Only 2 days in but family struggling

[Overwhelmed124]

I got a job with Asda and started Monday. The induction was awful and felt like a spare part. Second shift today and I just dont want to go in.
My husband is having some issues with mental health at the moment and laying guilt on me for leaving him to go to work. And my youngest is not happy as will have to let himself in after school and I wont be back until nearly 7, so tea will be late.
Dont know what to do. We need the money but Im working 4 days and 23 hours.
Is it worth seeing if I can reduce hours/work longer shifts or just leave it?
Im also finding the job overwhelming as so much to learn.

The first few weeks of anew job can feel a bit daunting and overwhelming as there's so much to take in.
Your youngest is presumably old enough to let themselves in? Tea at 7 isn't unreasonable and presumably they could get themselves a snack if hungry.
Is your DH working?

It's only your second day, it's bound to feel a bit overwhelming. Give yourself a few weeks to settle in before you decide anything.

How old is your youngest

Between him and DH they should be able to make something simple - jacket potato, beans on toast, oven pizza...

If your youngest is old enough to let himself in, he’s old enough to make his own tea.

Your youngest can make himself a simple tea, surely. Can your husband pick up the slack on the jobs you would normally do? How extensive are his health issues?

Sounds like they're both throwing their toys out of the pram. Give it chance and you will I'll settle on to your job and it may become essential to your wellbeing to get out of the house. It must be stressful living with this state of being.

Inductions are always a weird combination of awkward and overwhelming. At least wait until you’re actually doing the job before deciding whether or not you like it! I’ve worked in a supermarket and it was hours and hours of training before even starting to learn the actual job. Hopefully you like it once you get going! And sounds like the money is needed to so I wouldn’t rush to quit.

If your youngest child is old enough to come home from school on his own (10+?) then he’ll be fine to have a snack, do some homework, chill for a bit and eat his evening meal at 7pm-ish. In fact the independence may actually be a good thing for him. For the evening meal do a combination of getting the kids to help, have quick easy stuff in and doing weekend meal prep e.g. have something the kids can just shove in the oven at a set time.

Obviously don’t know what’s going on with your husband but laying guilt on your partner for going to work is controlling. I hope he’s engaging with help and will feel better soon but it’ll be a good thing not to be financially dependent on him I think.

Husband works shifts 6-2/2-10 but off with stress at moment til health issues resolved. Youngest is 14 but seems way younger.
I used to be such a strong person, but years a sahm has squashed that.

No one expects a new staff member to be 100% on it from the get go. Take your time, listen and ask questions. Some things will stick, some things will need some practise.

If they didn't think you could do the job they wouldn't have hired you.

You may find a lot of benefits from working, getting out of the house, chatting with colleagues and customers etc and your husband has no right to guilt you into staying home.

Your son will cope, and you can get in some things (with your new staff discount eventually!) so that he can prepare some food for when he gets home - soup, beans, bread etc. Your husband needs to step up on this too if he's at home.

You can do it OP, just give it time.

Give it time….it’s early days…..time your youngest learnt to make his own tea.

DS is 4 and can organise himself a quick tea - eg cereal fruit and milk or telling dad to put something I’ve already cooked into microwave.

Sounds like working will be really good for you. First few days / weeks of a new job are always daunting and awkward. But you will get your confidence back up.

Your 14 yo will benefit from extra responsibility and your H needs to support you alongside concentrating on his recovery.

Stick with it for now @Overwhelmed124 . It sounds like you really need to do this for yourself. Normal for teenagers to moan, but he really will be fine.

DS can get himself a snack if he wants to wait for you for tea. Promote the nice stuff you can do when you get your first pay.

You can do this!

If your DH is off work at the moment then he can be taking up the slack with his DC. Having something to do may help keep him occupied.
It sounds like everyone in your family is using you to support them and maybe now is a really good time to make some space for yourself and earn some money too.

induction is always awkward, you need to give it a good few weeks. I think it can take months to settle in a job. A 14 year old definitely needs to be able to cook for themselves and the family, I thought you were going to say he was primary school age. Do not let your DH make you feel guilty, you're providing for your family.

You should really stick this out. It sounds like you working will really help everybody in your family in the long run. Your husband doesn't need you at home with him, he just needs to take care of himself. Your son can manage a snack after school no problem (and if his dad is home right now that's even less reason to worry about him).
You need to build your confidence, stick it out for at least a month till you find your feet. Then see how you are getting on.

Give it time and work will start to make sense and get easier. Try and concentrate on that, rather than what is going on at home.
Your DH and DS will get used to it, especially if you make it clear that this is how things are going to be, now that you are working.

At 14, even a young 14, your DS is capable of letting himself in to the house and getting some kind of food together.
If he isn't then your DH can teach him a few meals, since he is currently at home.
As for his MH comments, I would suggest to him that with the money side a bit easier, both of you will have less stress and improved mental health.

Please don't give in to guilt trips from either of them; it sounds like a great step forward for you and all the family.

Stick with it. Your confidence will grow. Your DH & DS can just get on with it. It will do them good too.

It'll get better as you get into a routine.

Your DS is old enough to get to grips with making himself a simple dinner. In fact at 14 he's perfectly capable of cooking a complex dinner. He likely seems young because he's being treated as if he is younger. This will be a brilliant opportunity for him to learn to be more independent and capable of looking after himself. It's a good thing!

Your ds is 14!! There’s so many simple meals that he could make like popping a pizza in the oven, making a sandwich, boiling some pasta, microwaving a ready meal…

It sounds like your family needs the money and with Christmas rapidly approaching, I think that you should keep this job. Your son is being spoilt with regards to coming home to an empty house and having to fix his own food- you are working so that there’s food to eat etc and he’s old enough to see that.

Starting a new job is hard and you’ll get better over time. Be kind to yourself and good luck.

If you’re working four days and 23 hours then it’s only six hour shifts so just keep your head done and push through. Inductions are tedious and there is lots to learn, but look how well you’ve done as a SAHM, and no one taught you any of that, so you can do this too 💪

It feels like your “D”H and DS are sad about losing their personal maid/housekeeper/cook and having to pick up the slack, so I’d leave a clear list of jobs they need to be doing, and enjoy getting back to work, earning £ and the satisfaction when you’re up to speed and really smashing it, you’ve got this 😊

You’re still a strong person. You decided to get a job, found one, applied and got the role. First week or so of any job is tough but this is going to be really good for your confidence and skill set - and it will also be good for your family. You’re not there to serve them, you’re an independent person too and you’ve given them plenty. Now it’s time for them to stand on their own two feet.

Give yourself some mental markers and rewards - making it through the first week, first month, first three months, first six months and hopefully first year. A year under your belt in any job is fab and if you decide then it’s not working for you maybe you can look for a new role.

There's an adult at home and a 14yr old.... they can make their own tea between them, honestly leave them to it and don't let them guilt you about working, honestly they should both be embarrassed to act up like this.
It takes a while to get in the swing of working again after a gap but soon you will realise how much it helps with your self esteem.
Whatever you do keep working and think of yourself first for once.

I couldn't have put this better myself. Do this for yourself OP - you'll regain a sense of yourself in being out with other people and earning too. Well done!

Nicely, OP, you’re in a great position. No small kids to juggle and working short shifts over four days- part-time jobs are hard to find.

Plus, you need the money.

Stick with it, you’ll all adapt.

Sounds like you need to cut the apron strings and make your ultra needy family grow a backbone! They are using you as an unpaid skivvy.