My boss reprimanded me and some of my other coworkers for avoiding a smelly coworker.

[joel666]

I am a 34 year old male and i work as a web developer. I am fairly good at it my work and get along with most other coworkers.

But there is this one coworker that started 2 months ago. I will refer to him as tom.

Tom is good at his job but there is problem with him.

Ever since i met him for the first time, he always had a strong stench to him. His odor is a mix of weed and unwashed body odor and on top of that, his breath smells really bad.

But i always tried being polite but me and some of my other coworkers who also noticed how bad he smells avoid him but we tried not to be rude about it.

For examples. When tom would sit near us, my coworkers and me would tell each other "why don't we go seat over there. This table is a lot cleaner. Why don't we use this computer instead. This one is kinda slow. When you come back from the bathroom, join us on that other table next to the window.

And when we would be in the lunch break room, we would stand there, wait and see where tom would sit and we would make sure not to sit next to him.

But on the bad luck that he would sit right in front of us, i would cover my nose with my hand. And my other coworkers would do the same.

But again we try not to show our disgusts. We don't gag or make any disgusted facial expressions.

But just a week ago, our bosse called me into his office and he tells me that tom feels excluded and me and the other coworkers are creating a toxic work environment and my clique attitude will nog be tolerated.

I admitted to my boss why we avoid him. I told him that i cannot stand the stench coming off tom.

My boss argued and said this is disrespectful and he could very well have a health condition that causes him to smell unpleasant.

My other coworkers later told me that they also got reprimanded.

How would you deal with this ? Health or not, i cannot stand smelly people. I try not to be rude but when someone smells bad my first instinct is to avoid them.

Some people are more sensitive to smells than others. Someone might genuinely be able to cope with Tom's smell, whereas others feel physically sick.

Had a guy at work that stank to high heaven, nice bloke but his manager really should have had the balls to speak to him about his personal hygiene. We all just had to put up with it, I pitied the people who had to sit next to him. I struggled when he was near and couldn't have eaten in his presence. Speak to your manager, it's unreasonable to expect you to have to sit in his body odour. He maybe doesn't realise as he's gone nose blind, and addressing it could make his life much happier.

It should have been dealt with immediately by his line manager.

Basic hygeine - clean clothes being worn and not being malodorous is a basic necessity for every job.

Someone turning up to work stinking is the same as turning up in totally unsuitable clothes or turning up very late.

Within a week it should have been established that there was a problem, if there were any extenuating circumstances that needed to be addressed and expectations should have been set.

It was entirely unfair to expect other employees to manage this situation and I don't really understand why people are calling it bullying.

Bullying would be leaving deoderant on his desk, expressing disgust, talking about him where he can overhear, calling him revolting etc.

Choosing not to eat near him is an understandable choice. The fact that everyone else chose this means it's not just a particularly fastidious person that has an issue.

If management do not manage then negative situations occur.

Surely someone should politely point out his body odour problem to him? Ideally his line manager?

I don't think the manager was aware until Tom went to the manager himself.
OP has not said they approached management regarding the problem, and only mentioned it when he was brought it to talk about excluding Tom.

At that stage I think the manager should have dealt with both Tom and OP.

Maybe management hasn't actually spent any time with Tom since they started?

Tom stinks.
The behaviour of the team is reprehensible.

Rather than excluding Tom, the team shoukd have spoken swiftly and directly to their manager who should have spoken to Tom.

Prior to the bullying and exclusion, there was an opportunity to deal with this nicely. It has been lost and there is now a discrimination/conduct issue risk to the organisation.

The team and the manager bear fault. It has been badly handled.

I have more sympathy for Tom than for the team.

HR Director by the way.

If you smell so badly that you're making the people around you heave (which very few if any medical conditions actually do) then you need to work from home, or in a private office, or outdoors or drive a truck or something.

Would you visit a dentist or hairdresser who reeked? Would you be happy if the person waiting on you at a restaurant made you gag? If your mum's carer, or your baby's childminder stunk would you be OK with it?

As a manager I've twice had to deal with staff with poor personal hygiene. On both occasions the problem was to do with their clothing (washed infrequently or on too low a temperature). The problem was easily sorted. I reckon poor hygiene is a lot more common that medical issues when it comes to smell.

