Overwhelmed lawyer toddler mum

[serialplanner]

Just a standard rant if anyone can relate.

I feel so sad today! Hormonal, but sad!

I work for a city law firm. Everything is so urgent and high pressured. It does not need to be! I am not a litigator or anything remotely important! I just work with such academic personalities where work is everything to them.

I have a 2yo. I don't want to miss bedtimes and work late.

The tricky thing is, our economy is to shit so I need my salary and I don't know what I could do that makes me £70k a year for 4 days a week work.

I know this is such a privileged rant. Please don't attack me but if you are a mum in a high stress job feeling like you can't do anything right it would be nice to know I'm not alone. I broke down in tears this morning because my boss was chasing me on something, I was trying to clear some emails so I could take my daughter out and forget about work for a few hours but as 2yos do she would not stop going on and it tipped me over the edge. I have felt suicidal before (I will not harm myself but you just get to a point of WHAT IS THE POINT)

I don't want that to happen again. I'm struggling. I don't know what to do right now and with the bigger picture.

I know you won't have the answers. I'm just desperate and confused xxxx

Consider in-house? So much better for hours flexibility and not as big a $ drop as you might think.

Yes we tried that @Snipples (DH and I are both ex magic circle) and told them never to become lawyers. DD1 starts a training contract at a magic circle in Sept, and DD2 has assessment centres for two different mc firm vac schemes next week. 😧

I don’t think they get just how hard they are going to have to work - we both left the City when they were very young, so never saw it.

Go in house OP - you won’t look back.

Well done for making that decision for you and your family. As you can from this thread, you are not alone (sadly)

Wishing you all the best for the next role x

Re stress levels. Not a lawyer, so not in GLD, but am ex private sector (marketing) so to me stress is basically zero. There will be a range of roles but very very many will allow you flexi working, compressed hours / part time no big deal, you'll leave on time 90+% of the time and you'll do interesting work (imo).

Haha not to worry! We are all tired!

Look at public sector roles. Much more flexible and while there is some expectation to work beyond 9 - 5 at times it's nothing like what is expected in a law firm. Will be a bit of a pay cut but might be worth it for work life balance

Came here to say exactly the same. Some government departments still have their own in house legal teams as well. Register on Civil Service Jobs for "lawyer" or "legal" keywords and you'll start to get alerts coming through. I think you'll be surprised at how often jobs come up?

Definitely going to see how my area might be useful for in house x

I know someone who was private client in private practice and moved into the government legal service - perhaps if you have experience of litigation/property which can touch on private client then as long as you know how to conduct a civil service interview you have an "in" potentially. Pay is good and great work life balance.

I moved inhouse. I previously had a long commute and although would leave at 5pm after I'd dealt with the kids I'd need to log back on. It wasn't life or death stuff I was dealing with just a culture which had developed of everything seeming to be urgent or critical. It wasn't. I've never looked back since moving inhouse. No billing. No clients to suck up to. There are stressful times but no instructions generally coming through at 7pm on a Friday evening with a Monday 9am deadline. Definitely consider inhouse. Your skills will be transferable.

I’m an in-house lawyer - currently on mat leave #2. I went down to four days on return from my first mat leave.

I would look for somewhere with flexi-working. Since coming back, I’ve been very clear that I will work my contracted hours (I have to finish at 5PM to collect DC1 from nursery). I’ve only worked late (once DC is down) a handful of times. I’m very strict with prioritising my workload (which is important as I work across multiple time zones). I’m also not available, and set very strict boundaries when I’m not working (I don’t check work phone/emails - work phone is turned off).

I would strongly suggest looking at potential in-house roles or other law firms that have a more flexi approach.

What PQE are you? Could you look at Keystone/Level/lawyers on demand - that kind of role?

Sorry, I'm probably being slow what kind of work do you do?

Actually they pay a bit more than I thought - £68k :

https://www.civilservicejobs.service.gov.uk/csr/index.cgi?SID=b3duZXI9NTA3MDAwMCZvd25lcnR5cGU9ZmFpciZwYWdlY2xhc3M9Sm9icyZzZWFyY2hzb3J0PWNsb3Npbmcmam9ibGlzdF92aWV3X3ZhYz0xODkzNjUyJnNlYXJjaHBhZ2U9MSZ1c2Vyc2VhcmNoY29udGV4dD02NDYxODY2NyZwYWdlYWN0aW9uPXZpZXd2YWNieWpvYmxpc3QmcmVxc2lnPTE3MDUxODM3NzYtNzkxMjYxMGFkNTdmZjRmYWEzYmYzOWNmODRkYTIxN2JjZjZmYzI5OA==

This job even has an open day type event on 25th Jan, presumably for people just like you!

