Would I be crazy to stay in a 40k role instead of a 75k?!

[worklifedilemma]

On the surface I know YES looks wild...

Here's the dilemma:

I'm a mum to 3 primary age DC, currently in a FT role 40k per year. It's remote mostly with very occasional travel into London (1-2x a month) - I live west of London, very rural, around 1hr30 door to door. It's also technically a self-employed contract which means I can pop expenses onto my tax assessment etc. Also qualify for child benefit etc. I'm a middle manager at a private company, in case that helps context.

Not yet formally offered but going well a side side step career wise (no people management and stand alone), but in a more 'money' direction. (Comparable to say moving from criminal law to corporate - just more money in certain niches). £75k, PAYE. Obviously better pension wise etc as I only have my own self employed one at the moment. Almost double the money at £75k, but where it's PAYE no tax relief on expenses, which would be higher as they would want me in their London HQ 2-3 days per week. This is also longer days and would have to ensure we could make it work with childcare. So my overall expenses would be much higher, job much more taxing due to travel and time in office, and I'd lose child benefit. This would make my take home (after travel) around £400 ish more a month.

Just can't figure out if that £400 is worth the extra work/time/travel less time with the kids etc? Long term career I guess so.

Any words of wisdom? Any thoughts on what you would do if it were you?

@allaboutsign i actually feel a bit gaslit now to be honest 😐thinking maybe he is worse than I thought

He never does any housework or anything and regularly spends 2 hours of an afternoon watching tv or similar

Not by you! By him I meant

I just wanted to point out how much your current set up favours your husband: you would like to live somewhere more central, which would help both the commute and school runs, but he likes the sticks. He is throwing money at his failing business, rather than contributing to family costs (you could have paid off the mortgage! Just imagine what a relief it would be). He is moaning about the free time he is going to lose, except he relies on your wages to keep himself afloat.
Frankly, take the job. Negotiate hard for 2 days a week in the office (heck, maybe even 1, or 3 in a fortnight) and see this job as a stepping stone. Work there for 6 months, maybe 1 year, and start searching again for something closer to home/more flexible/higher wages. Your current position sounds really insecure, and so does your husband's. You could find yourselves vulnerable rather fast, so grab this opportunity with both hands. It may not appear again.
Also, a question: how much faster/easier would the commute be if you had a car? If it would get significant better, I'd work for a couple months and save all the net gains from the higher paying job to get a second car.

and he has a seriously failing business and three very young children

OP…. seriously

Yeah, I agree.

And I don't think you have much of a choice whether to take this job (or some other better paying job) tbh - you and your kids need the security.

She who pays the piper calls the tune.

Take the job, put a good chunk of your salary into a private savings account, and hand him a chore list. If he doesn't step up within a matter of weeks, make an appointment with a solicitor. Get rid of him before you accumulate more assets he could get his lazy paws on.