The deliberate behaviour of the bullies is worse than that of Tom, who may well be unaware of his odour. This could have been raised like grownups, instead of resorting to playtime bully tactics.

I worked in an office where a woman had that medical condition where her body gave off a terrible odor. She was aware of the condition, obviously because it’s a medical condition.

It was a big layout of cubicles, a cold office with good A/C & ventilation , but still her odor was awful. The company, I think because it was a medical condition, built her an office, with its own ventilation. They accommodated her disability …

It’s up to his manager, to stop avoiding the difficult conversation. Manager needs to sit with person and speak to him about personal hygiene and clean clothes. He doesn’t have more rights and get special allowances unless he has a genuine medical condition. If being unclean is a choice, then he needs to accept social isolation.

It’s the managers job. Not that you are going to tell manager what to do, but a gentle opening conversation in private.

Mgr: Just checking in. How are you getting along since we talked previously?
Smelly says: I feel like people are avoiding me.
Mgr: Since we met last, I’ve noticed,and I would think others do, that you & your clothes don’t smell as fresh as could. I’m being open, and talking as a trusted colleague, and would like you to take advice about improving cleanliness and deodorant. If you have a medical condition, that contributes, I want to be sensitive to your needs and we can work together on workplace solutions that support teamwork and respect. I’m not discussing this with others, this is between us. I’m available to you to discuss.
I think changes could go a long way to building team
etc
etc

Boss is not right. Employers can absolutely not insist that employees sit with another employee who absolutely stinks. It is categorically not bullying to avoid someone for a very good reason.

I can't believe for one second a fully grown man thought Tom would never notice that whenever he sat down you all moved.

Most adults do need to shower every day. You might be smelly and not reealise it.

Probably is more likely, and certainly easier addressed.

As far as I’m aware, I’ve never made anyone heave. But my colleagues in previous jobs have notified my line management that it’s bothered them.

I’m happy to take any adjustments necessary, but I have employment rights just like the rest of you, and forcing someone into isolation over something they can’t control is discrimination. I accept that on occasion my issue has made people feel uncomfortable, but I have no intention of becoming a truck driver.

I’m good at what I do, and will continue to do it whether others like it or not.

The answer to your questions btw is yes, I would be served/work with all those people, because I’m not judgmental and don’t think it has any impact on someone’s capability to do a job. I accept that I’m biased.

Tom smells of weed and BO. He can control it, he just doesn't. It's not discrimination

There must surely be someone in the company who can be totally honest & tell the stinker the truth ?

I'm way too old to be pandering to the feelings of other adults who can't do basic adult stuff like having a shower and not stinking like weed and ass.

I'd do the same OP but I would have also told my boss as soon as I noticed the smell was too much to work near so it wouldn't have got as far as this. But yes, I'd avoid and move too.

Pretty much everyone showers every day.

Your comment about being concerned about their mental health is bonkers.

Sorry #
@Screaming I meant the other poster

Oh please.

Nothing to do with him being a man. And no people wouldn't want to and shouldn't have to sit with someone with clear hygiene issues

But as an adult what you don't do is behave the way the OP and his colleagues are. What they should be doing is raising it with HR and have them address it. Act like adults not high school bullies

MN is the only place in the world where BO is assumed to be a medical condition until proven otherwise. In reality the vast majority of people who smell do so because of lifestyle choices - not washing their bodies, not washing their clothes, not wiping their bums, smoking, not cleaning their teeth etc. It’s horrible having to work with someone who smells. I don’t blame OP for making excuses not to sit with Tom, especially when he’s wanting to eat. I’m guessing the boss doesn’t have lunch with him!

Agreed.

He smells like weed. Thats not a medical condition. Its being filthy

@joel666

Give me his e-mail address, I'll tell the dirty fucker he needs to wash himself & his clothes.

Instead of bullying Tom mercilessly (and I can’t believe you’ve all been doing together - what a bunch of shameless, immature teenagers!) you should have spoken with your manager who‘s job it is to speak to Tom about it.
You have behaved appallingly and I do hope that you can learn from this AIBU and not be such a disgusting person yourself @joel666 , but I am not optimistic, 34 is a quite late to learn not to be a bully!!

You’re free to sit where you want and free to avoid anyone you want. But to discuss him with your colleagues, to move in unison with your colleagues every time he sits near you, and to act with a pack mentality makes it obvious you as a group are excluding him and that makes you a bully!