Graduate daughter still looking for work.

[Bluelagoon02]

Hello Mums.

Few months ago I opened up about my daughter’s job situation. She graduated July 2024 but hasn’t been able to secure anything yet. At first she was very much trying to find a job in line with her studies. But as time moved on it became obvious she needed to lower her expectations so she applied to just anything UK based and abroad, mainly Spain and Italy. She managed to get through several job interviews but her shyness and lack of experience landed her to nothing. Lots of rejections that if you are lucky to hear back from companies or recruiters. I was genuine very scared when I originally wrote my very first post on this forum. Now I feel literally petrified to lose her. Every morning I go to her room fearing the worse. She lost contact with most of her Uni friends who had moved on. Her bf has some serious family issues so my daughter is pretty much on her own apart from us.
What do you suggest I should do ? What can I do ? I fear for her mental and physical health. It’s just so sad to see her going through this given what she had achieved not just academically but on a personal level too. She tried so hard, now she just burnt out staring into space. This isn’t healthy !
Applications after applications with very little response let alone feedbacks. Maybe you are a Mum like me who is struggling to keep her adult child alive. Maybe you lived the same situation and can offer advice. I would love to hear from anybody who can help. Thank you

I would do that and more but my husband creates an atmosphere where I’m seen as the evil, the one who wants to interfere. I just want to help and fear that my daughter won’t be able to face this mundane life any longer ending her life. My husband would only believe it if it happens. I can see it coming.
Whenever I try to explain things to him he gets annoyed and says I moan. I feel so tired 😢

Sorry to ask, but you speak a lot of your fear that your daughter would commit suicide - that's so awful that you fear the worst but is it just a feeling you have or has she shown any signs that she might? When I was younger (and still now) I've gone through periods where things seemed hopeless and unimaginably bad, but there was no time when I was at genuine risk of harming myself.

On a practical note, I would sign your daughter up on some tutoring websites and create profiles for her. I think Spanish tutoring (at least online) would be at least a start of getting her out of the funk she's in. I can send you the websites my friends and I use to find foreign language tutors. All you need is to create a profile and people approach you via the website.

What about teacher training? She can get tuition and maintenance loan and there's £26,000 bursary for language teachers on top of that. TEFL is also a good shout - LATAM countries usually pay very little, but Asia is much more lucrative. There are lots of governemnt programs like JET for Japan, EPIK for Korea, TeachTaiwan etc. I understand that job market is awful at the moment, so she has to be more proactive - apply to every grad scheme, civil service fast stream, sign up with admin agencies in London (there's still plenty of reception jobs). Linkedin is a must, she should also speak to careers service at her uni. Check all apprenticeships within public service - TFL etc. There are sectors that are still strong like quantity surveying, renewable energy etc. Maybe look into teaching assistant roles at school. Frankly, she can't be picky, but she's in relatively strong position being close to London. Once she gets some experience she can move into things that are more aligned with her career aspirations. Good luck!

As a Mum I fear the worse not because I am melodramatic about it but because I know my daughter enough to think she is far too fragile to keep going through this mundane life the way it is these days. Back when she was 14 yrs old she suffered of eating disorder (Anorexia). I knew nothing about this illness but knew something wasn’t right. I had to argue so much with my husband to make him realise there was a problem. Sadly I was right so I took her to CAMHS for outpatient treatment first a whole year. Round about 17 she relapsed. Again I spotted the signs and started treatment only that this time we were going private. We took a risk to send her to Uni but she blossomed and experienced the best years of her life. Her one year in Spain was a success too just not as easy as we expected though due to the girls she shared the apartment with. Now that well over one year has passed since graduation day we see a young lady full of dreams whose wings had been broken not just by herself but circumstances and people around her. Her best friend she once considered like a sister is no longer there for her. Understandably she is more invested in her own mother’s serious health. But the girls no longer share a minute together and the rest of her friends she made at Uni are busy with their new lives. She’s also distanced herself from people, embarrassed by the idea she has nothing to offer just because she hasn’t got a job. In all honesty I don’t know if my daughter could ever do something so drastic but know she already has the personality to fall allowing her demons to take over. If this makes sense. Of course I would like her to get some professional help. As you know my hands are tight because she is now an adult. It must be her choice to get help and support.

Done a lot of what you mentioned. Thanks for passing by though. Means a lot to me right now. I feel so incredibly lonely. 😞

That’s what I say to her almost every day. In the old days people used to go to the agencies, filled endless application forms and even have some interview with them. These says everything is done online but you can still contact them direct just to prove you are very keen. It might be seen as a sign of desperation too. However, with the amount of competition out there you need to stand up above others. She finds it undignifying. She doesn’t say so but know she does. To me it’s the wrong approach.

