How do you manage this situation with empathy?

[Preps]

Two women, working in very close partnership. Basically the only people, apart from service users, in the same room all day everyday.

One is pregnant, the other on her third (and likely final) round of IVF.

The one who isn't pregnant is clearly in significant distress, but this is coming out as her being truly vile to the pregnant one, who is basically being bullied for being pregnant, a protected characteristic.

Pregnant colleague does understand how hard it must be and is trying to be tactful, but also wants to enjoy her pregnancy.

So the behaviour against the protected characteristic needs to be managed, but the other colleague is really struggling too.

TBH I think the best answer is probably that the non-pregnant woman is signed off sick, but I don't think I can suggest that.

Of course the bullying needs to stop, but telling someone who's hurting that isn't going to make it happen.

Being infertile doesn't make you a bully.

Most bullies are actually cowards, so telling them to stop because the journey they are on will end up with them being sacked may actually make them stop. They are probably continuing currently because they feel like they are getting away with it.

Honestly as someone who has been through IVF unsuccessfully whilst managing several employees through their pregnancy, maternity leave and return to work I honestly get quite offended by the insinuation that IVF turns you into a bully.

If this wasn't what brought out the bully in this woman something else probably would have done. Most of us going through IVF manage to be perfectly pleasant to pregnant women we work with however we feel privately.

I think that might be why OP thinks that the employee going through IVF should probably take some sickness absence.

As you say, most women experiencing fertility difficulties aren't vile to women who are pregnant, however painful it is.

Of course the bullying needs to stop, but telling someone who's hurting that isn't going to make it happen it absolutely should make it happen. It might cause short term upset but she needs to know that behaviour isn't acceptable and it needs to stop. She needs to find another outlet for her feelings that isn't her colleague.

Agree with others. being infertile doesn't make you a bully it's insulting to excuse this behaviour and not call it out for what it is - bullying. Instead you want to reward it by getting her signed off. Smh

Agreed. Any normal workplace would pull the bully up on their behaviour without a moments thought.

I understand how the bully feels and do sympathise (although she still has one IVF session so not sure why she's already writing it off), but there's absolutely no reason for her to be doing this, I myslef have felt a bit of envy and sadness but could never do this, in fact I would be happy for the person and treat them nicely as any decent person would. This is really quite terrible, and I feel sorry for the pregnant woman who isn't able to enjoy her pregnancy and no doubt is feeling stressed as well. Talk to this person, with empathy, but tell her it's not on. It's not normal behaviour at all. How would she feel if the situation is reversed. I agree with others, you sound like a terrible manager, I wonder what the rest of the staff must think of this situation. You're effectively allowing a toxic work place, I'm fact encouraging it

I really don't understand why people want to attack a manager looking out for the welfare of all their staff. It's not like nothing is being /will be done.
What people are trying to tell you op is that you tell us this has been happening regularly for a while now despite warnings. There’s a vulnerable member of staff who not being protected, and that needs to be your priority. Instead we hear excuses like we need both of them in the same room. People get sick- you have to cope then. One of these women is going on mat leave and the business will have to manage then. These are just poor excuses, you need to actually start managing properly now.

Yes exactly, it more sounds to me like OP you're looking for the easy way for yourself to avoid any conflict because the poor pregnant woman's welfare doesn't really seem to have been thought about. It sounds like a horrible environment for anyone to work in

What people are trying to tell you op is that you tell us this has been happening regularly for a while now despite warnings. There’s a vulnerable member of staff who not being protected, and that needs to be your priority.

Its quite alarming, that several pages on, that the OP simply cant see this.

I hope the pregnant woman puts in a grievance against the bully and the OP for allowing that conduct of bullying to continue without consequence.