Graduate daughter still looking for work.

[Bluelagoon02]

Hello Mums.

Few months ago I opened up about my daughter’s job situation. She graduated July 2024 but hasn’t been able to secure anything yet. At first she was very much trying to find a job in line with her studies. But as time moved on it became obvious she needed to lower her expectations so she applied to just anything UK based and abroad, mainly Spain and Italy. She managed to get through several job interviews but her shyness and lack of experience landed her to nothing. Lots of rejections that if you are lucky to hear back from companies or recruiters. I was genuine very scared when I originally wrote my very first post on this forum. Now I feel literally petrified to lose her. Every morning I go to her room fearing the worse. She lost contact with most of her Uni friends who had moved on. Her bf has some serious family issues so my daughter is pretty much on her own apart from us.
What do you suggest I should do ? What can I do ? I fear for her mental and physical health. It’s just so sad to see her going through this given what she had achieved not just academically but on a personal level too. She tried so hard, now she just burnt out staring into space. This isn’t healthy !
Applications after applications with very little response let alone feedbacks. Maybe you are a Mum like me who is struggling to keep her adult child alive. Maybe you lived the same situation and can offer advice. I would love to hear from anybody who can help. Thank you

Thanks for the idea she tried that too. She really hope that with summer etc something was going to pop up but was rejected. Must admit she is a bit shy but never had an interview for them to notice it. I can only assume they have too many applicants for fewer positions. Her CV has been checked by several people too.

Is Spanish tutoring not an option for her? She could earn money without having to go abroad if she wants to stay in the UK and she would be self-employed, so no need for interviews.

There are few areas where she could advertise. My gut feeling is that she lost confidence. She doesn’t believe in herself anymore. It’s very upsetting to see.

It is so hard! I had to start temping after uni and then worked up. It was easier then but every step helped. Volunteering definitely good.. Can she get counseling/ possible anti depressants to help?

Thanks for reaching out. The problem with my daughter is that she is very head strong. The more you try to make sense of things the more she goes totally the opposite. She knows volunteering could be beneficial. She knows temping is also a good. Sadly she gets distracted and her confidence totally down the drain. Don’t take me wrong at first she did amazing and even passed some pretty hard interviews. Sadly nothing ever came out of it which is why she feels confused and pretty isolated in this journey. She now has this idea to go to Spain to do a teaching assistant course. She must pay a deposit she may never get back. Sounds suspicious to be honest. I don’t know what to suggest to her anymore.

Going to Spain could be a good idea. Can you do some due diligence on the company?

What experience does your daughter have? I've interviewed dozens of recent graduates (and looked at hundreds of CVs) over the past decade and, while I don't expect them to have tons of directly-relevant experience for entry level positions, I do look for people who are able to demonstrate transferable skills. For example, if someone has been on a student council this can show leadership skills, a part-time bar job while at uni can show customer service skills and the ability to work under pressure, being on a sport team shows teamwork etc.

I honestly do feel for her but ultimately she has to get her confidence back and if she is depressed then she really needs to address this, if she does not then she will never move forwards however much fantastic advice you have been given here. To look good in the future she has to do something, anything and volunteering would be such a positive start. It does not have to be full time. Ds has a masters and really struggled and in the end took a ground maintenance job and it has been great, a break from thinking, responsibility and study and time to think about what he wants to do. He is now reapplying to things again. Please do look at her cover letters and CV, if she is low she will be underselling herself on them.

I totally agree with you 100%. Trouble is my daughter is very private. When she writes her cover letters she never shows them to us. I guess it’d be an insult to her ability if she did. Not my thoughts most likely hers. My husband never pushes boundaries. He accepts anything and just let her get on with her stuff without interfering. He doesn’t want to go in her “black book” if you know what I mean.

She worked as an ambassador at her University showing the site to potential new students and their parents. She also did some minor admin work for her Uni.

Hmm, I don’t think it’s pushing boundaries to ask her whether she’d like you to read over her cover letters/CV to check for clarity, see whether you have any ideas on how to tailor the letter for that particular position, for example. It’s not insulting her, it’s sharing your decades of work experience.

My DD (20) is currently applying for internship for next summer and she’s asked both DH and I to review her applications.

Also, you mentioned upthread that she hasn’t got her driving license. What about starting that process now? Just getting out of the house for driving practice with you will be good for her mental health…if terrifying for you at first. 😂

My DS who has a first class masters took a year to get his first post graduate job. I was lucky he never got downhearted. It is really hard to get your first job.
I would speak to the university and get them to look over her application and CV. Apply for as many positions as possible.

unfortunately my DS was made redundant when the company lost funding. He secured his next job within a few weeks.

