Graduate daughter still looking for work.

[Bluelagoon02]

Hello Mums.

Few months ago I opened up about my daughter’s job situation. She graduated July 2024 but hasn’t been able to secure anything yet. At first she was very much trying to find a job in line with her studies. But as time moved on it became obvious she needed to lower her expectations so she applied to just anything UK based and abroad, mainly Spain and Italy. She managed to get through several job interviews but her shyness and lack of experience landed her to nothing. Lots of rejections that if you are lucky to hear back from companies or recruiters. I was genuine very scared when I originally wrote my very first post on this forum. Now I feel literally petrified to lose her. Every morning I go to her room fearing the worse. She lost contact with most of her Uni friends who had moved on. Her bf has some serious family issues so my daughter is pretty much on her own apart from us.
What do you suggest I should do ? What can I do ? I fear for her mental and physical health. It’s just so sad to see her going through this given what she had achieved not just academically but on a personal level too. She tried so hard, now she just burnt out staring into space. This isn’t healthy !
Applications after applications with very little response let alone feedbacks. Maybe you are a Mum like me who is struggling to keep her adult child alive. Maybe you lived the same situation and can offer advice. I would love to hear from anybody who can help. Thank you

OP I mentioned this up thread (as well as other posters) but could she sign up to a tutoring website to teach Spanish? No interviews necessary and it would give her something to do and some income

My Dd would be interested in this, she’s been looking at some adverts but we’re worried some companies were scams. Pay to take a test, etc. can you recommend any reputable ones please?

@Bluelagoon02

sorry, it’s crap. It’s a numbers game, she just needs to keep going.

has she seen this one? Needs a Spanish speaker.

https://talent.sage.hr/jobs/3a927186-029b-4391-815d-af235a00cc70

this one wants bilingual AI trainers

https://www.dataannotation.tech/faq?worker_src=G&utm_source=google&utm_medium=display&utm_campaign=21165284337&utm_adgroup=&utm_content=&gad_source=1&gad_campaignid=22434512547&gbraid=0AAAAAqBNCsXeibRCrtDJ5KQKaCFZ3PrW_&gclid=CjwKCAjwy7HEBhBJEiwA5hQNokf0QVb5OEWuwcZtmzPiMgiArKHf-gTo7VJumLs41UsoR7-VCd4gzRoCaT4QAvD_BwE&projects=PROG_SA#cat-3

I cannot state how valuable Voluntary work is. It was for me - I honestly think there's a good chance I wouldn't be here without it.

I really struggled after uni, zero self esteem and despite hundreds of applications and a lot of interviews (because I was decent at writing), I never got the job. I had a top class degree from a top university, but couldn't get a job to save my life. To be fair, everywhere was right to reject me as I was just so unconfident and didn't know how 'work worked' to answer things in way that would show I'd be an asset, or show anything about who I really was.
The only way I got in was through volunteering- and even then it took a few to get in somewhere. It was so depressing being rejected from offering yourself for free! But after not too long trying for volunteering, I started with a gallery and then a school. I got a bit of a routine (even if just one day a week), some self esteem back, and finally got something to talk about at interviews. The gallery then had an internal only recruitment round from the volunteers. I'd never have got that job otherwise. Nearly everywhere I have volunteered since (I still volunteer alongside my day job) has roles that go this way- roles you have a good shot at getting if you're already known to them. They might not be grad roles, but they are a start, and from then on it's much much easier.

Nowadays, I look for new jobs every 3 years or so, I get an interview from over 50% of my applications and more often than not the job offer. So it really is totally possible, I just could not see it when I was younger.

Volunteering was my way in. Do it do it do it!

I am sending your dd and yourself a big hug and lots of luck. Things are really difficult out there, she is not alone and I don't know when things will improve, AI has certainly had a detrimental effect on jobs in many industries.

I agree with your assessment of your daughter, she sounds burnt out and unwell. I think she needs to take time away from job hunting and focus on something else. It's probably worth seeing the GP in the first instance and get her some help, maybe ADs, maybe counselling. She definitely needs time to rest and regain her strength mentally and emotionally before even attempting any of the suggestions mentioned work wise. Make a note of them and bring them up later when she's ready. Her mental heath comes first.

