threatened with disciplinary for leaving message

[allaboutthatsass]

I'll keep this short.

There's been problems in our department. There are several teams in this department. Myself and several colleagues have complained but no change, so several of us are looking for other jobs.

One colleague has another job and we were asked to sign her leaving card. I signed it along the lines of "congrats you lucky thing! Take me with you, lol x"

Now my manager has pulled me aside and told me my message was 'inappropriate' and could be interpreted badly by other managers in light of all the recent complaints. It could be percieved as 'stirring' and 'bullying'. He says other managers may question him and he may have to give me a warning.

I'm really upset by this. Whilst I obviously do wish I was going too, I didn't think the actual message was 'bad' or something that could warrant an actual warning. I didn't think it was much different from what other people may put in a leaving card and was really trying to be jokey.

So what do I do or say? There's no union. I can't afford to actually leave and I like my job, it offers me lots of great flexibility, I just dont like management.

You could have meant tale me with you because you are going to miss her so much

can't discipline you for misreading what you wrote and the context

@allaboutthatsass As an aside, I promise you HR don't have a "watchlist" but if they did your manager would be on it. And the HR team would be trying their hardest not to roll their eyes at the suggestion they needed to discipline you for what you wrote in a leaving card.

We've had cards saying "you're dead to us now" for people leaving and everyone gets that it's a joke.

Managers saying they are going to give you a warning means nothing. There would have to be a formal process before any such 'warning' is given. The manager is incompetent.

If he gives you a formal warning, then you should launch a formal grievance on his sorry fucking ass.

I do think some managers have a good wank over some of the arsehole stuff they do to their team members.

Your manager is talking rot, if it goes to a warning ask HR to get involved just to make sure your manager isn't just being a bellend.

Point out that it isn't an official document and you are welcome to write whatever you want in a card for a friend.

Take a deep breath and remind yourself that you meant no harm and were just making an in-joke to make your colleague smile. Your message was not intended for anyone else so they shouldn't be objecting to it.
If Management take offence and threaten some action, they really are nuts, but maybe it is just another example of the problems in the organisation.

He's a bad manager. That is all

Sounds like a toxic culture, where managers micro-manage and control even the most mundane thing like a message in someone's leaving card.

Pick your battles - bide your time, don't rock the boat by going head to head and proactively find another job elsewhere. Run out of there asap with a reference. It won't get any better while you have people like your manager still in their job.

I am going to try and defend the manager (though it's hard) or at least point out the motivation. The signatures in the card are publically showing a low morale and dissatisfaction with working in the department. The manager may feel that grievances about the job should have been personally brought to his/her attention in a respectful manner rather than in a card. The manager obviously is extremely sensitive and maybe takes all the comments as a slight on their managerial skills and they feel slighted in public on a personal level. The manager has obviously over reacted but I think there is an argument to professionally just right 'Best wishes etc....' as best practice with these things.

I think the manager is in the wrong and it is a massive over reaction but I can see why they possibly reacted.

The message can also be interpreted as about the positive aspects of her new job, rather than the negative aspects of her old one. I'd highlight this if it comes up again. The manager sounds dreadful.

join a union. Your colleagues should do the same.

I think he’s done this as a control/manipulation thing. He knows it your comment was joke and he knows you’ll worry about his comment and has opted to make you feel like you’re walking on egg shells. This is poor management. Even if one of the other managers flags it, your manger should simply dismiss because the comment was a joke.

If it does turn into a warning, ask them how they are resolving the issues previously raised as that is the greatest concern and far more serious.

One viper who I used to work with put this message on a colleague's leaving card:-
"Yes, you are the weakest link. Goodbye!"

Admittedly, he was somewhat useless, but still.......

I can see meeting with HR in his calendar today...

Hopefully they're giving him warning for something else OR they'll be having a good laugh after he leaves their office (if they can contain themselves until then. Or maybe as he's such a twat he's just put it in there knowing you'll see it & panic!

stop worrying over this, he doesn't even have a toe to stand on, let alone a leg!!

I agree

OP it could be anything but if it is about the card it is because your manager has taken the comments inside personally. HR will set him straight on that and may issue a blanket please for all future card comments. I doubt they will go further than that.

Are you still on probation?

I've been here 3.5 years

I hope HR's Christmas lunch is today afternthe meeting so they can really enjoy laughing at him.

I take it your firm doesn't do staff surveys. They sound too insecure to be able to handle the feedback. Either your manager has taken your feedback as a personal failing of their management style or they worry that their line manager will see your comment on the card and take them to task over it. From the circumstances you describe about the unhealthy culture at work it probably wasn't wise to put that comment down on the card but then you know that. However, you are only voicing what I presume the firm's management already known about morale in general. They would be better trying to review and address the issue of morale than picking on one individual for pointing it out.

You say that there is no union, you can easily join one.

You’ll often see posters on here saying that HR is there to protect the company, not the employees. But remember that your manager is an employee too - and if he fucks up, he’s the one who’ll lose out from HR protecting the company. They’re not going to stick by any attempt he makes to give you a warning if they can see there’s no grounds for it.

You'll have to do a lot worse than a comment on a leaving card. Please don't worry if it crops up with hr just apologise and promise not to do it again. Your manager needs a thicker skin and realisation that not everything is about them

Honestly find a job and leave. I was in such a toxic work environment prior to this job. I never realised until I was out!

I was constantly on edge, really anxious and irritable around people which isn’t like me at all!!

I am much MUCH happier, great team and I actually earn more now too. So all round the best thing I did. Just take the leap!

Is it really with HR, though? Like, if you click on it, can you see the other attendees and they're HR? Is there an invitation blurb that might indicate who invited whom?

I could put "Lunch with The King" in my Outlook, dunnt make it so.