Presumably she worked during summer holidays and /or part time when studying. Can she contact those employers and see if they have any vacancies? Former employers provided me a stop gap when I graduated which I was very grateful for (as I didn't have option to go back to my parents). They were happy to take me on for shifts on a short term basis as I was already trained etc.

You are not alone with this problem. My dd graduated in 2023 and has only just got a job that in any way uses her degree (modern languages) and my ds graduated in 2024 and has just got a job for which his degree helped, but not really in the field he wanted, and he has had to move 400 miles away.

I haven't read the whole thread, but I am guessing the usual suggestions have been made. What helped for my dd was signing up to a temping agency and doing minimum wage admin work until her recent job offer came along. She clearly had a good CV as she got plenty of interviews but they never resulted in a job. She was always '2nd on the list', or so the recruiters said. Right now, for your dd, any job experience is better than none. In my experience, and that of my dd, the best way to get that is through a temping agency. You often don't even have to interview for the role, so if shyness is holding her back, that might be a bonus.

Can she drive and does she have access to a car? Might not be that important in big cities, but it is a useful skill anyway, and it helps to not have to narrow the search down to major cities. Edited to add: I see now she can't drive. Definitely encourage her to learn. It will boost her confidence and get her out of the house if nothing else.

Would a bit of travel be possible? If she can afford it, or if you can, going abroad just travelling - gaining experiences, gaining confidence, practicing her language skills in real life situations, not specifically looking for work - might take the pressure off her and allow her some much needed release. It also gives her something to talk about in interviews. I know that sounds daft, but my shy dd is a big traveller and was able to establish a rapport with interviewers when talking about her travels.

The other thing my dd did was attend evening classes (online) extending her language knowledge. At the moment, she hasn't been able to build on her skills in that department, but the intention is she will do so one day.

Sorry if none of the above is helpful. I do feel for her, and you. I am so relieved that things have finally come good for my 2, but it has literally only happened in the last month and so it is still fresh in my mind how utterly bleak and hopeless it can seem day in day out with nothing to look forward to. You are not alone.

I totally agree with you too. I was embarrassed to write she hasn’t got her driving licence yet. Spent a fortune for her to have many lessons with one of the most known driving schools in the country. Then Covid came and so her departure for Uni. Last year we insured her on my car. She did great the very first day she went out with my husband. Drove for few months after that but didn’t apply for the actual driving test and left it. I now have a new car. That puts her off a bit worrying she could damage it in any way. Re checking her cover letters etc. She’s a very private girl however, I’m now wondering if she is applying to some of the jobs mentioned to her. I fear she may have not or maybe keeps receiving rejections.
Today she is very sad. She’s sick and tired to spend her week ends with us with no friends to go out with. Her bf treated her in the most horrendous way. Given the current position of her friend my daughter offered her lots of support. Sadly their relationship seems to be truly over. So it is likely to have an effect on her and mental health. Really hope the teaching assistant opportunity in Spain is a positive one. That if it’s offered to her of course. We shall see 🤞

@Bluelagoon02 Many people pass their driving test later, it’s no big deal. But it would give her a goal to work towards and get her out of the house

If she scraps your car, it’s annoying but not the end of the world. My DD didn’t scrap mine while she was learning…but she has a couple of times since!

Thank you so much for your kind words they mean a lot to me.

We anticipated some issues but it is way worse than what we had imagined. Sadly her self esteem declined so much so her desire to get a job which is almost gone. I don’t think she believes she’ll ever get out of this hole. She really lost the desire to do something about it apart from the odd search every now and then probably done with insufficient tools and preparation.
I don’t know the impact you had on your children whilst looking for their jobs. I’m having to constantly push her and mentor her whilst being rejected by her on multiple occasions. I’m not sure she knows how much her attitude hurts me. I can only assume she’d only understand if something was to happen to me. Until then I’m the annoying Mum who goes in her room with ideas and suggestions only because I am scared to lose her.
I wish she could take up her driving again and try for the test but at the same time not terribly desperate to have her on the road if she is not fit and ready for it.
Earlier on I mentioned temping to her again, only because many on here really suggested it. She replied that she contacted them many times but they ignored her and don’t get back to her.
I really hope that the teaching assistant project in Spain will come to something. They require some kind of deposit so it’s not clear how the whole thing will work. But she really needs to break free from here and from those who let her down at a time when she needed just as much support or a kind word…..her “friends” especially her bf. Sadly through no fault of her own she’s now ignoring her and totally forgot her 😔

Hey op, she has applied to the civil service, mi5, mi6 hasn't she?