Volunteering is a good idea when she's ready. My only concern is that I work with a local charity and we are inundated with graduate volunteers, far more than we need, this cannot be a good sign.

This sounds interesting. Would you mind PMing me a link?

Ohh this sounds so interesting. Could you pm me the name of the company or the role name if at all possible please 🙏?

I know it is heartbreaking for you but like others have said, she has to pursue the voluntary work route now. I find this analogous to how I felt after being a sahm for a while and needing to return to work. I had a profession but I'd lost my contacts and confidence. Voluntary work was my route into a different line of work. It isn't easy but I was determined.
The interview and vetting process won't be as challenging as the graduate sector and it is critical now that she builds up her confidence.
I can recall crying when I didn't hear back from applications that I was way over qualified for and I was in my 40s. It isn't unique to the graduate market. This is why so much is made of building resilience these days.
Please find her a voluntary role. Soon there will be seasonal retail or hospitality jobs at Christmas. Every failed attempt is a kick in the teeth for her. She needs to build her self esteem and self discipline and she can do this right now with voluntary work. She will also make contacts and get a referee. Please step in now.

Not my current experience of Civil Service or local government. They're struggling to recruit entry level staff. Plus OP's DD only has to get lucky once.

Civil service maybe but local government is almost all on restructures with only essential recruitment

My son graduated in July 2024 too, and he also had a few fruitless months and growing despondency. His applications were always great and I know he interviews and comes across well.

What really helped him was getting a bar job. He had a bit of income and was mixing with other young people. Plus it looked good to say he was actually doing something. He’d not worked at all while at uni, so he definitely needed this on his CV.

local government is almost all on restructures with only essential recruitment

Entry level admin/customer service = essential recruitment.

A couple of people asked but @Mumsnet won’t let me pm from this username for some reason (and I like to keep my default separate from general talk.)

If you google “train ai” it’s the heavily advertised option that comes up first and also all over Reddit. You do not pay them to do an assessment, that does sound like a scam, the assessments are unpaid and take a few hours. Then there’s some training you do intermittently that’s also unpaid.

Sounds great. Did he then manage to get a job in line with his degree ?

It’s tempting to apply to jobs the minute you see one that sounds good but unfortunately she’s not well at the minute. Her MH needs addressing somehow. Not sure the GP can help though. They are pretty useless.

I just came back to this thread to say you sound like a lovely mum, OP, and you're right to want to help your DD get to a better place for her mental health first, and perhaps ease off the 'career' job applications for the moment.
Can you afford to support her financially for a little while?
If so, then the initial thing is to help her get to a better place physically and mentally.

A friend of my DS seems to have had some similar issues since graduating two years ago and has just taken the time, worked in a bar locally, and prioritised his health. (I know his mum and she talked to me about it).
We've just heard he's just landed himself a great job in his field from September!

It will take time. Remind her it is a 'marathon, not a sprint'! Having a year or two to get yourself sorted at 22/23 is just a tiny period of time in a much longer career.

Wishing you and your DD all the best luck xx

Sadly our MH services are not funded as well as they should be. Before you completely give up on the GP, check whether they have a MH lead GP, they are often much more clued up and can offer some signposting if nothing else.

And again sending you both a lot of love x

I know a lot of stories like this. DNephew worked in bars for a few years while applying for endless jobs in his degree-related field. He did a three month full time unpaid internship and still nothing came up...until it did. He landed his dream job and has been with the company ever since, rising through it and doing really well.

DS1's best friend got a first from Oxford and applied for endless jobs. Worked in a bar for over a year. Then got an entry level job in Civil Service. Not his dream, but it helped him move into the CS area he wanted to work in.

As PP have said, you sound like a lovely mum. Right now, her mental and physical health take priority. She doesn't need to think about work until she is feeling a lot better and stronger.

Hello

yes definitely. I was a graduate and had been looking for work for a year when I applied. Other people were taking a year out before doing postgraduate studies and some people were language students. There was a good variety of people at different stages of life.

