Hr meeting over a comment

[HRHooha]

(Not racist discrimination et cetera in any way.) If you went into the meeting and pretended to just not remember the comment, as it's only a first level meeting, where could they go from that?

Why did people complain? Was it something benign like I don't agree that we only get 20 days annual leave it should be 30 ... or more controversial ?

I think your tone is pretty flippant too.

Worth reflecting on before you go into a meeting at which you're planning on lying. You risk being perceived as flippant and a liar in addition to whatever they're accusing you of (and you seem to be admitting you did say).

Given you don’t even know what they’ve been told or what evidence they have I’d tread very carefully here. So what is the actual reason you are going to pretend you don’t remember saying it? What’s your real motive? Is it because you know you’d be in a lot of trouble if you did admit it? That in itself is not a good look and raises questions about your own integrity, i.e. when something far worse happens you’ll probably pretend you can’t remember that either.

Why not use it as an opportunity to openly raise the thing you disagree with? Pretending you don't remember just makes you seem flaky. Someone who says random things and then takes no responsibility for them is an incredibly risky employee to have.

I don’t know why that posted twice.

@HRHooha "It's just saying something about something we do at work that I don't agree with." Well, if it's a matter of company policy (and maybe also a legal requirement?) then I can see why HR would want to give you words of advice (and even more so if you're in a senior position within the company). If it's just general grumbling about stuff that happens at work, I wouldn't see an issue (so many people grumble about their work! 😂).
I don't see why you'd want to lie about remembering what you said though. If you're able to articulate why you disagree with this work practice, this is your opportunity to do so and argue for a change (unless you're legally obliged to do whatever it is, in which case, change wouldn't be possible). Or if you know you're in the wrong, just admit it and apologise, but explain why you said it.

Own the error and apologise unreservedly for making it. Ask if you should approach the person / people who complained to say sorry in person.

I've been in the position of needing to do this not long ago (my comment was not harmful in itself but it landed badly with someone for personal reasons) and my apology was fully accepted. We all moved on.

I'd feel guilty as well if I denied something - and it's really not fair to the complainant.

No, no real trouble to admit it I think.probably just words of advice

Just, as I said before, don't really want to self incriminate to make their lives easier.

I don’t understand this.

If what you said isn’t offensive or contravening company policy, why can’t you just confirm that you said it?

But if you don’t think what you said was wrong why don’t you own it and stand by it? Make them tell you why you can’t say or have that opinion.

Having delivered these kinds of meetings as a manager countless times, lack of accountability and self awareness would make me much more inclined to push for a more formal process.

I said it / was a bad day / week / month / was at end of tether with {insert whatever work situation it was here} and made a silly comment, I'm sorry and I understand that it wasn't appropriate" is much more likely to make it go away very fast.

Sounds like you did very little wrong but said the wrong thing in front of the wrong person on the wrong day which we've all no doubt done. One to take on the chin, be suitably chastened for 10 mins and move on from. Believe me, I've seen where these things can go much further because of the behaviour on the day.

So you'd prefer them to think you're an awkward, disingenuous liar instead?

Even though there would be no real fallout from you admitting the truth?

How 'easy' do you think that's going to make YOUR life in future as an employee of the company?

As said by millions of criminals throughout history. No one believed them either. You wouldn't be doing yourself any favours taking that stance.

It's the standard of proof, not the burden of proof. Also, the previous poster was incorrect, it doesn't have to be backed up by evidence. That's the point of reasonable belief. There doesn't need to be proof, but the deciding person does need to have some reason for deciding the way they did. It only has to be a reasonable belief, not beyond (all) reasonable doubt (for which you would need evidence).

So, they can just decide if they believe you due to your manner in the interview, if that's a reasonable outcome.

Burden of proof refers to whose responsibility it is to prove a case, for example in the criminal courts it's up to the prosecutor to prove the case. In employment tribunal the burden changes depending on the claim (unfair dismissal is the employer, discrimination is the employer, for example).

I wouldn’t say I don’t remember.

depending on the claim they are making;

that doesn’t sound like something I would say (different To I don’t remember as it insinuates that’s not how you feel about something).

that was taken out of context and misquoted - (come up with slightly different angle).

or if the comment didn’t breach any hr policies etc and they can’t actually discipline me for it then I’d stand by it. I’d also check with my union or acas first.

Both sentences are in conflict with each other. If nothing is actually going to happen then what’s the problem with self incriminating? You’re now making it sound like there’s more to it, like you aren’t entirely sure yourself what’s going to happen and are going the self preservation route.

It’s so strange that you think HR give a shit about you making their lives easier or not.

You sound really bizarre, with an odd attitude. Pretty much everyone is telling you to be honest and you are saying you don’t want to. I don’t see the point of your posting this at all.

Your approach will not do your reputation any good at all.

Saying it twice doesn't make it true 🤷‍♀️

I spent a working lifetime in local government until fairly recently and if everyone had been disciplined every time we moaned about systems/policies/procedures the HR department would have had to outnumber all other staff several times over. I'm inclined to think that either there is a) a very toxic culture at your workplace or b) there is more to this than you're saying.

Pretending not to remember isn't a great way of dealing with it whatever and unlikely to work.

This is a really bloody-minded attitude, and HR will think, quite rightly, that you're being a twit.

I'm guessing op probably works somewhere where management don't take criticism of policies very well and they like to make examples of people by bringing them in for a meeting to correct their thoughts.

You seem incredibly childish OP. Children pretend they haven't said things when they get caught.

I’m afraid you sound like a coward and someone who’s obstinate for no reason.

If you said it and you believe it then own it.

ex (retired) manager here. If its at the "words of advice stage" then do not lie. You are in a "balance of probability" situation and part of that balance of probability judgement of based around previous behaviour and whose testimony is likely to be believable. If you lie now and people suspect it then if you are pulled in for anything in the future, a part of how you will be judged then will be on your behaviour now. If you are in a business where managers talk to managers, then your behaviour will mysteriously get known about and you are putting your future career at risk......on the other hand, again speaking as a manager, its always handy to know who the untrustworthy folk are so go ahead and lie your arse off, it would have helped our decision making a lot at promotion time!!

No such thing. Don’t go into any meeting with management/HR alone. No matter how they spin it. Take someone in with you, if you’re in a union speak to them first.