New guy in the office getting on my nerves

[user1471867483]

This married guy started in our office about 4-5 weeks ago. I've been in my role 8 years. Last week he bought me a Kit Kit - nice, OK.

I'm a very private person and never bring in my personal life into work. Now, he's asking my coworker where I live, the exact house and if I have a partner. My sensible coworker told him she doesn't know about my personal life and go ask me himself. He also wanted to know why I didn't say bye when I left for the evening. Our office is busy with 8-9 of us at any given time, so my 'byes' might get lost in the noise and busyness of the office. Plus, I have to rush for my train.
Best way of dealing with him? I don't owe him or anyone any explanation about my life or my ways/actions.

Exactly. This is a big danger. Time and again people hide behind a label. It has become a sort of get out of jail free card. I live next door to a man with autism. He is also a deeply, deeply unpleasant human being who scares the hell out of me. There is nothing vulnerable or pitiful about him. On the contrary, he is arrogant, obnoxious and aggressive. I know that if he crossed a line and did something awful his mother would plead 'diminished responsibility.' I suspect he knows this as well.

Same here. I've never told colleagues my address but if a colleague became friends then we might swap addresses if we'd go to each others houses. Otherwise, no need.

Some men seem to have this upper hand (still) over women and like to feel they have power.

In my very first job, when I was 17, I recall speaking to a nice young man there (older than me and good-looking), we walked to the bus stop/station sometimes together and just had friendly chats. I told him it was my first job. He was actually leaving in a month or so.

But he never came onto me and didn't ask personal questions (apart from the usual ones, where you're from, where do you get your bus etc) as he was in his 20s and I was straight out of school (just left). He had good manners and was polite and not some nasty, creepy, stalking pervert.

Why should OP have to feel like she can't complain or feel uncomfortable at work, after 8 years of her being there, when some new overbearing/potentially stalker/asking personal questions/making personal comments, man joins the company? It's not on.

Complain away OP and make sure your HR know you are serious.

There's being ND/SEN and learning how to live with it (depending on the level of this) and there's having these conditions and not learning how to live with it.

You have to learn how to navigate life, whether you have ND/SEN, so you function as an adult in the real world. Some people require more assistance than others.

My NDN/friend's son is 'on the spectrum' (he's autistic), has had to be taught by teachers at his special school and then spoken to by his DM so he doesn't repeat some of the behaviour he's learned from his DF (dad) who's probably ND too, but undiagnosed. This includes racist behaviour/comments and is even more important now, because his stepfather is black and his DM is white.

This young man is capable of understanding certain ways of behaviour (even with him being ND) but he got me, when I was younger (he was obsessed with the police and criminals) at one point, try to get involved with some man he 'thought' was breaking into a car in our street (he wasn't, he was a window cleaner but I didn't know that).

After that I had strong words with my NDN/friend about him, and the local community police officer came to speak to him too about his behaviour, because it wasn't right for him to be able to accuse random people of crimes when they were innocent, just to satisfy his police/crime interest. This was also happening time and time again, with him accusing different people in the local streets of being criminals when they weren't.

I am not attacking ND/SEN by the way, not at all.

‘What’s her exact address?’
’Has she got a partner?’
’Why didn’t you say goodbye to me?’
’Did you sleep well?’

I don’t feel sorry for him. If he’s not creepy (and I’d say he is!) then he’s in need of a sharp lesson on appropriate boundaries.

It’s normal to ask colleagues for another colleague’s address?

I’m glad I don’t work in your office.

Just come back to the thread and found this. I'll try and explain yet again.

Some people, if they happen to be in a more senior position to another member of staff, like to take advantage of that position in their dealings with the more junior member of staff. Including making them worried about losing their job if they complain about the behaviour of the more senior person. And that is the reason why junior staff do not always report inappropriate behaviour to management.

This is why my original post was asking the OP whether this person happened to be more senior, and therefore could potentially pose a threat to her career if she complained about him. It is not unknown for employers to side with senior sleazebag male staff, and to get rid of the whistleblower.

Mean response? Poor guy?

If it was ‘normal behaviour’ he’d be doing it to everyone but he seems to have singled out op.

You don’t seem to know much about power hierarchies do you?