Regret seeing my co workers Teams Message

[Winebath85]

I have been in my new job since Dec 24, all fine, small team and they are all ok, I thought.

I accidentally saw a team message between my co worker and her husband, he is external to our company.

She was telling him details of me, my family, my ex husband ( all not great things)and she thinks I’m strange as I don’t get involved in much conversation. I am quiet, im a really nervous person but now I’m worse!

It’s not a big deal to many but it’s really opened my eyes, i feel uncomfortable, I no longer want to be involved with her, there was some really hurtful, unnecessary and uncomfortable comments.

She was saying there is an awkward atmosphere, well sorry but I’m not surprised after what I saw. Do I approach this at all, it’s just such a small team and I’m now really paranoid of every move I make and so nervous I’m not speaking.

She is being incredibly unprofessional. We are told never to put anything in writing (including chat) that we wouldn’t be comfortable being read out in court. I would be furious if anyone was talking about my children or husband like that, why on earth is her husband interested in the details of her coworkers’ personal lives??

I wouldn’t talk to her directly as you now know that she is the type to use things against you. Definitely raise it with your manager, it has made you uncomfortable (rightly) and maybe she has a track record of this kind of shit.

Are you able to get a screenshot?

I would report her. IT should be able to retrieve the messages.

She is wasting work time talking about personal stuff with her husband on a work managed application so for that alone I would report her. The fact she is gossiping about a colleague really just makes it even worse for her but go with the facts when you report her first - she is not doing her full job while wasting time gossiping during work hours.

You can't request to see but HR can check them

Teams messages can be retrieved within certain time limits I believe.

How horrible OP, what a miserable and pathetic colleague! She is clearly bored in her role or doesn’t have enough work on because I certainly wouldn’t have enough time to sit on teams gossiping about my colleagues. And to her husband!!! Honestly - I don’t understand people!

I would just go straight to your manager and let them handle it. They need to be aware of what is going on. Keep your wits about you and don’t discuss your private life with colleagues any further. And there is nothing wrong with being quiet, that doesn’t make you strange! She is just an unhappy person.

If HR do request, would i be within my rights to know what the messages have been about me or would they not discuss this?

I do want to go to my Manager but I do t want to be ostracised any further, which I suspect I will be. It’s such a small group, it would be awkward.

This. I'd report the bitch.

Probably not

She sounds like a nasty cow. If it's a small team I'd say you have two options: report or start looking to leave the job. Letting it go will mean you're walking on eggshells wondering what's being said behind your back and is no way to work.

You won't be given a copy of her Teams messages I wouldn't have thought. Are you in a union?

I agree. People talk about each other. It doesn’t actually matter.

For what?

I agree with this.

If she is a long-standing, valued employee and hasn’t been unpleasant to you (aside from the private messages you accidentally saw) then I wouldn’t raise it with anyone.

We all bitch about work/colleagues with our other halves. Yes, she probably shouldn’t have done it on the work server but it was a private message and not for the world to see. It was also not to any coworkers. It’s not all that different to her sending WhatsApp’s to her DH bitching about you.

I don’t think any good will come from you making a fuss. You need to think about what you want the end result to be.

I think that as your manager has noticed a change in you, you should explain the situation to them and tell them how upset and wary it’s made you. You can’t just leave this.

I wouldn't take this to HR personally, colleagues do talk about other colleagues particularly when new and trying to figure you out.

If she tells her manager that she can no longer maintain her composure because she saw a message about herd self, she’s going to come across as very unprofessional and lacking resilience, not a good look in a team member.

This. I would report this in a heartbeat. It is frankly nasty behaviour and on a teams call too. She needs consequences and the benefit is that she will understand why you are wary of her.

Where do people work that they think HR & management want to get caught up in something so trivial?

Colleagues don't have to like each other but as long as they are professional & cordial it's fine. I think some of my colleagues are dicks, In sure some would say that about me. Doesn't mean we aren't good at our jobs.

@Winebath85 I would dig in, be yourself, do your job well and ignore. She may completely change her mind. I didn't like one of my colleagues at all, now we are friends outside of work.

So should she just ignore the whole thing then and try and pretend that nothing has happened? The colleague can talk to her husband about whatever she likes but she’s the one that’s been unprofessional by using Teams to bad mouth a colleague.

I agree. Don't share your personal details if you don't want people to gossip. You're acting like a school girl, not an adult. Ignore and act professionally.

Absolutely. If one of my team came to report this to me then I’d have a quiet word with the other person about being careful with what can be seen on her screen and leave it there.

There most certainly would not be a full blown investigation, pulling IT records etc. what a ridiculous overreaction and waste of time that would be. We have a business to run.

God do you work in the same place as me. My manager called me private because I don't spill my sodding guts out. It's creepy.

This sounds like such a 1950s view.

Her manager has already noticed a change in her. If she tells her manager that nothing is wrong, then she will simply be written off for being a low performer as no valid reason for her changed behaviour. If her performance starts to slack cause she’s being targeted at work for bullying, then it’s in her best interests to tell work what’s going on.

As a manager you can’t just sack people cause they lack resilience, generally you have to find tactics to improve morale and resilience. Especially once people have 2+ years of service or protected characteristics.

Also, the teams messaging function is for WORK not for shitty gossiping.

Wow, well did you know a works communication is not for gossiping, what's 1950's about that. What bs.