Firstly I do not have support in my workplace with this situation so constructive advice from other people is appreciated (thats an issue I will deal with separately. It’s all on me).
I will try not be biased but this person is causing me so much stress so it is hard.
I manage someone lets call them A who has what I find to come across as fairly right wing/fixed ideas. No neurodivergence has been disclosed but am navigating this challenge on the basis that it might be a possibility. I chose not to give them a promotion because their views do not fit the organisation ethos.
They do not believe in equality and diversity apart from when it applies to them. The interview was a car crash. They appear to lack self awareness or have an agenda so fixed that it means they say and do things that make themselves come across as inappropriate, tone deaf and a bit of a bully.
I appear to be who they are fixated on. They (intentionally or unintentionally I will never know) used the interview as an opportunity to belittle, offend and degrade me very subtly. It is clear they despise my management style and they are outspoken that they do not agree with me being the manager, however they applied for a job as my assistant so this made no sense. In the interview it was clear I would not be able to work collaboratively as they were positioning themselves as my opponent not my assistant. When they didn’t get the job they have now convinced themselves and colleagues that it was just a ploy to prove they were right about me. I’m aware they think I am too liberal minded, ie I do believe in equality and diversity!
I still manage them but in their original role, as part of a bigger team. I’ve tried very hard to build bridges and trust with them but they hate me so deeply nothing works. I do not need to be liked I expect to be respected. I am not here to make friends but I do promote respecting each other. I do not spend time upset that they do not like me. That’s fine and completely acceptable, it’s not acceptable to be disrespectful.
Since the interview they will not follow instruction directly, they triple and quadruple question me on every single thing I say and do. This takes up so much of my time. I give a very good explanation (run past others first to sense check) but they will still twist it all and continue to badger me.
They also are triangulating other people into getting very het up and emotional. I spent all morning calming their team member B down who had been gaslighted by A into interpreting an email from me in a completely twisted light. I actually felt sorry for this person as they really did believe that I had said Y when I had actually said X, and I read it out to them line by line giving reassurance that I was not lying to them or playing a game. A had given them a synopsis of my email that was completely untrue. I asked B to always come to check with me if they wanted to ask a question. B left much more reassured.
I have built up so much trust and rapport with my team and this person cannot bear it, so is trying to tear me down through others which is abusive and awful behaviour. Problem is - I can’t prove any of it.
They are apparently trying to goad me into pulling them into a disciplinary so that they can ‘eviscerate’ me.
I have so far taken the high ground and not given their silly games any attention. I will act on an outright blatant breach of contract or behaviours that are unacceptable but how should I deal with all of this silly childish game playing?