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Original poster

Coworkers complained to our supervisor because I am indifferent. Why are people so needy.

917 replies

anissa834 · 09/12/2024 10:06

I recently got a job at a new location as a graphic designer.

I've been working there for 10 months so far. I really like this job even tho it's demanding.

But I got problems with my coworkers. When it comes to other coworkers, I mostly talk to them about the work at hand. I work with them when I have to but other then that I don't have any real relationships with them.

My interactions with coworkers are strictly formal and neutral.

I just come in, get my jobs done and go home. Plus I already have plenty of friends outside of work.

Sometimes, some of them would complain that I am anti social and cold but I up until now, it never escalated.

Before the complaint, here are some context.

There is that one lady coworker who is the golden coworker.

You see how many parents have several children but they have that one golden child ? The child that get the most attention, love, gifts and overall gets spoiled and sometimes get away from being punished ?

Well that coworker is the equivalent of a golden child. She is the golden colleague. She is also known to be the boss's good girl. She is extremely loyal to him and doesn't mind snitching.

She is one of those people at work that almost everyone loves and wants to get to know.

I personally don't care about her but I am not jealous or anything but some of my other coworkers also complained that I am indifferent towards the golden colleague even tho I've told them multiple times that I am here to be productive and get stuff done and I have nothing against the golden colleague.

Well the complaint came in because apparently the golden colleague have been out of work for a week last week for some kind of medical problems. I don't really know the details, I don't care.

She came back today. I said good morning to everybody and began doing what I had to do in the job.

Well my boss called me in this morning and he informed me that my indifference and coldness is making people around me uncomfortable. He did say that I am not breaking any company policies and he is satisfied with my performance but perhaps I need to be a bit more warm and friendlier. Even said "we are a family here" . I told him that I've been respectful and professional towards my colleagues but he talked to me about the golden colleague and how she is been out for a week and when she came in, I didn't even ask how is she doing and how her health is improving and how I am always indifferent towards her and that she is a bubbly friendly person and I don't understand why I am so cold towards her.

He let me go eventually because this conversation wasn't going anywhere. We kept going back and forth and we both got annoyed at each other but he told me at the end "think about this conversation okay ?"

Why are people so needy ?

OP posts:
TriesNotToBeCynical · 09/12/2024 16:10

carrotsfortea · 09/12/2024 16:07

If you really are neutral you wouldn't write a post full of the phrase "golden co-worker". You do not sound neutral at all. By using that phrase you sound like a jealous sibling.

It very much depends on the situation. But to me you don't come across as just professional you sound slightly unpleasant towards this person, you are certainly making some sort of judgement using that phrase constantly in a way that sounds a little spiteful and it does sound like you have an axe to grind and are being quite pointed in your indifference.

If I were summoned by a manager and told some fellow worker had complained I was insufficiently compliant with her need for attention I don't suppose my words about her would be entirely neutral!

snowmichael · 09/12/2024 16:10

Bunnylovely · 09/12/2024 16:06

You must be joking. You've never said to a single colleague "are you going anywhere nice this year ".

That is normal chat.

Show quote history

It's normal non work chat
The sort of thing you chat about with friends outside of work

MyrtlethePurpleTurtle · 09/12/2024 16:11

anissa834 · 09/12/2024 13:07

I do ask how they are feeling and I am always there for them and engaging because they are people I actually care about. When I don't care about people I don't pretend to care about them.

I don't know how to be fake.

Show quote history

Don't you know how to be polite and engage with people you don't care about?

Basically, it seems not (or is perceived that way). Therefore to them you don't fit into the team with the way you behave (rightly or wrongly).

If you're still in your probationary period, I would expect it fairly likely for you to be let go

Bunnylovely · 09/12/2024 16:11

DowntonFlabbie · 09/12/2024 16:09

Exclusion? If everyone but herself?

Seriously, are you high?

Show quote history

"Are you high"

What a bizarre question! No I've never done drugs.

Are you?. Only someone who is familiar with drugs would probably ask that.

Bunnylovely · 09/12/2024 16:12

snowmichael · 09/12/2024 16:10

It's normal non work chat
The sort of thing you chat about with friends outside of work

Show quote history

You can't be real.

No they are things that I've said to my colleagues IN work.

They also ask me where I am going on holidays.

I can't believe you would possibly get offended about a co worker asking if you're going on holiday this year.

It's the most unintuitive thing to ask someone

How could you get offended about someone knowing where you are going on holiday. Can you explain that.

BeAzureAnt · 09/12/2024 16:13

TriesNotToBeCynical · 09/12/2024 16:10

If I were summoned by a manager and told some fellow worker had complained I was insufficiently compliant with her need for attention I don't suppose my words about her would be entirely neutral!

Show quote history

No joke.

allthatfalafel · 09/12/2024 16:13

MyrtlethePurpleTurtle · 09/12/2024 16:11

Don't you know how to be polite and engage with people you don't care about?