Bon chance!

Thank you. On it!

We were in this boat as well with similar age kids - it's really tough and even with a part-time / flexible arrangement you inevitably end up working way more than your (supposedly reduced) contractual hours as the workload doesn't really reduce and expectations remain the same. I knew I didn't want to progress to partnership so it was time and energy that I wanted to spend on my family life instead.

I can recommend working in-house for a big firm (there are tons of business services roles e.g. general counsel teams, contracts, financial crime, business acceptance, risk and compliance etc). The salaries are lower than fee earning but can still be very decent given the improved work-life balance.

Lots of solicitor friends also moved into knowledge / PSL roles or in-house to clients or regulators, which also offer a better balance.

I would recommend chatting to a legal headhunter and seeing what options you might have.

I’m also a lawyer with a SEN 7 year old. I’m in-house and I rarely work past 5. My bonus is better than when I was in PP so you might be surprised!

Salary does not sound enough for what you are expected to do
I would look for a more family friendly job

I spent five years working 50+ hours a week for £36k a year (most of which went on nursery fees) and this year I went part time because it wasn't worth it, it's so hard to work and be present - it's a HUGE financial burden to drop hours, but then less childcare fees, so it sort of balances.

If you can financially drop, do it. If you can't, then all I can suggest is working the extra hours when LO is asleep (less me time mind), but it's all you can do so you can do both!

I do most of my work out of hours when my girls are asleep now, at least then when my girls get home from school I can sit and watch a film with them and be there and carry on working once they're asleep and they're none the wiser!

I should add - from what I've seen, firms are often flexible on previous practice areas for in-house roles as the work is very varied and requires more of a problem-solving approach. I know of private client lawyers who have moved into business acceptance roles for example.

I've definitely seen PSL type roles for private client work as well.

You are not alone. I am so tired that I only read half way down the first page but I relate to all of it, though we have no grandparents around to help. Cleaners coming once a week gave me headspace. I work 4 days and before I went on second mat leave, put DC in nursery full time so I could have one day per week to myself - usually frantically meal planning, meal prepping, washing, organising, and admin, but I could usually squeeze: in an hour or two per day for a walk or exercise… or very often a nap instead because I was also so ill with toddler bugs. My husband has his own business and often goes away for fairly long periods while I’m at home.

Solidarity.

Being at home with a newborn and a 2 year old is miles easier than working part time and looking after a 2 year old. (This is only my experience though and I know that the opposite will also be true for many wonderful women)

Must sleep now but will return to this tomorrow.

How about a sideways move within law? I hope this doesn’t come across as too rude but that’s not a huge salary for that role and plenty of mid-tier firms pay business support staff those salaries. There’s legal tech and legal project management, or BD or knowledge roles, that will pull you that much for less stress.

Was in marketing agencies for 15 years (latterly as a contractor). Joined Civil Service Commercial a few years ago, now in policy. Never seen anything like it in terms of work/life balance.

3 children, one being a toddler. 3.5 days compressed into 3.

I’m a lawyer (non-solicitor) not eating 70k but also not yet qualified so would expect to be on about that once qualified. I would say look around, I work a compressed week (4.5 days into 4) and very rarely working outside my agreed hours (8-5 tue-fri). Maybe time to look around?

Head of Megalithic - now that's what I call a job title 🤣

I hear you. Lawyer with 2 young DC. Had some time off with stress last year as I was totally burnt out. My firm were great with flexibility (eg fine to log off for pick up/bedtime) but the work doesn't go anywhere so I just ended up working every single evening once kids were asleep. 4 days too but transactional so impossible to scale back job by 20% - basically worked 100% (+) for 80% pay. Totally exhausted. Recently moved into civil service legal role and love it! Rarely work much beyond my contracted hours. It is a pay cut but for me it was definitely worth it. Really recommend looking into civil service/public sector/in-house.

We bailed. Both city lawyers Dh was on partnership track I was doing ok. Left London when pregnant with second moved to south west. Kids now nearing end of secondary we are SO glad we did. Admittedly less wealthy than we would have been had we stayed but we didn’t want that life for our family.