I think in addition to the language assistant programme they have a specific graduate programme too as an alternative.

Thanks to those who replied above to offer support. It’s definitely a serious time for our family and scary too. I don’t wish any Mums to go through what we are going through and the possibility to lose their adult child as a result of not being able to find work. My daughter worked hard to achieve her degree. She never expected to get the job of her dream straight away, just a job. However, at some stage her anxiety kicked in and her self esteem went down the drain. Too many rejections, too much hope for nothing. Witnessing this right in front of my/our eyes it’s incredibly painful.

Many on here mentioned volunteering as way to fill the gap on the CV and learn some new skills. I get it. Now my question is how does volunteering look on an actual CV ? Would it not look like she wasn’t able to find a paid job making herself even more UNEMPLOYABLE ?

Intrigued to learn your views 🤔

Doing something always looks better than doing nothing. Plus it will help her so much by having a routine and thinking about new things. Helping people helps you.

Have you asked her bluntly if she is thinking of harming herself? It is an incredibly tough conversation but so important to find out where her head is.

Is a masters something she would consider? If gives her a goal and new targets. If she could stay at home that would help.

Volunteering is fantastic on any CV:

1. First It shows maturity, initiative, and your DD can highlight transferable skills such as punctuality, reliability, teamwork, communication skills etc.
2. She may meet new friends.
3. Sometimes volunteering leads to a paid position. A friend’s daughter who was unemployed post uni volunteered at a museum then was offered a job there.

Do get someone to check the CV for her though. A recruiter may do it for her or neighbours/ friends?

It’s such a very worrying time for you and she must be persuaded to get medical help. Is money tight or could you get a private GP appointment if you really can’t get anywhere with the local surgery?
I hope this comes across gently but (completely understandably) your recent posts carry so much worry that the negatives (such as not getting a GP appointment) seem sort of insurmountable for you. Can other family members help to get her to a GP?

Also her father may not still know anyone at the finance company where he worked, but he can still write to HR and say I worked there from x to y dates and wonder if there’s any available work experience? Even her old primary and secondary schools may need volunteers?

I know it’s hard but you have to try and keep projecting positivity for your daughter.

It is really hard to see your children unhappy but you may need your own support in real life to process it all as well as support on here. Then you can be upbeat for her. Also she then sees you proactively getting help and may do the same?

@Bluelagoon02 I never did a day of paid work before I graduated university. Neither did my husband. We both volunteered, which gave us many things: references from people who could attest to our character and work ethic, valuable 'real world' skills, socialisation, something to talk about in interviews that's not just "on my course I did X".

I would not look down on any graduate who did not immediately walk in to a graduate job. Any person who is even half paying attention will be aware that the market is tough currently. However, it would be very difficult for a graduate who had a whole load of white space on their CV after graduation to 'sell themselves' to me when there isn't exactly a shortage of volunteer positions. As long as I can see some sort of evidence that the graduate is trying to help themselves and can explain why they've taken that path and what they've gained from it I am not going to judge.

At this point I don't think you will lose anything by encouraging your daughter to try, and there might just be a whole lot for her to gain.

Volunteering always looks good, I did various things from high school through uni and then on the side during my first few jobs. It shows that you have interests, can work in a team, turn up on time etc etc.

How about some self employed tutoring? This can be done online or in person, there will be loads of school children who need help with languages. It’s only an hour or so at a time too so not overwhelming.

Definitely go back to the uni careers service too.

British Council is good and looks good on a CV too. A change of scene might help her.

I am sorry I came across as negative. Trust me I do the exact opposite to her offering new ideas whenever possible.
I am not against her seeing a GP only than from experience they are not great at helping with MH. These days it’s a case of self referring to the Well Being team and eventually be seen by someone, more often than not unable to help. I don’t mind paying for somebody “decent” that can really help her get out of this whole.
She feels exhausted and alone. Her friends are no longer there for her for whatever personal reasons. It’s awful and sad she was always loyal to them.

Re her Dad. Oh gosh yes he could contact his old HR department but that’s not my husband. I literally moved mountains during this past year but hell his dignity would be compromised if he stepped out of his comfort zone. Get my drift ?