Basically, it seems not (or is perceived that way). Therefore to them you don't fit into the team with the way you behave (rightly or wrongly).

If you're still in your probationary period, I would expect it fairly likely for you to be let go

Show quote history

This, I would be job hunting because they're already trying to find reasons to get rid of you.

Greyskybluesky · 09/12/2024 16:14

BuildbyNumbere · 09/12/2024 15:29

Now we get to the truth! Drip feed much.

Show quote history

"The truth"?
A "drip feed" that she's of Nigerian descent?
Care to explain what exactly you mean?

SuperfluousHen · 09/12/2024 16:14

SuperfluousHen · 09/12/2024 16:03

If it’s a family who is dad? 😬

creepy smile GIF

.

Bunnylovely · 09/12/2024 16:15

Talking about women being nasty to each other.

Why are women so nasty to here on mumsnet?

It's absolutely disgusting on here most of the time.

I'm on oher chat forums, and there isn't half as much abusive posting on other forums, as there is on here.

snowmichael · 09/12/2024 16:15

Bunnylovely · 09/12/2024 16:12

You can't be real.

No they are things that I've said to my colleagues IN work.

They also ask me where I am going on holidays.

I can't believe you would possibly get offended about a co worker asking if you're going on holiday this year.

It's the most unintuitive thing to ask someone

How could you get offended about someone knowing where you are going on holiday. Can you explain that.

Edited
Show quote history

Of course I talk to them
About work

Obviously there's the good morning/goodbye if I'm in the office, but nothing at all like that when, like most office professionals, we're working from home

The single biggest boost to productivity has been remote working getting rid of the wasted ten+ minutes of inane, unprofessional small talk at the beginning of every meeting

Oh and
> It's the most unintuitive thing
I agree with you completely

Bunnylovely · 09/12/2024 16:17

snowmichael · 09/12/2024 16:15

Of course I talk to them
About work

Obviously there's the good morning/goodbye if I'm in the office, but nothing at all like that when, like most office professionals, we're working from home

The single biggest boost to productivity has been remote working getting rid of the wasted ten+ minutes of inane, unprofessional small talk at the beginning of every meeting

Oh and
> It's the most unintuitive thing
I agree with you completely

Edited
Show quote history

That should have been "unoffensive' not unintuitive.

My phone autocorrected it.

But you didn't answer "why would you be offended by someone knowing where you are going to on holiday"

My hairdresser asks me where I'm going

TriesNotToBeCynical · 09/12/2024 16:17

Bunnylovely · 09/12/2024 16:12

You can't be real.

No they are things that I've said to my colleagues IN work.

They also ask me where I am going on holidays.

I can't believe you would possibly get offended about a co worker asking if you're going on holiday this year.

It's the most unintuitive thing to ask someone

How could you get offended about someone knowing where you are going on holiday. Can you explain that.

Edited
Show quote history

If I was asked by a colleague where I was going on holiday I might be no more than mildly irritated but I certainly wouldn't give them a straight answer. I might just hint, indirectly, that it was none of their bloody business!

notacooldad · 09/12/2024 16:17

You're kidding, right?
What is less professional than asking personal questions about what people do outside of work?
It's intrusive and completely unnecessary

You would absolutely hate my place of work 😂
Everyone knows virtually everything about everyone. Most of the staff grew up in one of two neighbourhoods in our town so already knew each other and their families before joining the team.
Some are related or divorced from someone else's sister or something. Life in a small Northern town!!!
We work long hours together on shift together, sometimes work is full on and then there is a bit of down time before the next rush so we do talk a lot.

On the upside, its a friendly place to work and everyone helps each other out at a moments notice. We have a very low turn over of staff.
If someone came to our place and didn't integrate themselves it would be awkward. I don't mean they tell us their life story but people usually say what they've done over the weekend recommend restaurants, talk about their dogs, all the usual social niceties that people do.

BeAzureAnt · 09/12/2024 16:17

Bunnylovely · 09/12/2024 16:12

You can't be real.

No they are things that I've said to my colleagues IN work.

They also ask me where I am going on holidays.

I can't believe you would possibly get offended about a co worker asking if you're going on holiday this year.

It's the most unintuitive thing to ask someone

How could you get offended about someone knowing where you are going on holiday. Can you explain that.

Edited
Show quote history

Your work office culture may be different than other people's. I never knew where my colleagues went on holiday, and vice versa. We were still pleasant with each other and got our jobs done, and then went home. We were too busy to be chit chatting. There would be an email to the department when a colleague had a baby, or got married, or left work, and we'd contribute something and sign a card, but that was about the extent of it. Maybe at your office you are all best friends and share photos etc. Some people don't do that. I'd be more concerned with my colleague being reliable and doing their job than being chatty.

notacooldad · 09/12/2024 16:19

If I was asked by a colleague where I was going on holiday I might be no more than mildly irritated but I certainly wouldn't give them a straight answer. I might just hint, indirectly, that it was none of their bloody business!
Blimey!!