She applied to some civil service jobs.

To be let down by friends and boyfriend must make it extra hard for her. My daughter had the 'advantage' of not really having any friends (that's a whole other worry!) But at least it meant she wasn't particularly aware of what others were doing, although she must have some idea of contemporaries via social media.

I found it, rather selfishly, I admit, rather more depressing for me than it appeared to be for dd. Looking back though, I think we did manage to avoid total inertia in that, to begin with, dd was focusing on learning to drive and passing her test. That really helped her to get out of the house. Also, being shy like your dd, I think it helped her to have an instructor who she had to interact with. She recently told me how much she enjoyed the chats they had. It's little things like that that many might dismiss as insignificant, but I think it helped my dd's confidence. After learning to drive, she then focused on the evening classes I mentioned earlier, and some travelling/holidays/concert going etc. Again, all helped to build confidence and keep her mental health on an even keel. Maybe there is some little thing like that you could encourage her to do? I realise the job hunt is the main focus, but it sounds like she could do with working on herself a bit too?

I don't know whether it helps for you to be too involved in the application and CV side of things. When my husband tried to give advice re CVs, he was told his ideas were out of date! We were told cover letters and chasing up phone calls were not the done thing too. Basically, all our advice was, on the surface, rebuffed. I mostly left her to work it out for herself as I found her seeming indifference frustrating. It is only later that I realised she wasn't indifferent, just frustrated herself at lack of progress. I guess having parents 'nagging on' (we thought we were encouraging!) probably isnt that great for their mental health either.

Amongst other things, your dd really needs to keep plugging away at the temping agencies. She just needs to get on their radar. Could she ring them? (I know it isn't always possible and a lot of contact is made via specific job applications.) My dd is hopeless at ringing people - too shy - but once that first contact is made, it does get easier. She had several minimum wage roles offered to her once that ball was rolling. I know from when I used to temp a few years ago, every role I did was offered to me during a telephone conversation when I was chasing up the agency having not heard from them for some time. Sadly, you can't just wait for them to contact you.

Has your daughter considered taking a starter job to get her foot in the door and experience.
I am a recruiting Manager and I recruit graduates who I know they won’t stay in my team forever but they get a foot in the door and then they are developed into other opportunities.
does she need to reduce/lessen her expectations.
For context the roles I recruit to are basic admin, minimum wage but we have lots of development opportunities for those with the right attitude/approach.

Has your daughter considered taking a starter job to get her foot in the door and experience

Oh do RTFT!

OP, how deeply stressful for you.

I would be so pissed off with my husband that he cannot contact his old HR for his own struggling child.

Selfish, unacceptable and unforgivable IMO.
You need to have very firm words with him.

You are clearly doing everything you can to help.

Tell him pull his finger out to help his child and leave his ego where it belongs.

When a child needs help, you do whatever it takes.

It is very tough out there and will be for the next few years I hear from those in recruitment.
The market is soft, getting softer, with a lot of hiring deferred, people not being replaced.

Trump is not helping. Economies hate uncertainty, just like the markets.

My daughter would be willing to do anything at this point obvs within reasons if you know what I mean. She did a degree “International Management and Business Administration with Spanish. She was hoping it’d have covered quite a wide range of jobs. Perhaps that it’s the issue. She applied to many minor positions with minimum wage. I guess that in some cases companies would find it hard to train somebody who could potentially leave after a relatively short period. The new entry jobs aren’t really there anymore. Some are kept on sites but aren’t no longer available. Thankfully she learnt to check directly on the company site to see if the jobs are still open. She also looks for reviews.

Thanks for your kind words. I’ve been hitting my head against a wall for well over one year now. Husband isn’t offering much help at all. The only thing he did was to forward my daughter’s CV to somebody senior he used to work with. Then he looked for the odd silly position knowing full well that it could be inappropriate.
I don’t see this as a competition between him and myself. More like team work. Sadly not the case though.
I personally contacted some people in town from the job hub in the hope that my daughter would speak to them. She did to one but found the second one not right fit for her.
All I can say every day is the same. My retired hubby in his room looking at his shares or sport in general. That or talking endlessly to his friends on WhatsApp about shares or sport. All of this whilst I fear that my daughter won’t commit suicide in her room. That’s how my life is.