senior or highly-qualified people.

Most companies are fine with personal use within reason. Stuff like, "going to be late home, do I need to pick up milk?" Fine. Bitching and gossiping about colleagues, less fine.

Yes this seems balanced. Going in and raising a grievance not so much.