Only 2 days in but family struggling

[Overwhelmed124]

I got a job with Asda and started Monday. The induction was awful and felt like a spare part. Second shift today and I just dont want to go in.
My husband is having some issues with mental health at the moment and laying guilt on me for leaving him to go to work. And my youngest is not happy as will have to let himself in after school and I wont be back until nearly 7, so tea will be late.
Dont know what to do. We need the money but Im working 4 days and 23 hours.
Is it worth seeing if I can reduce hours/work longer shifts or just leave it?
Im also finding the job overwhelming as so much to learn.

Am I missing something?

Why does your 14 year old have to let himself into the house when his Dad is at home on the sick?

Why does your 14 year old have to wait til 7 pm when you get home for his dinner? Surely your husband and son will cook it togather so that its ready when you come home at 7pm?

What's so difficult about the asda job?

Kindly -
Things will get easier with your job and in the long run this will be so good for YOU.
You need to build up your confidence and trust in yourself.
Your family will cope and need to learn to look after themselves and not see you as a servant, only there to do stuff for them!
A 14 year old should be able to feed himself and take care of homework etc .
He's 14 not 4 and your 'd'h is not supporting you as he should.
I'm sorry you are having a hard time and it's awful they aren't stepping up and making you feel proud of starting your job etc, no wonder your confidence is so low.
You got this Op and you will get there - it's always hard at the beginning of any life change but it's worth it.

I’ve been off work with stress before and the Dr advice was very clear that it is important to continue with daily life, house work, cooking, seeing friends. DH is just going to get worse if he is sitting around doing nothing.

I work in retail and there’s so much to learn! People think it’s easy, just sit on a till
for a few hours, but there’s so much more to it than that!

Stick with it, you’re feeling like a fish out of water at the moment, but it’ll get better.

Stick with it - it will get better. And your balls and chains are going to have to cope!

Well done getting the job. Keep going. Kid's 14 and your husband's a grown man! Yhey both need to learn resilience and independence. Keep going, it will get better.

You've been a SAHM for years, of course you're feeling a bit discombobulated.

You need to keep on, you need the money, and your son needs to gain some independence. This will be good for you, I promise.

As your husband is at home, he can do the housework and make the dinner.

This. They aren’t ‘struggling’. They have had a harsh reality check that you do not exist purely to tend to their every whim.

I work in a supermarket (been there ten years now) and I train others. I remember how terrifying that first month was - everyone else seems to know exactly what they are doing, all the information comes at you at once, people are asking you things you haven't a clue about...

but, to be honest, it's the same in all jobs when you first start. So even if you leave the supermarket, you'll be in roughly the same position wherever you get a job, especially if you've been at home for a while. Stick it out, make some friends, chat to people. Your son and DH are just upset because the status quo is changing, but it's changing for the better. They need to learn to stand on their own two feet and work around you, rather than you working around them, as you have been for so long. Nobody will die, life will change, but for the better.

You definitely should not quit. And dinner should definitely be ready for you when you come home.

@Overwhelmed124

I worked in another supermarket years ago, honestly I thought I'd never get the hang of that wretched till, but after a few shifts it was OK. And learning the layout of the store took a few shifts.

My son got a Christmas job in a supermarket two years ago, he struggled for a week or so but is now trained on all sorts of functions and his managers love him to bits.
At 14 your son is quite capable of sticking a pizza in the oven or making toast/getting cereal if he can't wait.
It sounds like you need the money and having a job will be good for you.
Stick it out, you will fine.

If you’re working 23hours over 4 days , getting home at 7pm then surely after induction you’re going to be home in the mornings. Put something in slow cooker ( invest if you haven’t got one) , then they’ll be tea ready for you all when you get home . Although tbh as others have said a 14 yr old and an adult should be picking up the slack.
Stick with it, it’s sounds like it’ll be good for your self confidence as well as the extra money .

Sounds like your H and son have got used to being waited on. It will do them some good to have you unavailable sometimes. After an adjustment period I’d be expecting them to have dinner waiting on your late finish days.

At 14 7pm isn’t late for dinner. He can also make his own dinner.

Once I was at secondary school I always let myself in as my mum went back to full time work.