😗

BeAzureAnt · 09/12/2024 16:19

allthatfalafel · 09/12/2024 16:13

This, I would be job hunting because they're already trying to find reasons to get rid of you.

Show quote history

Yup.

Potato1234 · 09/12/2024 16:19

@Bunnylovely i completely agree with you about the holiday chat etc. I’ve never been in a workplace where people haven’t asked about your holiday/talked about their holiday. Of course there are certain things you don’t ask colleagues as it’s intrusive and rude, but asking about someone’s holiday, in my world, is completely normal?

Bunnylovely · 09/12/2024 16:19

TriesNotToBeCynical · 09/12/2024 16:17

If I was asked by a colleague where I was going on holiday I might be no more than mildly irritated but I certainly wouldn't give them a straight answer. I might just hint, indirectly, that it was none of their bloody business!

Show quote history

Why is it none of their business?

Why do you want to keep where you're going on holiday private?

People chat about holidays all the time. In hairdressers, everywhere. It's a non offensive question.

How could you possibly be offended by it.

snowmichael · 09/12/2024 16:20

Bunnylovely · 09/12/2024 16:17

That should have been "unoffensive' not unintuitive.

My phone autocorrected it.

But you didn't answer "why would you be offended by someone knowing where you are going to on holiday"

My hairdresser asks me where I'm going

Edited
Show quote history

> Why would you be offended
Because from a work colleague, it's none of their business
How does it enhance their life or mine if they know?
What bearing does it have on the project?
How does it help either of us work to the unreasonable deadlines we always have?
It's just a waste of time
If they were a friend, asking outside of work, completely different
> My hairdresser asks me where I'm going
I have never had a hairdresser, so never had that situation

Bunnylovely · 09/12/2024 16:20

Potato1234 · 09/12/2024 16:19

@Bunnylovely i completely agree with you about the holiday chat etc. I’ve never been in a workplace where people haven’t asked about your holiday/talked about their holiday. Of course there are certain things you don’t ask colleagues as it’s intrusive and rude, but asking about someone’s holiday, in my world, is completely normal?

Yes absolutely.

Some of these posters sound quite strange if they're getting angry at being asked where they are going on holidays.

Greyskybluesky · 09/12/2024 16:22

Bunnylovely · 09/12/2024 16:15

Talking about women being nasty to each other.

Why are women so nasty to here on mumsnet?

It's absolutely disgusting on here most of the time.

I'm on oher chat forums, and there isn't half as much abusive posting on other forums, as there is on here.

"Reeks of jealousy" is pretty nasty, I agree.

Bunnylovely · 09/12/2024 16:22

snowmichael · 09/12/2024 16:20

> Why would you be offended
Because from a work colleague, it's none of their business
How does it enhance their life or mine if they know?
What bearing does it have on the project?
How does it help either of us work to the unreasonable deadlines we always have?
It's just a waste of time
If they were a friend, asking outside of work, completely different
> My hairdresser asks me where I'm going
I have never had a hairdresser, so never had that situation

Show quote history

Why is it none of a work colleagues business to know where you're going on holiday.

Just because they're work colleagues doesn't mean that they are not human, it doesn't mean that must only talk about work every minute of the day.

How close do you have to be to someone, for them to know that you are going to Spain for a week.

Can only your family know?

snowmichael · 09/12/2024 16:22

notacooldad · 09/12/2024 16:17

You're kidding, right?
What is less professional than asking personal questions about what people do outside of work?
It's intrusive and completely unnecessary

You would absolutely hate my place of work 😂
Everyone knows virtually everything about everyone. Most of the staff grew up in one of two neighbourhoods in our town so already knew each other and their families before joining the team.
Some are related or divorced from someone else's sister or something. Life in a small Northern town!!!
We work long hours together on shift together, sometimes work is full on and then there is a bit of down time before the next rush so we do talk a lot.

On the upside, its a friendly place to work and everyone helps each other out at a moments notice. We have a very low turn over of staff.
If someone came to our place and didn't integrate themselves it would be awkward. I don't mean they tell us their life story but people usually say what they've done over the weekend recommend restaurants, talk about their dogs, all the usual social niceties that people do.

> all the usual social niceties that people do.
... OUTSIDE OF WORK!
It is not usual in most places I've worked to know that level of detail about colleagues, and talk about them in work, but then I've never worked in a small-town, local neighbourhood business

BeAzureAnt · 09/12/2024 16:24

snowmichael · 09/12/2024 16:22

> all the usual social niceties that people do.
... OUTSIDE OF WORK!
It is not usual in most places I've worked to know that level of detail about colleagues, and talk about them in work, but then I've never worked in a small-town, local neighbourhood business

Show quote history

Me neither. Always worked in large institutions. I wouldn't be angry if someone asked me about where I went on holiday, but I would be surprised they were interested.