I know it's not what you're looking for but if she wanted a part time job just to get back in the swing of things The Entertainer toy shop have quite a few vacancies round the country. Google The Entertainer Careers to find them. I have a relative who works for them and finds them a really good company to work for.

Sadly the Blair govt miss - sold university education to generations of young people simply to get the unemployment figures down during his term in office. As a result, many entry level positions that previously required half a dozen GCSE’s suddenly required a degree! Now with AI replacing many entry level roles and the Labour govts attack on business and DEI policies that discriminate against straight whites, opportunities for youngsters are extremely limited. Sorry for being so negative but that’s how I see it. The youth have been mugged off .

Blair left power in 2007 - you can hardly blame his government for choices young people are making nearly 2 decades later!

Haven read the whole thread so apologies; perhaps she should take a break from job hunting and look after her mental and physical health to get her resilience back; do exercise, take vitamins (D, magnesium, join a club, get blood tests to ensure everything is ok, etc.

Wanted to suggest some meditations if she is interested.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=YejV-bnt608&pp=ygUYbWluZGZ1bCBtb3ZlbWVudCBzdWNjZXNz

m.youtube.com/watch?v=eEO1P6OQlmk&pp=ygUZbGlnaHQgc291cmNpbmcgbWVkaXRhdGlvbg%3D%3D

In the last 15-20 years, job interviews etc have changed a lot - for the public sector it's all highly structured competency based questions that you end up trying to second guess and prepare in advance! And what would have worked all then doesn't work now so I think your daughter is probably right that showing keenness by making contact outside the formal job application process is not likely to make a difference. No recent experience of temping agencies so can't advise on that score. For things like the civil service, there are some helpful youtube videos etc about how to answer interview questions etc. best wishes to you and your daughter.

Thank you for the information. We really need a bit of luck here. We feel drained.

I fully support the above. She might be able to take a break from it soon all being well.
Blood test were taken not long ago and all ok. I’m constantly telling her to go outside to get some fresh air. But I give her supplements anyway, which include all multivitamins, magnesium, vitamin D, K2, selenium, Iron even griffonia for her anxiety. Hopefully she’ll hear from the Spanish course soon.

ps: wish I could meditate myself. Thanks for the advice.

Gosh I’m not into politics but sounds about right. It’s all badly managed with no idea on the impact that all of this has on young people. I wish my daughter had the strength to organise a massive event in front of Downing Street. Young people need to be heard and seen too. Too many out there in the same shoes. You can’t waste four years of your life in education, ending up with a huge debt and no prospect of a job no matter how small. I keep saying to my daughter to think outside the box. However, after all the searching the brain isn’t capable to expand anymore. You just feel defeated and terribly lost.

My daughter has managed to get a part time retail job. A far cry from what she should be doing with a first and saddled with huge debt!
Opportunities Just aren’t there and what is has hundreds applying. She got through the referencing stage of an interview process with a high street brand who have now just ignored and ghosted her. I’m so so angry on her behalf and wish we’d said no uni. She’s in worse place than her peers right now who didn’t go

I know what you mean. It is incredibly disappointing. You don’t expect them to get something major with no real experience, just set foot in an industry and move forward.
Uni helped my daughter so much in terms of her social skills end life experience but part of me regrets it. It is such a kick in the teeth to see her so sad hitting rock bottom.
My son on the other hand is doing great. Dropped out of Uni on his second year. He now works for a London council into housing with a great salary too. He is very bright but not academic.

How old is your daughter ?

My DD has graduated but not got a full time job yet. What she has done is apply for lots of casual, zero hours or part time work. She has done quite a bit of really interesting event work (all at NMW though!), ticket scanning, working with animals, artist accreditation etc. Its really boosted her confidence as she's working with young people all in the same boat as her. As the jobs are temporary, if she doesn't like it, it doesn't matter - its only a couple of days. She's still applying for graduate roles but is enjoying the variety of casual work (but not the pay!). To build up her confidence I would suggest casual/temp work - there must be loads in London.

@Bluelagoon02 my daughter is 21.
but that company contacted her this morning ( head office is abroad) and offered her the job! So she’s got a post grad role in her field of degree in London. She’s very excited but also appreciates how lucky she is, she’s holding off telling friends as many haven’t been so lucky, which is a shame as there should be more opportunities for young people starting out.
my anxiety has been awful the last few weeks so I feel yours. I really hope your daughter gets something soon

Wow that’s brilliant. Is the job abroad or UK ? Well done to her !!! 👏🏻

No it’s in London it’s just their HR is abroad. The more I think about it the more I realise just how lucky she’s been, it’s so hard for job hunters

Blair was the one who mis-sold the University lie to millions of youngsters.

Shocking 😞