Well done getting yourself a job and give yourself and everyone else time to get used to it !

Husband needs to pick up the slack. Child can make their own food

BUT if you wanted to you can prepare dinner before you go and just reheat it when you get in. Pasta bakes or shepherds pie made in the morning or a the weekend. Cc hili in a slow cooker

You need to work, to have financial stability, to provide for the family when husband is unable and to give yourself a change of scenery.

My dad has poor MH and took up the slack in the family home to allow my mum to work and support them both. You shouldnt be doing double shifts at work and home and then get guilted into going to work.

Point out that working is good for your mental health as you are getting out of the house, learning new skills and meeting people, your MH is just as important as your DHs.

I’ve worked in retail, perfectly normal to feel a bit overwhelmed in the first few days & weeks. There’s a lot to learn with safety, food hygiene and legal responsibilities but you’ll get there!

Keep going, OP. Your DH is at home so your son isn't coming back to an empty house. They can make their own bloody tea!

The first month in a new job is always very stressful but quickly sorts itself out as you get into a routine and become familiar. You wouldn't have allowed your child not to go back to school after a stressful first day, would you? You'd tell them that things would settle down and they'd make friends. So take the same line with your own feelings.

As others have said, it doesn't sound like a very healthy environment at home with both the men in your life expecting you to look after them 24/7. It's time for you to get a life. You'll look back on this situation in a year's time and be glad you persevered.

You should feel very proud of yourself for getting out there and back to work. It's not easy. Early days are always tough with finding your feet in a new place and sorting a new routine. Be kind to yourself. If it makes you feel any better, lots of us get the wobbles when we get back to work after a couple of weeks of annual leave (I certainly do!).

Definitely don't leave the job!! Give yourself time to learn the ropes. By then, things should have settled a bit more at home, and I bet you'll be feeling more settled in the job (and more confident!).

I've just changed my shift pattern (still working FT though) as DC2 is now at secondary, and that has taken a bit to get used to. Before, I was working shorter shifts (over more days), but FT hours (so always home to cook supper), now I'm working 7-8, 3 to 4 days a week. No DP/DH, and I'm the breadwinner, so the kids have to get on with it.

What's helped us re: meals...
I've (finally!) sorted out my freezer and pre-cooked/froze a load of pre cooked meals. On days off, I will cook a double portion of a meal and freeze half. On days I work, I take out a frozen meal and when DC (age 17 and 11) get home from school they have to reheat it for themselves at their normal supper time. I eat a bit when I get home later, and there's normally some leftover for lunch the next day. That seems to be working well, and it saves me money and stressing about meals! Might be worth a punt? I'm not sure why your DH isn't taking meal prep on though. It's bloody crap finishing work after a long shift and having to sort out a meal when you're knackered!

This in a nutshell! Your job will get easier and working in a team and hopefully building friendships will be good for you .
At work you will be ‘you’ OP and not Mum /Wife for a few hours.
Husband could prepare simple evening meal and it might actually help his MH knowing that he is helping.

Definitely give it time, I started working in a supermarket after having had an admin job for 30+ years, no store experience. I came home the first day very overwhelmed with all the information I had been given and felt info overload. Fortunately my husband had done a similar job for years and he told me they had told me virtually the entire job in one day and there wouldn't be much more. He was right too! I also bought a small notebook and on breaks etc made loads of notes. Each day I had a quick glance through and it refreshed my memory, which meant I made less mistakes and this gave me more confidence. Try and stick with it for at least a couple of weeks then assess it again. Good luck, it will get better.

What all the PP’s have said but also
I think if you give up now, at the first hurdle and retreat back home you’ll take a long time to have the confidence to try again ( there’s nothing wrong in being a SAHM if it works for your family and it’s what you want to do but it sounds like you are ready for more?) Your 14yr old needs to become more independent and this is a great opportunity for them to start. After all they could be going for a part time shop job themselves at 16. Your DH doesn’t need you at home all day holding his hand, I expect when he was working he didn’t give what you were doing all day a second thought.

@Overwhelmed124 has your husband/partner taken to his bed??? why does your son have to let himself in if dad is currently off work???