New guy in the office getting on my nerves

[user1471867483]

This married guy started in our office about 4-5 weeks ago. I've been in my role 8 years. Last week he bought me a Kit Kit - nice, OK.

I'm a very private person and never bring in my personal life into work. Now, he's asking my coworker where I live, the exact house and if I have a partner. My sensible coworker told him she doesn't know about my personal life and go ask me himself. He also wanted to know why I didn't say bye when I left for the evening. Our office is busy with 8-9 of us at any given time, so my 'byes' might get lost in the noise and busyness of the office. Plus, I have to rush for my train.
Best way of dealing with him? I don't owe him or anyone any explanation about my life or my ways/actions.

Personally I would give him a chance, he’s just finding his feet. Some people are happy sharing information at work (I am) and some aren’t - he will just need to learn to respect that.

If he's asking co workers I'd just ignore it, since they're not giving him any info. If he asks you personally, ask him why he wants to know? Make him explain, I bet doesn't.

Be civil to him but nothing more. Say 'no thanks' if he offers you chocolate again. If he carries on quizzing your colleagues about your personal life, raise this with your line manager. If he asks about saying 'bye' again, tell him you say 'bye' to everyone as you leave, you don't have time for individual farewells.

He's settling in so I'd give him leeway but having said that I'd expect him to understand the office culture by now.

Maybe just explain that you only do very general hellos and goodbyes and that you're trying to cut down on sugar.

You're already gossiping about him with your colleagues and you're thinking he fancies you.

How about treating a new colleague with a bit of professional respect and getting on with your job?

Agree, you’re coming across really bitchy and unwelcoming. He’s just being friendly and interested in people. Have a word with yourself.

He's not really done anything wrong has he? Brought you a Kit Kat and made small talk about getting to know you with other colleagues?

I actually think this is not normal behaviour & sounds a little intrusive. Trust your instinct here - be polite & professional but cautiously wary. I experienced something similar and was told « ooh he’s sweet - just being nice » turned out he was encouraged by any show of friendliness. instinct is there for a reason!

That's the exact hunch I get here with him. If something doesn't feel right, then you have to listen to that inner voice. I think he's a little 'forward/pushy' about a woman whom he hardly knows.

This looks like you waited for the one person who agreed with you and clung to it 😂

Then, when I emailed him to thank him for training me on the computer (he's a computer whizz where I'm not) and I said to him, "I'm not very technical. Think I need more practice". He then replied, "Perhaps we could practice together later". O oh. Not way Jose.

Looks like you're right.

I don't think it is normal "getting to know people" behaviour to ask one colleague for the personal details of another one, you just chat to people and they share what they are comfortable to about themselves.

Did he buy anyone else a KitKat or just you?

It’s fucking weird. Why’s he asking someone else where you live? Whinging you haven’t said goodbye. Trust your instincts Op and ignore the be kind crew.

I'm a nosy bloke, and I wouldn't do any of what he's done. I'd also talk directly. Its not about the questions, it's the whole two way interaction 🤷‍♂️ If you're doing it right anyway, sounds like he's made conversation harder in the future by making you wary about him, possibly more reserved and private than normal when dealing with him

Why is he asking where you live? That's very weird.

There was one other woman in the office at the time and he said, "I didn't get Jane one because I know she doesn't like chocolate". Well, my * she doesn't. I just took it and was grateful as I didn't want to look ungrateful. The whole situ is plain weird imo.

Some people just like to disagree with the OP. Of course it's too much for someone to buy treats and ask for a personal details (including home address and relationship status!) about a colleague they've just started working with.

I started in my current job about 18m ago and I don't know everyone's marital status or home address because I haven't asked. That would be weird. Usually it comes up in conversation, and there are people I've become more friendly with over time so I've been to their houses. I certainly didn't single out a bloke and start digging to find out where he lives, if he's married and buying him KitKats. I mean, come on!

Even if he was doing it with everyone, and not just singling out OP, it would still be a bit much.

I've never known men to be so interested in women that are twenty years older than them. Would he be asking where they live? I doubt it.

I'm betting you're youngish and attractive OP. Ignore those who are telling you to be kind to him and mentally keep your distance.

Agree, I'm not interested in telling anyone my personal business at work and I'm not interested in anyone else's either. I'm there to work. I find people that get too invested in colleagues lives irritating. Small talk to get through the day, ok but personal information no.

You are over thinking this. Just be polite and don't encourage him in any way. He'll soon get bored.

Update:

He came in this morning and mentioned through my coworker that I don't say bye to him on my way home - AGAIN. She stood up and told me and I looked at him and said, "I can't help it if you don't hear me. I have to run for my train!" I then joked I'll get my microphone out next time and shout 'bye'! He nodded and said, "OK" and chuckled.

This is ridiculous. I've never had any coworker hang onto my each and every 'morning' or 'bye'.

You're not overthinking this!! He wants to know the exact house you live in? He's that upset about you not saying bye to him specifically that he's still pissed off about it this morning? He sounds like a giant fucking creep, or at the very least, someone who doesn't understand boundaries and how normal people interact.

It s dodgy, OP.
The be kind brigade doesn't have a clue.
I would raise it to my line manager, he may still be on probation.
If he acts entitled, nosy and pushy like that after 4 weeks, what will it be in one year?

this is how you end up with a stalker - by giving weird behaviour a pass. Ask me how I know.